A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im a 17 year old girl. i think im bi-sexual but im just not sure! in my group of friends we have a lesbain, and as a joke my other friends and i lead her to believe i was bi, but now i really think i am, but i dont know how to know for sure.ive had sexual experiences with guys and when i had sex it felt that i never wanted to do it again, it hurt so much and i had to stop. but on the other hand when i was younger about 12 i had a sexual experience with a girl but i just thought that was part of growing up as we never spoke about it again. even to this day.i think about both boys and girls in a sexual way, its just the whole consept of straight sex - i just hate and dnt want to do. I want my own kids when im older and i think that is one of the major things keeping me from being totally sure about myself.i have not been open about the way that i feel to anyone because im not even sure myself. but any advise that anyone could give me would be very much appreciated and letting me know what you think! thank you for reading and for your time :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 First off it sounds like you've had some bad experiences with sex with men. Have you only tried it a few times? The sex usually gets better once you get used to it, and your vagina stretches out to fit the penis. But were you aroused? Did you get wet? If not then he didn't turn you on. That doesn't mean you can't get turned on by men, it just means that one guy didn't do it for you.
It can be the same with women, even if you are bisexual you don't get attracted to every woman you see. Some are more picky about who they are attracted to than others, and it's normal for a bisexual to be more picky about one gender than the other. It's also normal to be sexually attracted to both genders, or one gender over the other, but want a relationship with only one gender and not the other.
I'm bisexual. I know I am because I have fallen in love with girls and have had girl crushes. However those girls were straight so nothing happened, and I guess Im picky about girls. I wouldn't just have a relationship with anyone in either case, men or woman. But the pool of men I find attractive for a relationship is larger to me than the pool of women I'd find attractive for a relationship. Thus I've never had a homosexual relationship. But I am very sexually attracted to women, on a strictly sexual level. I can have sex with them and enjoy it a lot, even Im happy only having had boyfriends.
I too would like children one day, of my own. And I was scared and worried that I'd fall in love with a woman and we'd want to get married and then never have children. But then I thought about it like this instead: if I was to fall in love with a woman and get serious with her, she's not some stranger you know. She'd be a wonderful person who gave me a lot of joy and love. Why should that be negative? And together we'd work it out, because if she loved me as I loved her (hypothetically) she'd know that I wanted children and she'd be a person who wants children as well.
Just the same I am as likely to fall in love with a man who doesn't want children! Or a man who is sterile. Or I could be sterile! You know, there's just no way you can guarantee a picture perfect life no matter what gender you find yourself in love with.
Try to experiment some more, not only with sex, but with relationships. Like I said though, sex isn't supposed to hurt or be uncomfortable or unpleasant. If it was that way for you then you weren't with a man who cared for you and treated you the right way in bed. Perhaps he was naive and didn't know what to do, and just went for what guys do in porn without figuring out how you work and how to please you. But bad sex with one guy definitely does not mean you will forever have bad sex with every guy. The guy I first had sex with didn't exactly give me pleasure, but things got better when I changed the guy and got more experience, and soon I was able to fully enjoy it.
A last piece of advice. Don't be fixated on labeling yourself. You don't HAVE to be straight, homosexual or bisexual. You're allowed to be a little in between of all, go back and forth, be a bit bisexual one week and back to straight the other, in the process of figuring out who you are. Remember that the main goal is in either direction: to find a person that makes you happy. Keep your eyes on that goal and the journey there will be less confusing.
A
male
reader, Jjang19  +, writes (17 March 2011):
Females are generally more sexually active than guys (The general consensus is that guys like sex better than girls but thats not true. Guys like the feeling of being the alpha male where as women dont have that issue and straight up just enjoy pleasure). Therefore, its fine that you have these feelings. Bisexuality is nothing to be ashamed of, ESPECIALLY for women. The reason why it is more joked about and frowned upon with men is that there cant be 2 alpha males. With women that problem does not occur. I suggest just going to a gay bar or even just while drinking, fool around with some of you girl friends at a girls night, nothing to serious at first, just to give it a feel. I know girls who arn't lesbians who make out and feel each other up just for fun so it shouldnt be awkward if you do it just as a test. Hope this helped :)
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (17 March 2011):
 Hey, just to start with pretending to be bisexual to make fun of a lesbian friend isnt exactly the nicest thing to do.
Now about you, well the first few times everyone has sex it hurts and isnt really that nice so what you felt is totally normal. Your still young, so there is no need to label yourself as anything just yet, you should hust take time to see who and what you like, things may change over time you may lean further towards one gender than the other or you may find that you still like both genders, which would mean you were bisexual, but right now i wouldnt let it bother you, just enjoy been young and exploring who and what you like.
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