A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:Many of my close friends, family members, past partners, in the last year have noted I'm judgemental, unpleasant about people I don't approve of, angry, basically a bitch. In my mind I have a bitchy sense of humour, but obviously for some people it goes too far. I've heard these comments pretty much every week. It all came to a head last week, when a colleague said I was 'back-biting', another said I was 'going to end up with noone to work with at this rate'. I've come to terms with the fact there must be truth in these criticisms. Something for me to work on, sure, noone's perfect. But also noone wants to be around someone who is perceived to be negative and prickly. I tend to tell people what I think, sometimes directly, what are techniques/phrases that get across my feelings without being perceived to be bitter/a bitch? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, seneca +, writes (27 June 2010):
Oh, come on!
The answer to the question posed by the title is dead easy.
Just don't be bitchy and judgemental.
It's not rocket science. Just use your self-control and don't be tempted by the easy put-downs which first occur to you.
Just don't do it!
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (27 June 2010):
 Being bitter and making nasty comments about others is telling about how you are feeling about you. It stems from lack of self confidence and lashing out at others is one way to make yourself feel better about yourself (a defence mechanism). Sadly in some workplaces and social environments, being bitchy is almost an accepted part of the culture. It shouldn't be that way and is emotionally eroding on the target of the bullying. Being overtly condemning of other people suggests a lack of awareness and contact with other sorts of people. To take it to extremes, people who are racists often have little direct contact with the people they berate. People who laugh at disabled people rarely have direct personal contact with this group. If you get to know your work colleagues a bit more, then more tolerance and understanding will follow. Being snide about people in work suggests you have little understanding and empathy towards other people at the moment. This, combined with self esteem issues, would explain why some people become targets for your gossip. There are plenty of things you can do about self esteem - but ultimately better behaviour towards others will come from acceptance of yourself for 'you' (faults and all). If you are happy with you, the circumstances of people around you falls down in importance.
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A
female
reader, Wise Woman of the Forest +, writes (27 June 2010):
 Perhaps you should go for more subtle ways of giving people your opinion. For instance, instead of saying "don't buy that, it makes you look fat", you could say, "I'm not sure that suits your shape". And suggest an alternative. And maybe keep comments about colleagues to yourself, perhaps even try complimenting people on their attire. Simple things like this will see others changing their opinion on you. (:
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