A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i really need some help, so can someone out there give me some advice. i really don't know who to turn to or what to do... (sorry this is so long)it all started over Christmas, i talked to my girlfriend everyday (we go to school together but live in different states so we were at home for Christmas), but one day i couldn't contact her for the entire day. i was worried something had happened to her and when she finally called the next day, i had an anxious voice and asked "where have you been?!" she immediately responded "i wasn't with another guy." well, that made me suspicious, but she still said she loved me, so i believed her. then a few days later i came to visit her and i get out of the car after an 8hr drive and she gives me a hug that feels like she doesn't want me there and isn't happy to see me. that made me really upset as well as suspicious. well... while i was there for the few days i accidentally logged onto her myspace. i then proceeded to read her messages (which i know i shouldn't have done, it was horrible of me and i regret it so so much!) well she had been talking to her ex and it turns out she went to go see him the day i didn't talk to her. i didn't talk to her about it because i felt guilty for reading her messages and i didn't know how to bring the topic up. well we went seeing each other but because of the messages i read i have always been suspicious and wondered what shes doing. i recently told her all about what happened over Christmas and my reading her messages and she was furious with me and says that she can't trust me anymore. i realize what i did was horrible and not very trustworthy, and I've apologized many times. now her ex is visiting her for the weekend, she says its just a friendly thing and their just going to talk and hang out. but shes really mad at me and i don't know if she loves me anymore, so i don't know what their going to be doing.The other night it just clicked in my mind that I'm a hypocrite. i talk to my ex quite a bit, but i don't love her and i don't want to be with her. and yes, if i had the chance i would go and see her. not because i love her or want to be with her, but because at one time she was a huge part of my life and she really knows me and is a great friend to just talk to when I'm upset. and yes i may think back on how much fun we had back when we were together and i would probably feel guilty and act a little different towards my current girlfriend (that would explain the hug when i came to see her). so why should it be any different with her and her ex?i guess the main thing i really need help on, is how do i tell if she does still love me and how can i gain back her trust from what i did by reading her messages?
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female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT  +, writes (25 February 2007):
 First of all a relationship is built on trust you obviously didn't trust her otherwise you would not have logged into the computer, and yes, you found out she had been in contact with an ex, then it played on your mind, then you felt guilty for looking in the first place.....She obviously is not trust worthy because if she had nothing to hide she would have told you she had met with an ex, or did she keep that from you because she felt you may get jealous? I don't know because I don't know you or her... If your both like this now then I would suggest there is no trust on both sides so are you really right for one another?
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (25 February 2007):
 If you ever were to go and see your ex again would you tell your girlfriend beforehand... and if you knew your girlfriend was upset at this would you invite her BACK to hang out with you another weekend???
You are riddled with guilt here because you want to know how you can get your girlfriend to trust you again but think of it this way... do you trust her? If she loved you or cared about you the way you care about her then she would be sensitive to your feelings. She knows you were upset at the thought of her and her ex keeping in touch and meeting again, yet she asks him BACK to hang out???
Remember she blatantly lied to you! You asked her where she'd been and she immediately said "I wasn't with another guy" so she's certainly not to be trusted either. And think about this too, if there WAS nothing going on and it was all above board, why couldn't she tell you about it? Another point... if there was nothing going on then why would you say "i get out of the car after an 8hr drive and she gives me a hug that feels like she doesn't want me there and isn't happy to see me." Is it all falling into place now?
You are not a hypocrite, okay so you talk to your ex on myspace but you haven't met up with her and you wouldn't lie to cover up that you had... unless there was something to cover up and feel guilty about?
All the facts show (in my opinion) that there's more to this "platonic" friendship with her ex than she's letting on. She's being very selfish meeting up with her ex again and she's not really bothered what you think about it.
Think long and hard about this before you start apologising for the hundredth time. If I were you I'd call it a day with her and find someone closer to home that will be loyal and love you the way you deserve.
Eve
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