A
female
age
36-40,
*yg79
writes:How do I know if my house mate needs professional help to get over her breakup? I live with a couple that broke up over the summer after we signed a lease. Where all in college. At the beginning of the school year she acted as if her and her ex (my other house mate) where still together, I’m not even sure if she told her family. They where high school sweethearts and she came to this school because of him. I hear them argue on almost a nightly basis now, I try and ignore it and not eves drop. She is pure emotion, and takes her anger out on him, for his part he never raises his voice and at times even apologizes. Lately I’ve become concerned because before her worded attacks had just been defensive, such as “why are you being mean to me.” Now the attacks have become more aggressive, and more emotional in the senses that there purely irrational. He escapes to our friends house, which only fuels the hurt she must feel, since she feels as if where all judging her. She and I are not particularly close, but I have seen here get depressed and she has said she thought they would marry after college. Today the argument took on a physical nature. After some heated words, he stated that he thought her crazy, where upon hearing that she shoved him as he went out the door, then she stomped off. Should I approach her and try and get her to see a school councilor or just see if things blow over? I mean anger is better then withdrawal right?
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female
reader, Cyg79 +, writes (28 July 2008):
Cyg79 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well its been awhile but i thought i would throw in this follow up. Things did get worse and came to a climax when she decided to hurt herself over spring break. Long story short she ended up getting counseling.
A
female
reader, Cyg79 +, writes (2 December 2007):
Cyg79 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your comment, even if i do feel that your calling me condescending, mean and insensitive. I've decided that, counseling probably wouldn't do much for her, I'm just not sure what to do or say and i wish i knew someone that did. I fear that I and our other friends have been ignoring the situation for 3 months now and things are only escalating. But only time will tell, and maybe i just need to give it more time before i worry. Anger and sorrow are strong emotions, and can be irrationally driven and that is what concerns me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): Unless you are a great friend of her's and really know what's going on, I think it would be VERY condescending and insensitive for you to suggest councelling. I just think that's mean and I am not quite sure where you are coming from. I mean if you genuinely are trying to help, then why don't you lend a ear for her to talk to. Try to be her friend. Find out her side of the story. Give her good advice in a sweet way. To me it just sounds like you are taking sides and being judgemental. Everybody has problems and alot of people get very emotional in relationships and maybe she is a bit imbalanced. I have had problems before and I feel so lucky to have had the friends that I have had who have been with me through it and take me shopping and tell me their wisdom and love me all the more and give me support and not judge me, give me a shoulder to cry on. But if they were to just bluntly suggest councelling and nothing more?? You are VERY insensitive. God forbid you should ever be in the same position.
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