A
female
 ,
*talie
writes:Hi. I'm just interested to find out if my experiences are typical of relationships nowadays or if i've just been unlucky.I was married at 20 and had only ever had one boyfriend before so I've never done the dating thing. I am recently divorced and a few months ago started seeing someone. Things just fizzled out. He didnt text as much as before and I just let things die away - wasnt too bothered to be honest but then I met a really nice guy a couple of weeks ago and again started texting but it's fizzling out again and I'm not sure what to do. We've only met up twice but he said all the right things to me (how attracted he is to me, how we'd make a good couple etc)and seems really interested but the texts and emails are dying away. We dont work together or live near each other so if we dont text/email then there's no chance of meeting up. If these two men are not interested in me then fine but why wouldnt they just say. I wouldnt mind getting dumped if they actually told me!! Is this what happens nowadays, do men just not get in touch/ignore emails or am I expecting too much by looking for a text/email every few days?Your experiences would be appreciatedxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2006): I am recently 21 and have only ever has two boyfriends, both of which have been long term. My most recent relationship I was in for two and a half years. We had lived together for 2 years and he recently decided that he wanted to go back and live with his parents. Before this happened he was affectionate and seemed to be happy with me. We split up for a while but got back together wa couple of months ago. Everything was great for a while but over the past few weeks he has become very uninterested and has shown me no attection. I had to bully him into telling me that he no longer loved me and had felt this way for a while. I asked why he had not let me know sooner and had just strung me along and all he had to say was that he didn't knoe how to tell me. I am now left feeling like I have wasted two years of my life on a man that really couldn't care less. I thought that he would at least have had the decency to let me know how he was feeling. The worst part is I feel as though I have lost my best friend as well as my partner in one go.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2006): I think there is some specualtion about when a man actually feels that there is something wrong with the relationship and realize that it really isn't working. Most men come to this conclusion only after the woman in his life has had to point it out. Im not sure if it's a simple case of women having idealistic romantic views of how a relationship should be or whether men are just simply happy with less than what a woman would pass as a good, healthy relationship...hmmmmmm food for thought...so my answer, yes they probably let it fizzle but it's more of a subconcious thing i think, they're happy with the basics and it gets to the point where we say...enough is enough.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2006): You say the first man you were not that bothered about. Maybe he picked up on it, did you make any effort to get in touch with him when things were going quiet? If not then it takes two to tango. As for the second bloke its long distance, thats a particualr situation that a. you'll not always be in and b. some people find difficult to deal with. If you wernt bothered by the first and the distance may make things with the second difficult then I dont see that you need be worried. Besides its only two men. There are a lot more lol! So try not to let it get to you as there are plenty more blokes out there, each one different in many ways.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2006): Its not normal no. Normal is really just a point of veiw and not a reality most of the time anyway. I finished direct with my girlfriend this year as things were so bad we were both not just unhappy but damn miserable all the time. A girl I fancied stood me up so I told her I was no longer interested in her. There are plenty of men like me out there. Dont fall into the trap of generalising all or most men went you dont know all or most of them, that's impossible.
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A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (12 October 2006):
 No...it is normal. Lots of guys are chickens and they don't have the cahonies to say..."thanks for a nice time but I don't feel much of a spark." Because quite frankly...its kind of nice to have some girl testing them that they can roll their eyes about in front of their friends.
And If they have slept with you...and you start calling everyday..they run for the hills. I don't understand why women think men are such a mystery. They do the same thing over and over and girls make the same mistakes over and over.
Now in your case...YOU don't have the experience to be aware of the don'ts and such.
First of all. You need to work on how wonderful YOU are. You need to be Happy and Cheerful...so find what makes you that way and do a lot of it. These are things that draw men...and I bet they are not what you think. Smiling right at them and glancing back. (it says hey your so attractive I can't take my eyes off you) But they must approach you unless they are in a group...then you can...but only for a moment or two. Cheerfulness...people always are drawn to someone having fun...smiling, laughing, being kind and someone who exudes happiness.
Busy...are you bored...then you must be boring...if your busy you must be very exciting and in demand...that makes your value rise.
Think about just these things...two guys at a party are both really pretty. which one to you want the most...the one who is laughing and involved and seems like lots of fun...or the one sulking and staring out the window in the corner refusing to speak to anyone and looking all uncomfortable.
You will of course be drawn to the laughing out going guy. So are men.
Learn a few jokes(not tooo off color)...memorise them. that way you always have Something to say. But mostly...ask questions and then close your mouth and listen. Be observant...people tell you a lot by what they wear and it often gives you an opening to say something besides..."hey baby whats your sign"
Don't hang around long...be a social butterfly. If they are intrigued by you...boys will follow you..no exceptions. If they don't...so what...the room has four other sides.
Now the next mistake is the only going to try to date one boy at a time thing. I do NOT understand that...i used to have a stack of dates on the weekends...and you always had to call in advance. No exceptions. well...once a boy called with Hank Jr tickets he'd bought from a scalper...I went. But otherwise...that...hey I am doing nothing...and thought I'd have a go at you crap...forget it. That says to me...I am bored and could not find anything on TV and none of my other friends will see me...so as a last resort I called you. my response is...."Oh I am so happy to hear from you...its so thoughtful of you to call me...but I already have plans...so sorry....But DO call me again and give me a bit of notice and I would adore seeing you. Bye now." with those simple statements...you have set your standards. Believe me Princess is much better than Slut on the side when there's nothing else to do.
DO NOT call boys...ever. The only time you are allowed to call a boy is when you are puking and must cancel your date. Other than that...you may only respond to His call you have missed...and not every one of them. When you call...don't keep him on the line for 3 hours...do the words always leave them wanting more mean anything to you? 10 minutes...15 if he has something REALLY exciting...yes i am serous...set a timer if you have to. Girls...guys HATE talking on the phone..and those of you who cling and won't hang up...put boys in escape mode rather than chase..conquer and WIN mode.
Now lonely girl...goes to a party...imitates a conversation with some guy...gives him her phone number then rushes home to wait for that call...or worse...sleeps with him...hoping to win his heart through his penis then sits home expecting a call...meanwhile...the guy is not interested but wants to be polite so when SHE calls he talks..(after all he got some...might want to get some again).and maybe he calls back when he's really bored. And in Her mind...they have a relationship....In his...well...she's someone to ask about this other girl he's chasing and wants to win...because so far...he has not even come close to catching her. Does this make him a bad guy...no. It means one more girl does not get it. Men must be warriors...they must conquer...they must win the damsel...and damsels who try to win them make their boyfriends the Princess and then wonder why its not what they wanted. Guys...girls want gestures...kindness and above all to be treated like the most lovely girl in the world...they want to be won by the handsome knight. Not a roll in the hay with the fool. That's why Bond James Bond has such appeal...he might be boinking 4 women...but he makes each one of them feel like his only girl.
So what is the point of my long winded explanation to you?
If you chase your prey...they will run. Dangle a carrot and choose from the pool of varmints who follow you. If they are not interested enough to cross a room, make a few calls or win your interest....you chasing them will not either...nor will your sleeping with them. Now If you see something So dang hot you need a little bit of that...Plan on a one night stand and seduce them....But don't fall in love or think they are going to be falling all over themselves to win your glory after stumbling into it so easily....heheehe...I love metaphors. I hope this helps you get started again in the big complex world of Dating. Now you have a map...
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