A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been having an emotional affair with a married man. I have fallen in love with him. I have been in an unhappy marriage for the past few years and I have finally told my husband the truth about the way I am feeling. I am prepared to leave my marriage. It is my hope that I can be with the other man but if I cannot, I am ready to be by myself with my child. What I am having a hard time with is finding out if the other man is prepared to do the same for me. I don't want to come out and ask him or pressure him. I want it to be his own decision. How can I find out if he is as serious about me as I am about him? I know he has deep feelings for me, too. But we have never admitted our feelings to each other or acted on them in any physical way. It has come to a point where we either move forward and leave our marriages to be together or have to put an end to it. Because to keep going this way is very damaging to everyone involved. The problem is how do I get to that point because we have never admitted our feelings even though we both know they are there.
View related questions:
affair, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): You want this married man to leave his wife and kids for YOU? Hun, this is not going to happen!Did u tell your hb you are in love with the MM? How did he react/respond? Or did you lie and only tell your hb u are unhappy but did not mention the 'other man' in your conversation? Big difference in a conversation. I am glad you have made up your mind to leave. In this way bec you have moved on already, it allows your hb to also move on and find that happiness which has eluded you both. When you say you are unhappy, what exactly are you unhappy about? Plse give me examples.You are throwing away your 70% plus for almost 'nothing'. Nothing, bec the other man is still with his wife and will almost certainly not leave her. You see cheaters rarely prosper, they almost never have that happy ever after with the one they cheated with. This is a reality. Just read the stories here on DC for this proof.If you are soooo unhappy then yes you divorce your hb but please do not expect this married man to destroy his loved ones for you.LoveGirl
A
female
reader, IAMDONE  +, writes (16 May 2011):
I am trying hard to understand what is going on here. I am going to try my best to answer or give my advice as I see things going on with you. First of all, you took the first step by telling your husband you are unhappy. You immediately said you were ready to leave the marriage. I never read that you wanted your husband to help make your marriage work. As far as I am concerned, I would hope that you would try to work things out with him first. And perhaps, the marriage has failed beyond fixing. You are in love with a married man and you don't know if he is on love with you. I understand that part but it gets a little more complicated as we move along now. You want him to leave his wife because you are leaving your husband? Well I have a problem understanding that. I feel pretty certain that he is not going to leave his wife and if you talk to him and ask him to do so he may have to let you know then his intentions and he may even be concerned as to how stable you are to ask him that since he has never told you that he loves you and wants you to leave your husband. In fact, he may be concerned that you will try to break up his marriage. I think it is time for the 2 of you to talk so you know where you stand with him. Most men do not leave their wife for another woman. Think closely as you make a move in either direction. In the future if you leave your husband stay away from married men. They have nothing to offer worthwhile to a single woman.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 I don't know you or this man or your situation. What I do know, from your post only, is that you're putting life decisions on the line based on only a feeling you have.
You say that you know that he has deep feelings for you but then you say that neither of you have admitted anything to each other. So how do you know how he feels? Is it possible you're blowing it all out of proportion and because of your own unhappy marriage you have started to believe that this man feels a lot for you?
I think you'd be better off re-evaluating your own marriage first. If you really have given it your all and you don't see a future with your husband, take care of that first. Be on your own for some time.
It is possible that you're grabbing onto this other man because of the lack of fulfillment and happiness in your marriage. Maybe this man is just your crutch at the moment.
What's his situation? Perhaps he has a happy marriage? Not many people leave their spouses to go off chasing something new.
...............................
A
female
reader, cupidus +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Being prepared to leave your marriage because the marriage is not working between the two of you if reasonable.
But leaving a marriage in hopes that another man will get a divorce to be with you is not a good reason to leave a marriage. He may never leave his marriage. Asking him is fine, in fact will probably give you some clarity on his feelings for you.
...............................
|
