A
female
age
41-50,
*vb
writes:I have two sons and I am tired of their father cheating on me with other women and denying it. How can I leave this man that I love and who is the father of my two children without hurting my children? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, matt-in-need  +, writes (27 October 2008):
Hello there, I don’t know if I’m the right person to give advice... but here i go. There is one sure thing in life, its love but it’s a 2 way street, he must love you and you must love him. If not then you must leave. Kids want to see you happy. This I know!! From my own experience. I had an affair I know you might condemn me but every situation is different. I found out that life is about happiness... life is too short to aurgue this. But it is up to you. Only you know what is in your heart. Your sanity to your kids is more important to them than you know!!! My kids have said this to me...... and it’s true. When I’m happy they are happy... kids are smarter than we give them credit.
I wish you all the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): I am so sorry that this husband of yours has put you and the his children, through all this. It sounds in spite of the love you feel for him, your own self-love and emotional survival is dependent on getting away from this uncaring man. This must be a horrible, painful roller coaster ride of emotions, you've been on! There are some people, who get married but never should have. Why? Because they haven't grown up and faced life in a responsible adult way. High school boys flit back and forth between different females, due to immaturity and lack of responsibility. But they all grow up and move on from that. They become committed 'adults'. It sounds like you have this “kid” for a husband, acting irresponsibly kid, not like a devoted, adult man. He's telling lies and seems to have no concern about upending and causing deep pain, in the lives of his family. It now has come down on your shoulders to change this hurtful path, in your life and change things for the betterment of you and the kids. Your husband very well be a lost cause. He won't change but you can. Your children will pull through. Kids are resilient and strong. Many of us should take a "page from their book" to learn about bouncing back from adverse pain. Amazing little people, they are! Many children globally pull through the divorce of their parents, due to infidelities. Of course you will feel sad -they will feel sad, for awhile, but in the long run, you will heal, recover and give your kids, the best of you. So in the long run, they will eventually benefit from having a happier, more independent, emotionally healthy Mom. Because as it sits right now, I can only imagine the sadness and unhappiness you must be enduring. I suggest you take the first step and seek a legal separation. Talk to your family doctor about possibly getting into a program where you can learn to help your wee ones cope with divorce. Family counseling is a good option. Also look for a strong support system from your own family and trusted friends. You deserve better, hun and so do your kids. And you are the only one who can do something to making that happier existence for them and yourself. Good luck, be strong and my heart is with you. xxx
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A
female
reader, JustChillin +, writes (26 October 2008):
 How do you know your husband has cheated on you? Have you physically caught him cheating, or do you have solid evidence that he has cheated on you?
If he is in fact cheating on you, then you need to confront him, but not in front of your children. You see, your children really don't have anything to do with your husband's infidelity in the marriage. So often, children are used like "pawns" in a game of chess...in this case a game of "marriage chess"!! =/
If you two end up splitting up, please try to be as amicable as you possibly can for the sake of your children. Afterall, I'm sure your husband's love for his two children has not changed, even though it appears that the dynamics between you two may have changed. I'm sure you have the same love for your two children, even though you are angry and hurt by your husband's actions.
You didn't mention how many years you two have been married, and it's possible your marriage can still be saved with seeking out marriage counseling. If you attend church, sometimes you can seek out help from your pastor or church head.
Best Wishes to you and I hope all works out in the long run. =))
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