A
female
age
30-35,
*ts_BECCA
writes:Heyy, Well the thing is I'm a really self-conscious person, I hide myself a lot (mostly my face) and I freak out when I'm standing with or next to a boy or a girl (I'm Bisexual)I know I'm not pretty, and I hate it when person tell me otherwise. I do get people actually asking to do things with them, which it pretty gross, but at the same time flattering. This is only because at least they want me for something, which happens to be only sex.When people do this, it does hurt me, in a sense that people ovbiously think I've slept around, and I haven't. I'm still a virgin.I just want to know if I could really find someone who'll actually love me for me... And not for any other reason (sex). Even though I dont let anyone get close to me.
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female
reader, Wise Woman of the Forest +, writes (27 June 2010):
 Of course you will. I know numerous people have said "there's someone out there for everyone" but it's true and all you have to do is look. And clearly, although you find it degrading, when people are asking you to do things, they find you attractive. Take this as little confidence boosts. If you feel your self-esteem has really slipped, try looking confident. People are more likely to approach someone who is smiling and looks friendly. Another way to make yourself feel content is pampering yourself. Try going shopping with a friend and buying clothes you think you look good in. Try exaggerating your favourite feature, as this will draw attention to it and away from the ones you don't favour so much. It helps to keep a list of the things you like about yourself by the mirror, so when you feel down you can look at it. Also, by complimenting your friends, you most likely will recieve a complimnet back and that's always nice, isn't it? If you're looking for a stable non-physical relationship, I would suggest doing something you enjoy and that makes you happy. Maybe join a class in it. And if you meet someone, you already have a common interest. Try to develop a strong relationship before getting into the physical side of it. Often virgin's just lose it in a meaningless confrontation and regret it (:
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 June 2010):
You will find someone, but not right now while you're esteem is so low and you're so self concious. The problem with having low self esteem, is that it acts as a ball and chain, just dragging you down. Good guys see that, and avoid it. It scares us. When a good guy tells a woman she's pretty, he means it. What he doesn't want is to be made to think he's lying, or to have a girl then insist that she's not pretty. That closes doors on decent relationships, because a good guy won't be with a person who thinks so lowly of herself.
Sadly, the bad guys will. Those that are out to use a woman for sex will spot a woman will low self esteem a mile away, and will say everything and anything to get her into bed before dumping her. Right now, you've found that those guys are interested in you just for sex, because they know your esteem is low. Thankfully, your esteem isn't low enough that they have used you. So you stick to your guns about men.
I think you need to look at your own life and work out why you're feeling so low about yourself. And if that means counselling, then it means counselling. You need to find out why you're hurt, why you're self esteem is low, and why you won't let anyone get close. Once you understand yourself and you see you're a lot better than you think, and you feel better about yourself, good guys will start to come for you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (27 June 2010):
 Would you love someone for his or herself, who never let anyone get close to him or her?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 June 2010):
 Yes, you will. You might have to start crawling out of your comfort zone though, and approach someone. But with time, yes, I am sure you will find someone who loves you for you. You just haven't been around long enough yet to meet him or her.
But, you need to let that person close to you or else they will never get to know you. And if they never get to know you they won't be able to love you.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (27 June 2010):
 Firstly, you are only 16/17, so you have so long just to have fun before tying yourself down. Don't stress about that or try to rush into a relationship because that will just delay things even more and put people off.
The other thing most people find attractive is confidence. You know you're not confident about your looks, but they don't. Fake confidence is a wonderful thing, because then when people respond positively, your real confidence grows.
When people are only looking for sex, they look at looks and not personality. This suggests your looks aren't as bad as you think they are. These people obviously find you attractive, maybe if you got to know them better and they found out more about you and your personality, they might want something more than sex. But don't just spend time with people who want to have sex with you. Get closer to people who aren't looking for sex as well. It's always better when the emotional relationship happens before the physical one.
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