A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend had a son from a previous relationship. We have 2 children together now and one on the way. This ex of his won't let him see his other child, and talks a lot of nonsense about him on social media, whether it's directly or indirectly. I had just let things go out of respect for him. The way I see it, she's his problem and I would only complicate the situation further, so I stay out of it.But lately, without provocation, she started saying things to me via direct messages on my social media. I blocked her. She continues to say things about me indirectly, alluding that I'm the reason he isn't in their son's life. I am a mother. I know the importance of familial relationships and would never keep a parent from their child. I can only imagine what that would feel like. Even when he and I were having issues, I continued to update him on our children's lives. Parent's relationships should not affect the children's lives. I tried to explain that to her but she was only defensive and wanted to argue. It really bothers me that she has begun to attack me. It was one thing when she had said things to him, but now it's personal. I really don't know how to handle the whole situation but it really has irked me. Any advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 January 2018):
 The best thing you can both do is block her social media so you cannot see her posts and she cannot contact you. Believe me all she wants is a reaction from you, if you ignore her it will only annoy her more. As for access if your boyfriend really wanted to be part off his child's life then he should be taking her to court for access.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2018): Thank you for your responses. I know not everything should warrant a reaction and it's easy to get caught in the moment, so I made a dearcupid post instead of a social media rant.WiseowlE, you do bring some good points up. There are 2 sides to every story and he definitely isn't without fault. My feeling is at some point, you have to let things go, for your own well-being and for this little person that has a whole life ahead of them. I know the hurt he's caused, but I also know the healing forgiveness brings. By no means do I want to undermine her feelings. I wish she wouldn't project that ugly onto me. I do stay out of it. I tell him if he ever wants to talk, I'm all ears. But he does keep things inside and I know it hurts him as well. I can really only be responsible for my family, my kids. It really all comes down to him taking responsibility in establishing a relationship with his son. It would be helpful if she would just keep her emotions out of it. At the end of the day, we created new life and we have to nurture that new life. Sure, we have lives of our own, but as parents, our #1 concern should be the kids.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2018): Being as young as you are, it's almost a natural-reflex to duke it out with people who talk about you. Unless things published identify you and cross legal boundaries into liable and slander; the adult thing to do is to ignore her. Her objective is to turn his world upside down and inside-out; to include everything and everyone in it.
As for alluding, indirect-slights, and implications about you...sticks and stones! Take the high road.
Don't presume that everything she posts on social media matters to anyone. Not as much as it matters to her.
He can always take legal-steps to gain shared-custody and increase the regularity of access and her compliance with scheduled-visitation with his son. There are only problems when you don't exercise your paternal-rights through the legal-system. You'll get drama and mayhem from a "vexed-ex."
I hope he's paying his child-support on time. Odd that wasn't specified in your post to add to his credibility. It's the first thing that came to my mind! What could she say bad about him otherwise? If he's a good father and provider; everyone who knows him would know that. They would dismiss her rants as sour grapes.
He could minimize the drama if he would just man-up and take her to court. They had better settle their issues, before it affects the child.
There are always two-sides to every story. She doesn't get to tell hers here. Except on social media. It's all venting her frustrations. People all see it for what it is.
We can say a lot of horrid things about her; but the bitterness is coming from pain. Your boyfriend is making babies all over the place; and not committing to the mothers of his children to secure a bonded family-unit; or committing to marriage before spreading his seed. Leaving his DNA scattered. Who gets his family-surname? She didn't get the bargain you got. She feels brushed aside. He wants you, his kids; but not her. Put yourself in her shoes.
My mother used to say, "have his child first; and delay the alter. He can walk anytime he wants." Thank God, my sisters listened.
When other women are left with his kids, and he starts a whole new brood. To some females, that's a slap in the face. You've got the man; so it doesn't really matter to you.
For now.
So leaving women to fend for themselves with his children; and moving on to the next woman, doesn't always sit well with the one he left behind. You're a woman, and you could be more empathetic.
Hateful, bitter, drama queen, whatever you want to call her; she's hurt. He has moved on like she doesn't matter. Thus there will be drama. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."
Some women don't adjust as well to being dumped and watching her man move on with somebody else. He wants to see his kid, but she feels rejected and abandoned. As if all she was to him was an incubator. I'm not saying she's right in anything she's doing; but a broken-heart makes some people pretty bitter or crazy.
Unless she publicizes something slanderous or personal without your permission; don't give her the satisfaction of a reaction. Wonder what she could say so awful about either of you? That he left her for you? You were both pregnant at the same time? He got her pregnant while with you?
He has to deal with his baby mama drama; because all this is on him.
As long as he shares a child with her; she is part of your extended-family. Don't have anymore kids with him; unless he puts a ring on it. If he was a real man, he'd be willing to give you and his children his last name. If you don't want his last-name in marriage, it should be an option. Full commitment from a man in-marriage tells you how much he wants to keep his family together and to protect them.
Get yourself a lifetime commitment before you expand the family; or you may end-up more sympathetic to her feelings.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (20 January 2018):
 In the words of one of our popular posters "Not my circus, not my monkeys". DO NOT get involved. DO NOT let her goad you into a fight. She is angry, bitter, jealous, ect. and just wants to get something started between the two of you. This is your boyfriend's problem not yours and tbh who CARES what someone says on social media? Mature intelligent people know its just a show and 95% of what people put on there means NOTHING. Block her from contacting YOU. IF she should start threatening you in any way then that's a different story and get the authorities involved but if she's just trying to trash you IGNORE. She's like an irritating fly.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (20 January 2018):
It is not your job to handle the troublesome ex it is your bf’s. Block her on social media and block her phone number if she is calling you.
His seeing his son is his issue. If he needs to get a court order to enforce visitation then he needs to do so. But other than offering emotional support you need to stay out of it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 January 2018):
 My advice BLOCK all her social media, she is TRYING oh so hard to goad you into proving her right.
Don't argue with her, don't try and educate her - just DON'T. It's not your job to teach her how to be a mother or decent person.
It's NOT worth it. Whatever she says on Social Media is NOT the Gospel. My guess is she is posting crap for two reasons, to get at you and him and to garner sympathy from "friends". Regardless, it's social media - who gives a flying fart? I presume the two of you don't share any friends or family so it really doesn't matter. No matter WHAT you do or say to her - SHE is not going to stop or suddenly like you. She doesn't CARE that SHE is the one hurting HER child by not letting you, him and your kids get to know him. Any child having more GOOD people around them is lucky. She rather be hateful than GIVE her child that opportunity. Sad, really.
She is bitter (for whatever reason). And again, NOT your problem.
She is being cunning by only alluding to YOU being the person she writes about. She isn't naming you, she isn't "really" pointing fingers. She is throwing shit in all direction hoping to hit you and get you to retaliate. That way she can then SHOW everyone else that SHE is right and you are to blame for her bitterness and whatnot.
As for your partner not getting to see his kid, well there is the choice to find a lawyer and have a visitation schedule set up. If he pays child-support, he is the man NAMED as the father and thus, HE has rights to his child.
I would suggest that if he goes THAT route, that he has these visitations ALONE (not with you and your kids) HE needs to bond with his child FIRST.
She really CAN NOT keep him away. UNLESS she had some REAL proof that shows why. But it might take a court ordered visitation schedule to be made.
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