A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I broke up with my ex-boyfriend a year ago. He was really a kind of insecure guy and very nervous to me.A year later he suddenely contact me and started to talking to me. He may have heard some sad news of my family.At this time he told me he has a chinese girlfirend to live with, so I said I don't want to keep on contacting him. Although he said she knew he contacts me and beged to keep on contacting me as a friend. I said OK since I didn't want to argue with him anymore.I don't feel any feeling with him. He is very heavy and depending to me. I am not so desparete to replay and feel rather frustration to keep on contacting. so I ignore sevral times. He wrote me like "I will think about you before going to sleep" or some stupid stuffs.Now before his chinese girlfriend visa will be expired...and have to tink about commitment.Suddenely his gifriend get my email address through him and started to contact me.She is very aggressive and misunderstand I want to get back together with him since he explained her like this way. But she keep on repeating "You know my feeling if you are a woman!" She asked him to write me (She knows my email address and any contact details through him) "I know you love me still, but there is no place for you in my heart anymore. I am happy to live with my chinese giflreind (Her name). We are going to move together. please do not bother my life anymore. deal with whatever your fate brings for you."..I was very shocked and I must say I am in bit fear.I really don't understand what happened now and how shuold I deal.Being honest what I am not happy most is he gave my email address etc to his chinese girlfriend. I am afraid of further trobles. Of course I am not happy he put himself into the victim's position and try to let us fight.Can you suggest any good idea and if you don't mind can you explain me what happened to them?I think if they are happy they don't need to bother such a thing and I really don't understand why his friend told her now about me...a year past already!!!
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broke up, get back together, insecure, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjmc930:) Thanks.
"vanish" is somehow very scared. But I am not sure this is because the language issue or she was too excited.
Calling office is offensive. since I never gave my email address to my ex-boyfriend neither my family or frineds.
I started to think my ex-boyfriend is mentaly sick, no courtesy and lost knwledge about privacy...
The biggest mystery is WHY his colleague had to tell her he keeps on touch with me before her visa is expired and need his "commitment" to stay with him....
(I felt...she just want to have an resident visa and don't want to come back to China..)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): You are right. Their behavior does not make sense.
Telling you to vanish sounds threatening to me. She also has sent you lots of emails, calling you and now is calling your work. This is not OK.
Call the police and file a harassment charge against her and your ex. You are exhausted from having to deal with them, and you don't know why they are doing this. That sounds like a good enough reason to get the police involved.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjmc930
a few days ago, my colleague told me. she got a strange telephone call to confirm I am working this office or not.
The number shows my ex-boyfriend company...
I really do not understand if they are happy why do they need to attack me so massively?? that's I really want to know.
Giving my contact detail without my permission is enough offensive. Really my ex is a dog. Chinese dog! He thinks "she is very open minded, emotionally oepn. and act like European"....and keep on liening to everybody.
I am not so sure now I am over sensitive....
Many people told me (despite it sounds bit prejuduice) chinese girls have different moral. I partly agree.
She is using threatning word like "if you do not "vanish" yourself, I don't feel secure" (Vanish!? what does she mean for!? ) How she speaks are too scary for me.
I feel hesitate to call police still since there is no physical threaten yet. But..mentally I am tired. I keep on ignoring. But calling office is really too much. What is she worried for?? We broke up a year ago!!! and never met each other...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): I think you should definitely report them to the police if you think she is threatening your life. They are both taking this too far.
Do it as soon as possible and have all the evidence (emails, phone call log) to show the police.
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A
female
reader, Kana_Na  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 Yes I am not English. For privacy issue I just put different country.
Sorry and I am terribly upset now
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 Just curious, is English a second language for you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondear serenity80
When she said I should "Vanish" from this world..I couldn't guess this is the language problem or threatning to my life. She was shouting "Listen to me, listen to me"
What I could get now is, my ex is lied to everybody.
As if I am sticking on him to get back together and keep contacting from my side.
Also he told his colleague who knows both(him and his girlfriend) of them. I have no idea why but this colleague told her my ex is contacting me.
Have no idea why this colleague needed to do... I have never met him in my life.
I could sence he has some aim behind this stupid drama.
He told me her visa is going to expired and have to "final confirmation" and my excistence is bothering them..for what?
She told me "My life is bothering them and wish to delete from this world"...these words are not usual.
Also she was the one to ask to get my contact and write emails.
He is now look like a dog of her. I guess if she asks him to kill me, he would try to find a reason "why he has to do"
Maybe to just report to police can be a nice idea to feel secure.
It is just an emotional issue...but I really feel bad my ex set me as a target to attack. Also I feel very bad how did she get my contact detail. Wondering her country in China, people do not respect the privacy?
Usually, giving someone's privacy detail without permission is totall against moral. I believe.
So I still suspect she has also some plan with my contact detail....
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (17 May 2011):
If you feel genuingly worried for your life then keep the emails and contact the police BUT I would say.. the BEST way to deal with this is to just completely ignore them and never reply to anything they send you, no emails, calls, texts, nothing.
Sometimes saying absoletely nothing to someone is the best way to say go away. If you are not responding in any way, she will eventually get bored and move on. She might even think her attempts to contact you aren't getting through.. Stick with it, and things will improve.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionserenity80 thanks.
I really feel bad, he gave her my information without my permission. She is from china. I don't know the culture so much. But what I could guess from her is really aggressive people.
I am shocked this is what she asked to get...
Don't know why she needs to get my email address and what for....this is what only I am worried.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionserenity80, thanks
I feel fear since she said something really threatning my life.
Now she knows my name, email address, where to work, and who am I....
it is really bothering.and fear
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (16 May 2011):
Yes do nothing. Your ex's insecure girlfriend is not your problem, it's his problem. If you don't want emails from her or him email both of them and tell them to stop involving you in their issues. Tell them you've moved on, and so should they.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): The solution here is very simple. What you should do now is absolutely nothing. There is nothing to do.
You continued a dialogue with your ex when you didn't want to just to avoid a fight, but there didn't need to be a fight. You could simply have ignored it and blocked him. He can't give you grief if he can't reach you.
As to why he contacted you a year later when he already had another girlfriend...who cares? How does his state of mind or the state of his current relationship affect your life? Let him do his own naval gazing.
Block his and his girlfriend's email address. Change your number if they have it or don't answer the phone. They'll give up eventually. She knows what he was up to and if she chooses not to face it that is her problem. If telling themselves you were the bad guy gets both of them off your back, what do you really care? Be glad they're gone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all.
Yes I am sure he gave my email address to his chinese girlfriend. Since he wrote me an email to put her address CC.
She told me later this is what she asked me. For what? I really don't understand.
She told me his colleague toled her my ex is still keep on talkin with me time to time. She said to me "your life should be vanised" ....vanished...
They look really crazy. I cannot see any whole picture why I have to be involved.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes I am very sure since he told me on the phone he gave it to her. and he wrote me with cc her email address too.
I am really uncomfortable what he did...
thanks seems they have some issues to slove...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): Ignore them. Block their email addresses. If they keep contacting you, that's not OK. This problem mostly sounds like something the two of them have created and has little to do with you.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Are you certain HE gave her your information?
She may have gone behind his back and found your email address and phone number. She may have just told you she is contacting you through him. I'd be a bit uncomfortable with her approaching you. Change you phone number and email address and do not speak to them again.
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