A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I can't seem to get past the fact that my girlfriend had the best sex with the guy before me, and it was largely because he was more well endowed than me. She used to say all kinds of things, like "there is such a thing as too big" and how uncomfortable it usually was and that he was very average in bed. But I found out recently that she lied about all that, and he was actually the best sex, mainly because he's bigger, although I am the one she loves. And she does love sex with me, as well.How can I get past this fact? Our relationship is very sexual, but I always feel I am playing second fiddle. Overall, I know she loves me more than him. But I feel I will never measure up in bed.What do I do? I want this relationship to work out, and I am generally not insecure. But this is messing me up something awful.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): Again, her sister bringing this up is kind of weird unless there is a lot more to this conversation that you don't know about.Your gf is 40, you've been with her for over a year, she should be enjoying you, ? what's the deal?You say her sister is a "friend of the relationship", but you may not have gotten my drift. Being a "friend of the relationship" means you support the relationship, and don't say or encourage destructive thinking or behavior. It doesn't matter if the prior guy was her friend or not.Dysfunctional means having relationships that falter, and fail, because they can't mature past the initial sexual attraction. The don't sustain themselves because a partner (possibly both) can't emotionally handle mature relationships.How old is this sister?The other guy was a fuckbuddy, so to speak, and that is just sex. Is that what you are?If the relationship is committed, then you can mature the relationship, and can have better and better sex as the two partners give EACH OTHER feedback on their sex lives and activities. BUT NOT GIVING THAT FEEDBACK TO THE PARTNER, AND TALKING IT OVER WITH OTHERS (SISTERS, FRIENDS, BROTHERS, PARENTS) IS NOT CONSTRUCTIVE.She should be working with you, not her sister, to improve her sexual and emotional relationship between the two of you.Now, if she is fixated on the other guy's penis size and her desire for that, and your sex with her can't measure up because of that, then she's got issues that go way beyond penis size, is in a dysfunctional relationship, and doesn't know how to have a mature relationship.
A
male
reader, alex74 +, writes (15 December 2010):
 I understand that you overheard a private conversation. However, in general, why do women reveal such things to us? It is a form of mental torture. There is nothing a guy can do about his size. Women have the luxury of commonplace breast augmentation if they are dissatisfied with their cupsize. Men have what they are born with. I believe in the "don't ask...don't tell" policy on this subject. Don't tell me because I really don't want to know and you better believe I'm not going to ask about the size of the men that have been there before.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): "When her sister asked "because of his size?""
Just why the hell would her sister be bringing that up?
I have no idea. She hasn't had a BF in a while...maybe she just needs to get laid and thinks about big penises a lot.
How old is this gf, and how long have you been together?
40. About 15 months.
Also, is her sister a "friend of the relationship" or is she a destructive harpy in the relationship?
She's a friend of our relationship, and not the previous guy
Does your gf have a history of dysfunctional relationships?
No, she's actually only been with a few guys. You may have to define "dysfuctional".
Does her sister have a history of dysfunctional relationships? Not to my knowledge
How long was she with the other guy? Off and on for 2 years...mostly sex with occasional frienship type things (hanging out with a group of friends). Nothing regular or committed.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): "he was the best I've had in that area"
Well, this is something that you can't fix, the size issue that is.
If this is what she is missing, and it may very well be, you don't know unless you ask, and even if you do she will probably not be honest about it.
Generally, and I'm not going to speak for anyone but myself here, the best sex is with the person you love, who loves you, who accepts you, who you accept, who you feel safe being vulnerable with. Yes, some women like sizable penises and perhaps like the notoriety of having one in their stable and other people knowing it. But, they don't speak for all women.
Her sister has a role to play here, see questions below.
"When her sister asked "because of his size?""
Just why the hell would her sister be bringing that up?
How old is this gf, and how long have you been together?
Also, is her sister a "friend of the relationship" or is she a destructive harpy in the relationship?
Does your gf have a history of dysfunctional relationships?
Does her sister have a history of dysfunctional relationships?
How long was she with the other guy?
BTW, I had an experience when with a partner, early in the relationship, when the sister would bring up (directly in front of me) my partners prior sexual partners by name and tell her about seeing them around. It was actually not a dig at me, which I thought at the time, it was her digging at he sister for having a successful relationship and there was jealousy involved.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (14 December 2010):
There are a couple of things here. First off, acceptance. You can't change the fact that everyone is a different shape and size, and you are who you are and the other guy is who he is. You can't change that. The good news is that size does not determine the overall quality of sex.
Second, the answer you are looking for is in your gf's response. She said that you "are better at a few things" and that he was the best she had "in that area". Both these statements indicate that the whole expereince has much more to do with size, that there are differing factors, different areas, that influence the enjoyment of the sex.
For all people, different sexual partners will be better at some things than at others, so a sexual relationship with each person is different. What you have going for you is that your gf loves you and loves having sex with you. This will allow you, over time, to explore your sexual relationship with her more deeply and develope more love, more passion, more intimacy, and better sex than she has had in the past. You have the tools to unlocking the best sex that she has ever had, which are love, intimacy, passion, but it takes time for this to all take place. You don't get there by having a big dick. But you also can't get there if you are concerned that you dick is not as big as it could be, that fear comes into the bedroom.
Your overall fear that you wrote is that you won't measure up in bed. To me, the way to get through this is to tell her that you want to explore your sexual relationship with her so that you can find a way of giving her the best sex she has ever had. This might involve you talking about your fears and insecurities around sex, as well as her fears that she might have, but whatever you do its best to be talking about it and exploring it together. If it like a mystery or adventure that you are trying to solve together rather than separately, it can bring you closer together, and bring you both the best sexual relationship you have had.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): To the last anon...I overheard her tell her sister. This guy was a friend of both of theirs, and I guess her sister asked what was up with our sex life and if I was as good. (her sister is a bit wierd in the questions she asks) She said I'm better at a few things, but she misses the sex with him sometimes. When her sister asked "because of his size?" (I guess she knew he was well endowed), my GF said "you could say that...he was the best I've had in that area".
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): Expand on this statement a bit, it may be helpful.
How exactly did this following come to light, be specific.
"I found out recently that she lied about all that, and he was actually the best sex, mainly because he's bigger"
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (14 December 2010):
 Ok, so you're not the biggest she's had. Maybe you're not even the best she's had (as you are now). Then take this as a chance to branch out and try new ways to excite her. Practice your oral skills. Do more with your hands and fingers. Experiment with new positions. Consider toys. Expand your foreplay. Look her in the eyes and make things more personal and sensual. Ask her for help finding all her most sensitive places and learn to love doing what works best for her. It's possible he had an advantage in fitting her just right, but YOU, good sir, are the man she loves and deeply loving sex can be SO MUCH BETTER than raw physical sex!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): Unless you're that poor guy who was born with a half-inch-long penis, size has very little to do with anything. If you're not the best sex she's ever had, I sincerely doubt it's because of the size of your dick. I've been with multiple partners of different ages, sizes, and experience levels and the "best sex" came not from the guy with the biggest penis (which was "too" big, and did in fact hurt) but from a completely average guy who knew EXACTLY how to use what nature gave him ;)
Ask her what she likes and get very good at giving it to her, and in the meantime enjoy all the practice sessions :)
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