| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: im trying it hard for long time to forgive my mother inside of my heart, since i was young she abuse my emotion so much, she hurt my feeling so much, she tell me all the worst word that you can not imagine that mother can tell to her daughter. i go far away because i want a space a little time to learn to forgive her and just to understand her' but she is following me even in telephone, she never seen me after such a long 5 years already but she is too much.but even shes doing this to me, i still helping her by sending money to support her and the rest of family, but for her i never did right' i am always the bad person she ever saw in her entire life. i dont wanna see her anymore thats what i feel now, but at least i want to forgive her inside of my heart because its also affecting me. everytime i see from friend a happy relationship between mother and daughter i just always think, why i never had a mother like that.and i cant help it i start to cry and inside of me is hate to my mother and nothing but hate. how can i forgive her if she never stop hurting my heart and emotion? i dont wanna lose contact to my family because i still wanna help them in financial matters cos i know she need that since my father can not help her really.tnx a lot for haveing time for me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): I am in the same boat as you girl. I am now living in America while she is in England and she still has affected my life in a negative way. I no longer keep in contact anymore. I have to heal myself for me to move on. I have a mother and she is like an empty shell and I always felt like I did the worst thing possible compared to my other siblings. I never felt love from herat all. I simply got fedup of her putting me down and enough was enough. Heal yourself first and if in time you want to reconnect with your mother do so, but she has to talk to you from the heart to make you understand why she was like this with you in the first place. Life isn't easy, it's work, work, work, or there would not be a web site like this and many others alike. No doubt you love your mother, but not all mothers are loving.
A
female
reader, Sally R. Cinnamon +, writes (19 December 2006):
 Honey,
I can only imagine how it must feel when you hear about other people's relationships with their mothers, and you feel sick to the heart. You have never been given the treasure of a good loving realtionship with your mother and it is something you have to live without. I really feel for you. You have been unlucky in life in this respect.
You are trying to forgive your mother in order to heal your heartache. But what is truly important is that you work out how to overcome and live with whats happened directly. Forgiveness is something that you don't create yourself out of nothing. If you get happy in life, and one day get to the point that hearing about other people's mothers does not bring bad memories, then you might look back and realise you have forgiven her.
I don't know what your journey will be and to be honest I don't know that it won't ever stop hurting. But you have to make other things the centre, the focus and the value of your life and not your relationship with your mother. Don't force yourself to forgive, but look at ways at becoming stronger yourself and dealing with the pain. You didn't get the mother you wanted... but there's many other things in life for you.
So let go of the urge to forgive and work on healing yourself. I am totally in awe of the fact that you still support and try to do the best by your parents. Stick to that path. Don't burden yourself with the aim of forgiveness, but work on smaller things. One day you might just find that it doesn't matter so much to you about what you didn't get from your mother, you might just find that you have enough in yourself. I hope that day will come to you and will come soon.
-Sally
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A
female
reader, Ivanna22 +, writes (19 December 2006):
 well I think you should be nice to her but don't force your self to forgive her. Maybe she doesn't deserve you to forgive her. Did she even say sorry about all this?? If she did and you guys talked about it maybe you should consider forgiving her, but if she didn't then I don't know, but don't force your self.
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