A
female
age
26-29,
*lley96
writes:As of lately things between my mother and i have grown increasingly more strained. It has gotten to a point where we had a very big agrument and she refused to see what i was telling her. I was telling her that her opiate abuse had taken a heavy toll on my siblings and i, not just her. Yet she refuses to see past her own feelings and wants. That argument was the reason why my boyfriend didnt move in; my mother likes to offer people help and then throw it in their face and hold it against them. And find ways she can use people to her advantage. She used to be kind and sweet, but when she started pills her true self came out and it was magnified 100X. Now onto the main reason i have posted this question, i have recently visited my boyfriend because it had been awhile since we had seen each other ( he currently lives on the other side of the state) and he brought up working harvest and then taking the money and moving back over where i live and we would get a place together. We both think we will be happier together and i would be able to distance myself away from my mother. However i'm not sure on how to tell my sister and mother, both are quite opinionated and no i'm not mistaking it for them being caring. I do have an autistic younger sibling and we would make room for him for when he comes over. My boyfriend and i have been together close to a year and we have been through hell and back. We both understand living together will be completely different from one of us spending the night but we both feel and think this will be good for both of us.
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female
reader, alley96 +, writes (7 July 2015):
alley96 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate everyone insight on the situation. We have talked about the splitting of the bills, chores and we'll both put in a hundred for groceries. We have thought this through and with the money I'll be getting from my job and school money and the money from his job which will be several thousand we will be set for when he comes over to my side of the state.
I do think having everything info read to go before telling them would be ideal. I just don't want my sister and mother thinking I'm choosing him over the family. Everyone has to start somewhere and I know they're going to tell me it's going to be hard, it's self evident. whether it's going to blow up in my face or not only time can tell.
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (7 July 2015):
I'm not sure exactly HOW you should tell them - just tell them calmly. And be prepared for the onslaught....
But don't tell them anything until you've made concrete plans and are ready to put these plans into action. Don't tell them in the heat of an argument or anything.
Realistically, it'll take at least a few months before you can put any plan into action so keep quiet until you're actually ready to move (e.g. money saved, lease signed etc etc) That way your family can't try to sabotage your plans or guilt trip you into changing them. Make sure that you and you boyfriend have budgeted for absolutely everything (rent, utility bills, transport, insurance, health costs) Then your family can't use lack of finances or naivety as a reason for you not to leave.
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A
female
reader, alley96 +, writes (7 July 2015):
alley96 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I do have a job and I completely understand that I don't want to burn any bridges with my family. However it is still my decision and yes it has only been close to a year for the both of us, but we feel that we are ready. I understand not everything is butterflies and rainbows, what will go wrong can go wrong.
I'd have to say that we know each other pretty well even though it's only been a year, but of course he's going to notice things that I do and vice versa. We have talked extensively about how to go about this and if we are ready or not.
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A
female
reader, Kendle +, writes (7 July 2015):
 Perhaps your boyfriend could be there with you when you tell them to support you? I think maybe telling them individually might also help you as then you don't have to deal with them both at the same time. However, if you think the one you tell first will go straight to tell the other before you have chance to then maybe this wouldn't work. In any case, pack your stuff up as much as you can first, then tell them, then go. At least then, if they do get very angry, you don't have to hang around and can give them a few days to cool off before trying to speak with them. Try and think about the things that they might say against you moving in with your boyfriend before you approach them so that you can be prepared with a response when the time comes. When you tell them, I wouldn't put the blame on your mum as the reason you want to love out, instead just phrase it more like 'I really love my boyfriend and we want to try this and see if it works for us'. You don't want to burn any bridges in case it doesn't work out with you living together, you want to make sure you can always go home if you need to (you haven't actually been together very long so might find out a lot of new things about him when you live together). Hopefully they will be supportive of your decision. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2015): Do you have a job? If you have a job and can afford it then you just say you are ready to take the next step with your bf so you're moving in.
Don't break any bridges with your family because if it doesn't work out with your family you'll come crawling back to your family for help.
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