A
female
age
36-40,
*mess
writes:So I have been married going on 2 years and lately i have not felt anything for my husband, I do not want to be sexually active and I take any chance of being away from him take so extra shifts at work what ever it takes. My husband says that he loves me very much and he always wants me to be around him just because he says like if i have a day off and he is working he wants me to stay at his job FOR WHAT he says just because i want you there. Now i do not want to be in this marriage anymore I am always stressed, Unhappy I hardly eat anymore I either sleep to much or can not sleep at all. I want to tell him that i do not love him anymore and i want out but I am worried that it will hurt him way to much plus he is in school now and i dont want it to affect his schooling I do not know what to do I want my life back someone help me please
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 November 2009):
Before you get out, ask yourself why you're feeling this way. Are you feeling unloved, or uncared for. Marriage takes a lot of effort, and if you give up easy this time, you'll give up easy next time and the time after. It would be a shame to give up, only to find that you've made a mistake, or that it was something that you could have fixed. I really would suggest that you at least tell him something needs to be done, or suggest counselling to see if it can be fixed.
That said, if it can't, then the first thing you must realize is that there is no way at all you can't hurt him by breaking up with him. Bluntly, he will be extremely hurt, no matter what you do. So it might also be a good idea to seea cousellor before you do it, so they can help you word it. Make sure you know all your legal rights beforehand, then you'll have to sit him down and tell him it's over.
But my suggestion would be that you look at it carefully before you split. Don't be afraid to seek help so you can fix it. Marriage takes a lot of work, and those that both work hard can be very happy 99% of the time.
A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (21 November 2009):
 Do you have any idea why you've suddenly lost any feeling for your husband? Have you made any attempt at working things out, or are you just desperate for escape?
I think once you've evaluated why you aren't feeling the same way as he is anymore, you should talk with him about it, openly and frankly. If its something you think you can work on and improve, throw yourself into trying to improve it - don't hold back, and if it doesnt work you can say you truly tried to salvage your marriage and it just wasn't right. If you honestly think its beyond repair, tell him that and divorce him. Let both you and him pick yourselves and move on - let him find somebody whos going to appreciate and reciprocate his love.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009): What exactly is making you soo upset? Is it too late for counciling??
I think there is definately something missing, is he smothering you or are you just doing what he wants all the time. Do you hang out with your friends much, try seeing them once a week without him. I do hope you can work on this because marrige isnt something to throw away because your in a bad patch.
If you are over it though then, Im afraid the best way to deal with it is to be upfront about how you feel and end it. He will be upset but the sooner you get it over with the sooner he will be ok again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009): I can completely sympathise with you writer. I, too, am facing the same dilema. I have been married 11 years, yet together for 18 years, we have a daughter who is 13.
For the last 4 years, I have struggled with the feelings of fading love. I never thought it would happen, not to us. The last year, I had looked for apartments, yet found I wasn't quite sure how to tell him that I want out. When he asks me what I want or how to fix our problems, I find that I can't look him in the eye and tell him that I love him, but want both of us to be happy like we were years ago. I stay and hope for a change. I want to be in love with him, like I always had been, but find I can't even obtain "true" eye contact.
Writer: My advice is your relationship is young, sounds like no children are involved..... I would be honest with your feelings with him before you both lose too much time... time of youth, happiness and less stress.
Goodluck writer.
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