A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I'm a 26 year old guy. Started a new job few months back and am in a good place right now. I'm meeting a lot of people with whom I need to co-ordinate to get my job done on a daily basis. The problem is however that I get too friendly too quick and poke fun at my colleagues with no intention of causing disrespect. I often realise later that it probably didn't come off as I had intended.I also don't have a filter and say the first thing that comes to mind. There have been too many situations where I felt like maybe I should not have said something.I recently got a promotion and am dealing with higher level employees as well now so I do not want to ruffle any feathers. How do I curb my enthusiasm and think about what I must say before saying it. There are days when I decide I'm gonna be cool today, but as soon as I am in social situation, I screw up. How does one practice thinking before what they say. I've tried and and failed before. How do I stop being so spontaneous? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (26 September 2018):
 To be fair, it's best just not to poke fun at colleagues. Some people laugh it off, but poking fun at people shouldn't be your go to. You can be friendly without being potentially disrespectful or unprofessional.
Just learn not to poke fun and to be friendly in a professional manner. I'm sure there are plenty of articles and videos giving examples online :)
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (26 September 2018):
 I suspect you are actually quite insecure and trying too hard to "fit in" and be "one of the guys". However, you have been promoted so you are quite obviously impressing your supervisors/managers. Keep reminding yourself of that and try to relax when with your colleagues.
Don't feel you have to interact ALL THE TIME. Take a back seat and let others be the centre of attention. Pay attention to what people say without feeling you have to respond with anything other than acknowledgement or a friendly laugh (if appropriate of course!) Be friendly without "poking fun". (I know from experience how annoying it can be for someone who you barely know poking what they see as "fun" at you - it can be quite insulting and definitely not "fun" for the person at the receiving end.)
Good luck in your job. You are obviously doing well. Don't blow it by trying too hard with your colleagues.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (26 September 2018):
 Learn to count before speaking. This will give your brain the time required to assess the situation and say what's most appropriate. Count down from five, your enthusiasm will have simmered enough, and you won't be nearly as spontaneous. Hopefully you'll keep your humour, and your behaviour won't ruffle any feathers.
Take care xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2018): How do you stop being so spontaneous?
Think before you speak! It takes practice. Assess the crowd, and consider the situation you're in. Most inappropriate chatter comes from insecurity or nervousness. Speaking out of line often comes from hanging in the wrong crowd; and developing bad-habits in social situations. You may have had too many rowdy buddies during college; and you're still in that mode. Don't hangout at sports bars!
Professionalism is a sign of polish and astuteness. Practice what you see everyone else doing. Most of it will rub-off on you anyway. You're green, and most people will attribute it to your youth; but they can also attribute your behavior to crassness and ignorance. Considering that, should curb your enthusiasm a bit.
Remember you are at work, not at a frat-party or a bar. Look into the eyes of the people you are talking to; and that will temper the words that come out of your mouth. Consider how that person might, or will, have an impact on your success with the company. Read your code of conduct manual; and it will tell you what type of conduct your employer expects of you.
Stop showing-off. No one is impressed by your cocky-wit. Cockiness will have your balls handed to you on a platter; if directed at the wrong person. So slow your roll and pullback on the reigns. You're trying too hard to make an impression, get attention, and speaking before you think it out first.
Thus far, you've made your first-impression. Now your job is to reverse it. That's your next project.
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