A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm finding it hard to get over my ex. I'll keep it short and to the point. We had been together for 9 months. She is 24 and I am 30. We met last Christmas while away with our families and it was love at first sight....I totally fell for her and she did for me. We found out we had the same birthday and both loved going out etc and bang...it was a full on relationhip. Unfortunately it started as a long distance thing..we would see each other when possible ...1 a week etc and she would always come to where I lived and stay with me. Eventually she moved away from her famly etc and moved in with me...(she only lived about 100 miles away to be fair) So we live togther , and have a fantastic time...obvioulsy there were the occasional issues and rows but these things happen in relationships. She made me feel on top of the world , I was proud to know she was the woman that loved me . She showed me a lot of love and talked about our future together etc a lot. Anyway, she had always been told she could never have children due to a medical condition and was always haunted by this. Well, somehow we managed to get pregnant and were both over the moon...We talked about names, where we would live and how it would all evolve. To be honest I think we were both a little scared but surely that is natural for first time parents ? She was concerned about our future together as she came from a broken home...After 2 months into th pregnancy she began to get home sick understandably and kept going back to see her mother. I wanted to embrace this and went back with her to show support etc... I did everyting to show her I was there for her ...To cut this short as I know I'm going on a bit , I was with her parents being congratulated about being a dad...We left their house and she turned to me and said "I love you so much, all my family do too, I wouldn't want to have a child with anyone else in the world" .....Next morning we came back to mine , she said it was all over , packed up her things and left me !!! She said there was no future in it and wanted a termination. .... She had the termination 6 weeks ago....didn't want me around. We've had little contact to be honest..we've seen each other a few times and ended up in bed once....now we aren't talking and she seems to want nothing to do with me .... I'm finding it so hard to work out how this all happend..She is on my mind and in my heart all the time...I'm not able to move on and need some sort of advice on what to do....I want her back and to make what happend right...does she resent me for what happend even though I wanted to have the baby....My head is so messed up and all I can do is sit down and cry about how this all turned out. I had everything , and now I have nothing....!!!
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christmas, long distance, move on, moved in, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (2 December 2007):
 Hi again, first you do not have to wait for a fetus to be 'big enough to be terminated' it can be done anytime up to 3 months (16 weeks) and even then it can still be done, but it is far less likely. The fetus can be aborted anytime from the time it is concieved. so waiting till its 10 weeks is very unlikely. I think she must have had an early scan and been told there was something seriously wrong, perhaps she had been given a date for the temination as two weeks along, but I seriously DO NOT believe she chose to have a termination. You really really need to TALK with her, get the truth or you will not rest. Maybe when she tells you the truth, if you can forgive her, there may be a chance you can win her back.
Is she getting treatment for the endometriosis? Please read up a bit here... http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/articles/article.aspx?articleId=150
Its possable she may be blaming you for giving her hope, by getting her pregnant, but the loss of the child has devistated her. she will need grieving time for the loss, but you can still mend bridges if you can get her to be honest.
Feel free to keep talking to us. xxxxxxxx
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (2 December 2007):
 Just thinking aloud. When the two of you started it was a known fact for her that she could not have kids. Perhaps with her getting pregnant a whole other world opened up for her. Did she date other guys who ended things when they realized she could not have kids? I think it is possible that there is someone she would rather have a child with. This is the only thing I can think of. I am sorry if these words hurt you and maybe I am wrong. I just can't imagine a woman who had been told she could not have kids terminating a pregnancy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): I was thinking the exact same thing as pgyssid. Well not exactly, but I also felt like their is something suspicious about all this. I mean if you have told us everything that you know, then it sounds like perhaps there was something that she was hiding from you. I mean it is VERY possible that she is keeping something from you and the stress got to her. How well do you feel you know this girl?? I mean was she real open about her life and her past?? And was she talkative and wanted you to know about her and all that??I know this is not what you want to hear and I may be wrong about it. Look, you had a baby with her. Unfortunatley she terminated it but you should have had a say in what happened cause it was your child too, and so I feel like you have EVERY right to know what is going on. I know it sounds crazy, but because of the situation I think it is very understandable. So could you contact her family and perhaps ask them what happened?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): Thanks for your replies,She was 10 weeks when she had the termination....we had to wait for two weeks untill the baby was big enough to be terminated. I watched her do 3 tests which all came up positive and also saw her body change physically.She had endodemitriousis (not the right spelling I know !) I can't explan the confusion i have ....my only thoughts are she got scared ? [Moderator note]endometriosisn. (Medicine) "disorder affecting women in which uterine tissue grows outside the uterus (in the pelvic cavity, ovaries, etc.)"
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A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (1 December 2007):
I just thought, another question, what was the medical reason for the not being able to have children thing?
Thanks xxx
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A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (1 December 2007):
This doesnt smell right, a woman who is told she cannot have s=children, miraculously falls pregnant then has a termination??? Either she was never pregnant and the lies were too much for her, or she miscarried and was too afraid to tell you, or there was something SERIOUSLY wrong with the baby.
Exactly how many weeks was she when she had the so called termination? did you go to scans? did you see scans of the baby? How may doc appts did she have? did you attend any mid-wife appoints with her?
Im sorry, but Im not sure you did anything wrong, and Im certain this isnt the full story, either you dont know the full story, or you with-holding some vital info.
If you can answer some of these questions, we will find it far easier to give you the best advice on this.
Thankyou fr your question, I hope to hear back from you real soon.
xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): did she have an abortion? wow... this is crazy. well i honestly think you guys jumped into a relationship and moved in together too quick. only 9 months of just knowing her! yikes! maybe she just realized that stuff were going too quick and also b/c she is still awfully young and it wasn't the right time to do all this. i know it is wrong for her to leave you hanging, but just realize that life goes on. hopefully it will move on for the better, that is if you make it happen. just think positive and realize what was there is not there anymore.
sorry, i hope this helps.
Anila.
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