A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should I pay attention to men's patterns? I'm 31 year old woman that has not had any luck in love; I don't usually date a lot so when men approach me and ask me out 9 out of 10 times I say yes( I don't go on dating site because I don't feel comfortable using them) so I rely on just plain luck which hasn't been that great. My ex which is an example I will use to get to my point was a man I was warned not to date but said yes. He was the quick charmer sweet talker - whorld wind romance - and then as soon as stuff gets stressful and you get into the real relationship of caring and being responsible - that's it goodbye. - sadly i was told by my therapist that if I had paid attention to his pattern early on I would have avoided falling into this heartbreak. Early on he told me he had a couple of short relationship one before me for six month and when she asked for more time to spend with him (surprise) like me after $ months she got dumped I followed and now he has someone after me. My question is this - there is this new man that's been coming around my radar. Jim and I used to go to underhand together and every three years he somehow pops up in my life- I've had him on social media for a while now and he seems to be also jumping from relationship to relationship- should I not move foward if he asks me out? We're both 31 and although we have things in common I don't want to go through another heartache; I always give men chances and I'm always the one to get hurt; my therapist advised that this jumpyness shows instability and that is not something I should give into or risk trying now- please let me know your thought
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female
reader, Opinions Please  +, writes (24 December 2016):
I'd say keep your gaurd UP... eyes OPEN... and play it SLOW... no second chances... of he messes up. Let him go before you get attached.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 November 2016):
 I agree with your therapist here.
IF someone WARNS you about going out with a guy and you ignore it, it's ON you whatever may come. Dating a guy that comes with a "warning label" seems not only risky but unwise.
As far as Jim goes, yes he is a risky potential partner too in more ways than one. If he changes partners every 4-6 months, he has had a LOT of partners and he still doesn't seem able to have a strong serious relationship. If you consider that the first 4-6 months is still the phase where you "get to know" the other person it seems like Jim ends the relationship BEFORE they can REALLY get to know him or gets dumped when they DO get to know him. Sounds like there isn't much substance to him. (as a partner that is) I wouldn't be surprised if Jim will hit 40 and STILL have this pattern.
I think you end up with crappy matches because you aren't picky and you don't know you own standard. You settle for men who approaches you.
A woman at 31 has WAY higher "drive" to settle down than a man. Which can make her more "desperate" and less...selective? picky?
I have to ask WHY do you doubt your therapist?
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