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female
,
anonymous
writes: How do I know if a guy isn't going to use me? I'm a virgin (18) and I'll save you the whole male/daddy issues I've got, but practially I've been in several relationships where the guy has had to break up or I've broken up becuase I just can't trust them and the men can't seem to be able to do anything about my insecurities and they feel like they aren't really in a relationship with me.I want to trust a guy i really do I just feel because of the men i have been raised around i will never trust a guy and i don't want to loose my virginity to someone i don't trust.I'm confused and i don't like to talk about my problems with counsellers, friends or anybody so the net is probably the best place for me. Can anyone help me get past my issues and help me let a guy "in" emotionally and physically.
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female
reader, pica +, writes (13 October 2006):
I agree that a counsellor could be a good idea. I don't think the net is a good place for strong stuff .. counsellors at least should be trained and experienced, unlike the general net population ;) Good luck.
A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (12 October 2006):
 You've had some good advcie here. i just want to add: please don't discount going to a counsellor as it sounds like a deep rooted problem. It's highly confidential and no-one else need know you're seeing anyone. They remain totally impartial so it could be a great option for you.
I also want to answer the question directly. You can't know if someone is ever going to hurt you, but better to love and experience love than to pass it by for fear of getting hurt. Don't judge every man by the standards of someone who hurt you. Give people the benefit of their individuality and allow them a chance. The hurt may make you stronger but it may never happen, or may be a one off, non intentional hurt. Or may be decades before anything happens. You may hurt someone. It would be a rare thing to get hrough life with out anyone letting you down. If you get hurt, that's part of life too, so don't try and avoid it. That's like never leaving the house in case you get knocked down by a car.
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A
female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (12 October 2006):
 I'm like you I don't like talking to people about my problems either so it's great that we've got the internet and I myself have felt exactly how you feel so I know where you're coming from. Anyway my advise to you would be to try and let go of your insecurities and free your mind. Try not to restrict yourself. If you really want to trust a guy then go for it, don't let the fear of being hurt hold you back from being happy in your relationships. Let go of the fear. Try and push your insecutirites to the back of your mind don't dwell on "what if he hurts me?" Cross that bridge IF and when you come to it you'll save yourself the stress. Focus on what's going right. You seem to have put a wall up around your heart trying to protect yourself from being hurt and not lettng anyone in, but all you end up doing is breaking up with guys who probably wouldn't dream of hurting you. Remind yourself that you are a great person and you are of high value and any man who is with you is lucky therefore he wouldn't be foolish enough to cause you to loose trust in him. Not all guys are the same, not all of them are users. Don't let bad experiences stop you from persuing what you really want. You just haven't met the right guy yet. Soon enough the right guy will come along and you won't have to worry about him using you. Or maybe he's been there all along but you've just been too scared to let him in? I hope I have helped. :)
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (12 October 2006):
 Maybe you need to be a friend before you can be a lover. As a friend, you can build trust and you'll be able to communicate better. If the relationship grows to something more, than you can cross the sexual bridge when you get there. . . . but there's no rush to get there.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2006): forget the insecurities and take a chance you may get burned but time heals all wounds have confidence and trust don't be concerned or keep thinking about how you can trust them be like nike and just do it, afterall it sounds like the guys yu have been dating are good blokes who want to treat you right and be a big part of your life, don't shiut them out.
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