A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So generally my boyfriend and I have an amazing sex life. We have sex at least once a day usually and our sex drives match up pretty much perfectly. We both always finish and are always satisfied. Normally I have no complaints, but I want to try some more interesting things once in awhile, but my boyfriend isn't interested. All he wants is kind of hippie free love sex. That's great and all, lots of eye contact, all about the feelings, he loves candles, random bursts of I love you and such, but sometimes I want to do something kinkier. Like I want to watch him masturbate, but he's like, "but it would feel better if you did it..." I recently got super turned on by his job and work uniform and wanted to try a fantasy about that, but he didn't want to do it and was really uncomfortable. It's lovely that's he's an old fashioned sex purist (meaning no porn, he doesn't masturbate unless we're apart for more than several days because he'd rather wait, and he just treats it like the most loving act in the world. Plus he feels the feelings are the most important, like meditation, so he doesn't like to fantasize unless he has the person's permission), but how can I bring him a little out of his comfort zone beyond just talking about it? It's like I'm the guy!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): Wow, you're lucky. That's everything I've wanted out of my boyfriend in sex. I've always wanted to 'make love' and just have really lovely sex. Just because it makes a change in what I'm used to and I think it would be nice. I've never experienced a real nice connection with someone during sex - even with the boy I love now! the sex I have just isn't like that. My boyfriend isn't into the whole 'love making' thing. He just believes sex is sex and it's for fun/excitement, pleasing each other without that special bond. He's the sort who believes sex should be 'sexy' not 'lovely'. Where as I believe sex (with the person you love that is), should be about passion, sharing one another's bodies, candles, etc.But lets face it, we don't want that all the time and forever. We all like a bit of 'rough' sex/kinkiness now and again. It just simply makes a change and stops it from ever getting boring!Tell him you'd like a change! Tell him to compromise and it will be fun. Even if it's only once in a while.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): Hello! I'm just lurking around and i saw your post.
Well, first of all i like your bf. It's so rare to find a bf that treats sex as a sacred one. Coz' its true, sex is not just for for pleasure. It's a way to show the unexpressed feelings.
Now-a-days, guys doesn't mind this at all really.
But, i still understand your part. Sometimes couples should try something new so they won't get bored.
Ahm.
Why don't you try doing those things impromptu? While you two having fun, try to do some things to him. If he refused, tell him to sit back and relax, go with the flow. Just make him feel the sensation. I'm sure if he discovered that it feels good, the next time you have sex again, he'll be the one to break the ice. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): easy just go on the internet and search sex positions and you'll find a whole list
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): oh goodness! You have the dream man! You are very lucky, to have a man like that. My boyfriend is sorta the same way. I always wanted to have sex in random places... (pool, car, livingroom, bathroom etc)But he said he felt more comfortable in the bedroom. Now we (almost) have sex EVERY WHERE! my best advice here, is to get in the mood, turn on the computer...and ya'll look up sex positions. I know thats weird, but just say "hmm, i want to try something new. Sex is wonderful with you, but I want to be able to keep the spark, and let me show you what really turns me on..." and find a sex position that will make both of ya'll comfortable and try it out. Communication is the key! If he still doesn't give in, then...just wait until he gets bored (and im sure he will..)I'm not sure if this is correct..b/c i'm not a male. But..sometimes when my boyfriend isnt exactly comfortable with something, i make sure hes in the mood before i suggest it, b/c..his mind is totally in the gutter..hahaha. For example, this might sound a little "tmi" but..my boyfriend's butthole was a "exit only", but i always wanted to just TRY it, I hear too many stories that it really turns them on. Whenever i would talk it over with him, he always got really uncomfortable and said "no" very firmly. Well...I was giving him a blowjob one day, and he was getting really into it, and i gently started rubbing him etc..and..my finger when in! and he said he absolutely loved it, and wants to try it again!
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