A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my bf because it wasn't meant to be. I am trying to get over this but obbviously it's difficult. I have stopped seeing him and he doesnt have my new number. I speak to him once a week now (its only been 2 weeks since the breakup) Should I completely cut off communication and not speak to him once a week if i wanna get over him? b/c regardles, i still think about him and still feel for him. Secondly, I fantasize about the next time i meet him and how ill want to hug him and kiss him. I want to wait it out, maybe a couple months of hardly talking, is it okay to meet an ex? or will this just make it harder in the end to get over him? I really really wanna see him in a couple months, maybe b/c i just don't wanna let him go, whats wrong with me? how do u get over someone...i don't want to rebound either b/c ikno i am not interested in anyone, ifeel hopeless as if, i will never b attracted to anyone ever again:( how do i change this mentality and just let ppl in? I hav this thing with comparing guys to my ex and my ex always wins, i just see something wrong with everyone, how do i stop this? Let me make the questions clearer:1.) is it okay to meet up with ur ex if u still have feelings for him?2.) How do I stop being so picky? I don't want to settle and I don't want to be picky, i can't seem to find the right balance. 3.) How do you let go of your ex when you had major history with him?Thanks!
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female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (13 September 2008):
 i think it will take at least 6 months to fully get over him.
please do not cheaper the choice you made in breaking up with him by trying to go back to him. let the past stay where it lies.
just remember, you are one guy closer to finding the right person to you.
and you need to relearn how to depend on yourself only. that's why it's important to stay awayyyyyyyy from boys for a while!!!
second romances turn out just as good as the first. i dated a guy for 2 years, it took me about a year to get over him, then i dated a new guy for 6 months and it was love all over again.
have faith, keep your chin up, and move on!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou give wonderful advice...i was with him for exactly one year...theres things about him that i dont like, and i can def remind myself of those things, but i stil have urges to hug him and kiss him again,,one last time, but that might not b the smartest thing to do..i dont think ill get over him in 2 months, id prob not talk to him but still see him in 2 months and tell him that i miss him...i wanna do this but i dont wanna do this.
I want to b/c i had history with him and still feel for him
i dont want to b/c I want to start feeling for others...maybe not just yet, but hopefully in 6 months i wanna b independant again...u know, b4 i met my ex..a good year ago, i was SO independant, so into my own thing, i dint NEED a man or depend on one, but now...if ANYTHING happens i think of wanting to tell my ex cuz im so used to it...he has always been that supporting figure for the past yr...thru the process, i really think i lost myself :( I want to get back into my old self and find a romance...sometimes i feel like, once u have a romance w/someone and have all these amazing moments, u cant get em again with someoen else...even if u try, it just wont b the same, I wanna ask u, have u experienced a second romance? and in some ways, can it b better than the first? Ppl do it all the time and i dont get how, b/c recently i went on a date with this other guy and it freaked me out that I didnt' like him or was even attracted to him, so wen he made a move on me, i went with it to see if i was feelin it for him or if this felt romantic at all...it didnt, and i refused to kiss him, leaving the car...and breaking down at the fact that 1.) I let him touch me and lost value for myself and for him 2.) that it will always b like this, every guy (no matter how smart, witty or funny he is...cuz this new guy i dated was: smart, witty, funny and rich lol) will not turn me on, will not give me what i want, will not make me feel like my ex madde me feel, eventho i know deep down my ex isnt right for me either...maybe i just havent found "the one" ahh...relationships are SO CONFUSING.
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A
female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (11 September 2008):
honestly, i have been in that exact same position. and i highly recommend a clean break from him for a couple weeks to a couple months... however long it takes. otherwise we girls tend to linger and it HURTS.
cutting him off will hurt a lot in the beginning but as the days pass you'll begin to smile at how you can go 5 minutes without thinking about him, then an hour, then a day.
then a week!!
i wouldn't meet up with him just yet.
as for being picky, don't try to change your mentality just yet. stay unattracted to men for a while. you need a break from guys after a break up. time to refind yourself, who you are, what you stand for, time to get used to being single again. don't even look at other guys so you have no reason to compare them to your ex!
finally, on how to let go, you said so yourself: it wasn't meant to be! to remind yourself of why things were broken off, make a list of all the ways you two were not compatible. every little character trait that bugged you. and then stick it in front of your face where you will see it whenever your heart aches.
THEN go out and watch a sappy love movie where everything is perfect. compare you last relationship with the perfect relationship. and remind yourself that the perfect relationship is what you deserve!!!
how long were you with him? i'll be able to give you an estimated time frame of how long you should keep away haha.
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