A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im 23 and my partner is 26 we have been together for 3yrs and are both madly in love but our sex life needs a bit of sparking up but how do i know what he is into, what his fantasies are and how do i let him know what mine are with out bluntly asking or telling him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): First of all, make sure that both of you will be fine if you discover that the other fantasizes about having wild sex with someone else or him having a 3some with you and another woman who you both know or something like that. What if he fantasizes about having a BDSM session, with you tied up or him tied up? Will that bother you? Just be prepared for whatever comes.
As to how to bring it up - How about something like, "Do you ever have fantasies?" Do this while you are lying in bed and casually talking. He should probably say yes, although it is possible that he actually doesn't if he says no. If he says yes, the you could ask, with a smile, "Who are they about?" or "What do you do in them?" and go on from there.
A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (8 February 2010):
 Get a Kama Sutra book and begin experimenting ... And you'll have fun doing it too! This will give a new light on your sex with him. it may also expose fantasies you never new about each other.
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A
male
reader, polarkite  +, writes (8 February 2010):
 I'd agree with the other posters.
Just ask him if he has any. Let him know that it turns you on that he does. Let him know you are open to trying new things. Then ask him to whisper in your ear to you one of those fantasies. Let him know if you would do it, or repeat and ask him for another fantasy. Then give him a cute smile and say I'd like that.
Then ask him he wants to hear one of your fantasies. And whisper that into his ear. See how he reacts. Repeat.
Later in bed ask him if you guys can try out some of those fantasies.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 February 2010):
Ask him and talk to him about it. That's the best way to find out.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (8 February 2010):
 Ask him. If you try to be subtle or drop hints, he isn't likely to tell you anything that he has kept secret this long. If you want to share fantasies, start by opening up to him about yours, then ask him to share his. Reassure him that you won't be freaked out, promise him that you'll be understanding no matter what he mentions, and ask him to share his kinks. But this is a MAJOR trust test, so even if he says something that's disgusting to you, you NEED to be calm about it or you can be sure he'll never open up about his desires again.
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