A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend is really traumatized and upset about her cat after 7 years that she had him, its a himalayan cat so beautiful such a gentle and sweet soul. I actually hate cats but this cat was really special it just liked to play and be cuddled at night. The cat got a disease (the c word) and tried to fight it but after an operation and a few other visits to the hospital the disease really took a hold of his body and he just got weaker and weaker and died yesterday! She is so devastated he was like her baby! can anyone give any tips or advice how to get over this? i feel so bad for her. Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, KeW +, writes (3 July 2019):
 Hi there, OP. It’s lovely of you to want to support your friend through this, as losing a pet can be as devastating as losing a human family member. As with helping someone through any grief, the best thing to do is to ask how you can help them. This may include time alone, distractions, talking about it, etc.
I know that, for me, I’ve cried more over a pet than my paternal grandfather because I spent time with them every day and only saw my grandfather once a year or less. Pets can imprint on our lives the same way a person can, so the grief often needs to be handled in a similar way - though everyone still grieves differently.
It may take a few weeks to get through the initial mourning, so please try not to rush her. Be patient and ask her what you can do to help - she may just need someone to listen. If she stops functioning well for over a week, gently suggest the Blue Cross grieving support :)
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (3 July 2019):
 Forgot to add, the Blue Cross offer a pet bereavement counselling service on line if your friend might find it easier to actually write down what she is feeling rather than talking about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2019): I was once the owner of a blue-point Himalayan cat; raised from a kitten with two Schnauzer puppies (brother and sister from the same litter}.
I grew very fond of the cat; although, I'm not really a cat-lover either! There was a breeder in the neighborhood, and he was such an adorable kitten! He was mischievous, loved rough-housing with the dogs, and always forgot he was a cat.
They are very large cats; so when he tackled the smaller schnauzer, she howled for help! My cat had to be put-down at the ripe old-age of 14, outliving one dog. The female was stolen...a neighboring doctor's wife I believe to be the culprit. They live in a fancy house hidden behind an electric gate; so you couldn't enter their property. My neighbors across the street says she lured my little Heidi from the porch! They couldn't confirm she actually took my dog! That was painful after her brother died of heart-worms three years prior. Tragic stories, I know!
My cat developed kidney-failure, and surgery couldn't save him. The house felt quite empty, and his weird vocal "url-url" was his strange way of asking for food. His other odd cat-call..."br-r-r-own"... meant he was bored, or open the door! Before he has to do it, and the dogs will get out! He could also open doors! He fetched liked the dogs; but took the toy and hid it when he was tired of the game. He wasn't your average feline. He was totally off!
Being beautiful, large, and a magnificent breed, you miss them like a family-member.
Don't fuss too much over your friend; let her have a little privacy and solitude. Send her a lovely card and/or gift basket. Avoid flowers!
Grief is best handled alone at first. You have to be allowed to go through your emotions. Too many well-meaning words can be upsetting; even annoying. She'll be okay.
She's a grown-woman; but if it affects her too much, she should seek professional-counseling. Sometimes we do get carried-away with emotion over pets; but we have to stay of sound-mind. Death is the end of the cycle of life, and it occurs everyday. Our pets rarely live as long as we do; so we have to prepare for these losses. Parrots and turtles might live as long (or longer), but not dogs or cats! Over the span of a life-time, we will lose many family-members, friends, and pets. We live on, and carry the best memories in our hearts.
Pictures and videos should be left alone; until your grief is manageable enough to endure looking at them.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (2 July 2019):
It might help if you think of this as helping your friend get THROUGH her loss, rather than getting OVER it. She has lost a family member. Her loss is no less painful than if she had lost a human member of her family.
The most important thing is to just be there for her. I would suggest just letting her talk and listening. Check up on her. Make her food as she is unlikely to feel like eating but, obviously, needs to for the good of her health. Ask her, "What can I do to help you through this time?" She may want to be left alone, in which case just check she is ok, bring food and back off. She may want to talk, in which case just listen. If she complains about how unfair it is that she lost her much loved pet, just agree. Saying things like "he had such a good life with you" won't help with her grief yet. Tell her how sorry you are that she is hurting so much. Share favourite stories of the recently departed cat. Don't be afraid to cry with her if that is how you feel.
The most accurate description I have ever read about grief is that it comes over you like waves. At the beginning the waves are fierce and incessant and huge. With time they get smaller, more spaced out and not quite as huge. It may take your friend a long time to get over her loss. Everyone is different. Obviously you know never to say anything like "it was just a cat" because it was NOT "just a cat" to HER.
You are a good friend for wanting to help her through this. I am sure you will figure out what she needs most from you at this sad time.
Sending hugs to you both because I know from my own experience how devastating such a loss can be.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (2 July 2019):
 Time. It will take weeks, if not months, just like with a person. Just be there to support her like anyone else grieving. Make sure you don’t make her feel like her grief is over-dramatic or lasting too long.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2019): I have been there.I had two cats die.One was twenty six the other was twenty four.Now my last one is twenty and I just hope she lasts longer.What helped me is some people sent cards...some small kids I knew drew pictures for me and I cried alot.Be there for your friend.Let her cry.I got a framed pic of both cats in my living room.A framed pic of her cat would be good.Bring her something to eat and spend time with her.Try to get her to go out and do something she enjoys.Sometimes I take out the cards and cry.Time has passed but I always will love them and Rember them.In time she will cry less.Just be there.
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