A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years. We had alot of problems in the middle of our relationship and it caused major distrust. We have been working on rebuilding the relationship for about a year. Trouble is, I still cannot commit to marriage to him and he wants to get married. I still don't trust him enough to marry him. The issues were alot of long term lying and cheating. I want to see if this change is permanent or just temporary. He told me at one point we either get married or break up because he isn't going to date forever. I told him then we break up. He then retracted and said he would wait. I know trust takes time to rebuild, and it has to some degree because he is doing what it takes to help me trust him. On one hand I don't want to throw away a 5 year relationship that could be great if the trust issues weren't there, but then again I don't want to waste another 5 trying to regain trust that is impossible to obtain. Anyone ever been in this situation or have any advice? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): how sad, i am going through the same phase, and i find out that he is still cheating, he even infected with with an STI, and still denies it and said he had flu, i feel your pain, i am still 25 and i cant pull up with this anymore,he has paid lobola, and the whole village knows about us, even moving on is a mission, i wish i could run away or relocate, i know that i cant trust him, or even get married to him, i cant believe i am still with him. i think i have lost my mind, is this love, or stupidity?
A
female
reader, Amdz +, writes (18 March 2011):
 I hate to say it, but my gut response based on what you've stated is to suggest that you move on..."long term lying and cheating" is not something to be taken lightly, and I'm afraid that there is a strong possibility that you will always have those memories in the back of your mind, and you will always doubt his character and integrity. A relationship without trust, is really a nightmare of a relationship. You are young....and I would encourage you to find someone who could never even imagined cheating and/or lying to you! There are people like that! People who when faced with a temptation, b/c we are all human, will come to their partner straight up and prevent the temptation from escalating or from going anywhere. It's clearly up to you to decided what you could handle. I just know that I would personally not be able to tolerate what you seemingly have put up with....Best!
...............................
A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (17 March 2011):
 Don't look at the relationship for what it 'could be' but for what it is. Make a decision accordingly. Don't waste your time, you're in your 30's.
...............................
|
