A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Since I have been single from and on and off again replationship, I met a guy an older man that happens to be married. I should have known from the start that I shouldnt get involved with him from when I met him and my girlfrends gave me a little background on him, but since he was so persistant I gave him my phone number and sure enough he called. It has ben two months now of me talking to him we havent had sex but we have shared a few intimate moments kisses here and there, but nothing serious. I no that I should leave him alone because hes married but honestly hes become a very good friend. I must break this off with him because I no that he has an alterior motive with me and I dont want to be his mistress. How do I let him down easy? I dont want this to go any further than it already has because I have already have some feelings for hima nd I no that this is completely wrong.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): He is a married guy and he is cheating his wife instead winning her, you are feeling for him one day but if you join hands with him you will lose your happy future as well as after a while another girl may come in his life and at that time you will feel sorry for what you have done,
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): It's kind of you to consider his feelings, despite his apparent lack of concern for yours (and his wife's!)
However, seeing as how he's trying to cheat on her, with you, I don't think you have any obligation to not call him out on being the slimeball that he is. In fact, if you are anything LESS than blunt, firm, and honest with a man like this he will probably continue to pursue you, as he has already demonstrated his lack of respect for appropriate boundaries. Think about it... do you really want to keep this kind of person as a close friend? Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 December 2010):
 Aww the poor guy! I'll bet he never really loved his wife and that they have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for years...so sad. He's probably just staying with her because of the kids' sake, very noble. I don't blame you for wanting to let this wonderful guy down gently. Here's what I suggest: the gentlest round-house Chuck Norris kick to his cheating fat ass. You will be doing a big service to the sisterhood.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (14 December 2010):
 A married man who kisses other women isn't anyone's "good friend"; especially not his spouses. You know he's just trying to get into your pants AND that he's a cheating husband; Why are you worried about letting him down gently?
Those feeling that you are getting? They're supposed to help you bond to your OWN spouse; not someone else's!!! Point'em in the right direct! Don't bond with this jerk; not a smart gamble; considering he hasn't even bonded with his OWN WIFE.
The worst case scenario is that you wind up with the louse and have to worry about him cheating on YOU when you are home with two small kids!
"A man who marries his mistress creates a job opening." Character doesn't change and You Already Know what to expect of him!!! USE YOUR HEAD AND DUMP HIM. Sheesh. For goodness sake, dump him and block his phone number. Forget the gently part and forget worrying about his feelings, he certainly doesn't care about yours.
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A
male
reader, steph007  +, writes (14 December 2010):
Send him this letter.
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A
female
reader, Maria-consuela +, writes (14 December 2010):
 Let him down easy? The man is married and actively pursuing you, you have zero reason to feel like you have to be gentle in explaining to him your point of view.
I would say that at this point being his friend is a bad idea. You said yourself you are developing feelings, and that you don't feel comfortable with it.
Has he mentioned the fact that he is married? Or has he carefully glossed over that fact in order to keep seeing you.
I would say be very direct and upfront. State emphatically that you are not interested in being a mistress and that the person you want to be with romantically must be devoted to you and you alone. If he seems upset and makes excuses you stick to your guns. If he really cares about you, he will remove himself from his other relationship and make himself available in the way that you need. But I wouldn't hold out for him.
You have no reason to feel like you are the one that should be bashful or feel guilty - as long as you are honest about how you feel. If you feel more comfortable not talking to him, I would say drop communication for self protection. Worry about yourself, not his feelings.
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