| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello aunts and uncles! My question is : how to hande girls flirting with my boyfriend in front of me?See, today I went to a bank with my boyfriend, we are very serious, and he really wants to be married and wants me to meet his parents.He is much more serious than me. So, this teller started to flirt with him , and he answered curtly and called me baby, mentioned "we", and our aprtment, but still she kept pushing. I am a polite girl, so I wass nice to her. My boyfriend was holding my hand, and I was super sweet.I am not an unappealing girl (not a 10, but I'm okay) I'm not insecure... I just did not like that she ignored me like that...wht cna I subtly do?Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2013): I am the poster of the question :)
Thanks everyone for the responses! I will define the "flirting" I was actually the one making a deposit. NOT him, but we were both paying our rent. Flirting as asking where he was from, touchin his shoulders repeated times while talking to us and him holding my hand, just making inappropiate conversation. We even got to know where she lived. We were both paying our rent and I was asking questions as well , but she was dry with me.
I have read of girls holding their men, or doing subtle hints so the other person would understand. I was not upset at all, if anything I was proud of my bf. I am just wondering how should I have acted?
To chigirl: I'm very secure about my looks, and I know I am not a model. I think it is mature to know this, I think I am beautiful, just not the most beautiful woman ever. If you read my question you will see he wants to get married. Not me, he is the serious one , not me. I don't want anymore seriousness on the relationship ;)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): I once went on a double date with my fiance and friends, and the waitress was ALL OVER HIM. Smiling and coming up to the table extra when we did not need anything to try to chit-chat and flirt with him. My friends were appalled, but I laughed it off and when my fiance was unresponsive she gave up. She was a younger girl - she could not even bring us our beers because she was not 21 and had to have another server bring us our booze. Embarrassing!
Do not let it get to you. If you trust your boyfriend and things are good then be comfortable, laugh it off and she will feel foolish!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 January 2013):
 You're not supposed to do anything. You ignore it. If it bothers you so much you should talk to your boyfriend and say you were bothered by it. So maybe next time, he shouldn't respond with anything.
I actually think you are reading too much into it though. No woman I ever heard of would flirt with a man with his girlfriend standing there holding his hand, and him talking about their appartment... Btw, how friendly is he with random strangers, telling them about your appartment? That's private information he doesn't need to share with strangers.
Anyway, my bet is you are insecure because you think you're not a 10. Who puts grades on themselves like that? Who would be so shallow as to put a grade on their own appearance? I can think of no other reason than you being insecure. And insecure as you are, you see competition in every woman because you beleieve you aren't good enough to keep your man, and that you need to fight off every competitior. So you get paranoid, and see competition where there isn't any.
What would I do if a girl was flirting with my man? Well, in fact it happens all the time. I had a boyfriend once who often would get hit on by girls, and I just laughed because he was trying to be so polite in letting them down. It was funny. My current boyfriend gets hit on as well, and I can't do anything but laugh this time as well, but this time it is different. Current boyfriend is clueless about women and don't realize they are flirting, and he just keeps on being his charming self without realizing it.
In any case, it isn't a problem, as long as the girls don't come running down the door. Besides, I get flirted with all the time, sometimes with a boyfriend right next to me, sometimes not. They don't get jealous because they know I wouldn't ever cheat. I don't get jealous or insecure about these things either, because I know that my man is my man.
It'd be different if I wasn't completely sure where I had my man. So.. maybe you and your boyfriend aren't as serious yet as you'd like? Maybe you need to talk to him about where you stand?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 January 2013):
 Define flirting please.
I can't see a teller at a bank flirting so outrageously that it would get the ire of a woman up this much. I'm wondering how you interpret her behavior as flirting...
How can you subtly piss on your tree to mark your territory.
You don't have to. He was very clear with her that he's not available....
so if you trust him and he's obviously not feeding into the flirtations what else do you need or want?
BTW if he was at the bank and you were just with him, she ignored you because you were not the customer he was.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): What a cow some people are just like that and they will make a point of
doing right infront of you just to get to you. So you should definitly stand up to people like that and is does it again you should tell her where to go because if you don't then she will continue doing it.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): I don't think you need to say anything to be honest. Your boyfriend is making it quite clear he is happy with you, so just continue to act lovingly towards him and they will get the message. If you have a go at them (especially if it is strangers who work in a bank etc) it will make you look a bit crazy and no better than them. The high road is always a better option.
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A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (31 January 2013):
 tell them to back off. In a friendly way..smiling..just say he is mine and stop flirting plz
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 January 2013):
 Your boyfriend did the right thing. Seriously, you've got him, and instead of get your hackles up that she kept flirting with him, feel sorry for her because flirting with a guy who's obviously attached and is making it painfully obvious that he's not available is pretty pathetic and desperate.
So don't be insecure, because you've got a good guy!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (31 January 2013):
Being polite in a situation like this is what gets you into situations like this.
But honestly, I'm guessing she was just being friendly, however for the sake of argument I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that she was being catty and rude.
What you should have done is simply said, "Maybe I'm reading the signals wrong but I find the way you're speaking to my boyfriend to be a little too friendly."
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