A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just to clarify first of all, I don't think there's a problem with being geeky at all. When I started college, I was the sort of girl who played video games regularly, read loads of fantasy and sci-fi novels, listened to alternative rock and whatnot (though I realise that isn't necessarily geeky) and dressed in a very casual, laid-back wayy. As a consequence most the friends I have from first year are really intellectual (not so much regarding their degrees but they're into that kind of stuff too).It's now my third year, however, and I feel really lonely and left out by my old friends for some reason. I've made new ones, obviously, but we aren't as close as we haven't known each other for as long. I've changed as a person, and I feel like my "geekier" friends despise me because of it.I haven't become meaner or more selfish, I've always been really nice to all my friends and always will, but I've become more assertive as I was really shy in first year and everyone seemed to assume I would be like that forever. I've made decisions that go against what most of them agree with, and that really seems to have annoyed them. For example, one of my friends from the chess society wanted me to go out with another of my friends whom he'd known since he was about three. I said no because I didn't find him that physically attractive, although he's a nice person, and he started spreading the word I was stuck-up and and had bad taste in guys (I told him I fancied the captain of the rugby club which he said was shallow).I'm also quite health-conscious and was picked for the netball team, a group of people who are quite well-known around campus and were described by my geekier friends as a "bunch of pretentious posers." I got a gilet as I was elected captain and was made fun of by my old friends when I wore it. I wasn't trying to exactly flash it in their face but it was like they really resented me. I told them I couldn't drink so much on nights out due to my sporting commitments and they made fun of me for ages. If I make one mention of "girly" things to my geeky friends (even the female ones) like "I got my hair done last week" they roll their eyes or something. I like wearing stuff like Abercrombie and Fitch and so on (but don't flaunt it) which they make me feel bad about, even though I earned it by part time work every holiday(I don't have rich parents).They keep leaving me out of things too. There are a couple of people who have only been here for a year, but my old friends will hug them in front of me and say "You're my favourite," write on their FB walls, and text them the way they never do for me. One of my old friends had a birthday night out last week and apparently I wasn't invited though literally everyone else was and I've always been really nice to him.I like these guys and want to stay friends with them, but how do I get them to accept the new me? It's like they only want to be friends with the quiet shy girl who played video games, but that's just not me any more.
View related questions:
shy, text, video games Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (14 May 2013):
 As we get older our interests change, our activities change and we evolve as a person and sometimes the friends that we have before these changes also have to change too.
I understand that you want to remain friends with these guys, but it doesn't seem like they are very interested in being friends with the new you. Perhaps it is time to find some new friends who can grow with you and who will accept you for the multidimensional person you are.
Your friends seem to be playing the immature game of excluding you from things. I would take that as a hint. Sometimes its just better to let go.
If you are really want to remain friends with them, then try to sit down and talk with them. Say that you're still their friend, but that you have grown to like new things and they can accept that and remain your friend or don't accept it and you'll move on.
I really hope this helps you. College is a tough time. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 May 2013):
 They think you are moving on from them and their (immature) way of dealing with it is to exclude you, ignore you, mock you or insult you.
Do you really need to be close with a group of judgmental control freaks, geeks or no? Do they add positive things to your life at this point in time?
Bottom line: do they wish you well or not? If not, go ahead and let the friendships wither. If they do wish you well, or one or two do, keep those friends.
You may try a bold approach: when something they say hurts your feelings or makes you feel bad, TELL THEM. Be calm and not nasty about it, but tell them when they offend you. They may think they are joking around and not realize that you are taking it all very personally.
But back to the main question: do they wish you well? Yes or no? That will determine what you do next.
...............................
A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (13 May 2013):
 Unfortunately we do tend to outgrow certain people as we get older and find our feet and personality but it doesn't have to be a bad thing.
I know it might seem hard to put these friends behind but why should you have to be the one doing all the chasing for these people to figure out how to hold on? Well, you shouldn't!
If they are true friends they will accept you for who you are and if they're mean or distancing themselves then perhaps they are really not the sort of people you want or need to be friends with in the long term?
Have you tried to talk to any of them about how they're making you feel!? Perhaps a little honest communication can help before breaking any ties?
I hope that this works out well for you whichever way it needs to go!
...............................
|
