A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. I 30 years old and I am madly in love with my colleague and we are having an affair. When we met it was a moment where I took one look at him and felt electric heart-pounding it felt like I knew him already. We hit it off immediately but he has a g/f and I am married now separted. We have dated for 8 months and not been intimate. We have kissed a lot but nothing sexual as he says he wants to make it nice by making sure we can be together for the night etc. The problem is he seems to send me messages a lot then stop then does it again. I can't decide if this is because I told him that I can't be living with anyone as just separated or if he is playing mind games. He really seems to care and says he is scared about the way he feels for me. I don't know what to do any advice would be appreciated and please don't judge me as I have really battled with myself over this it is not something I ever intended or meant to hurt anyone it's just happened and I have never felt this way before. I was only 20 when I got married.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (13 February 2013):
 Hi
I do like a happy ending. All the very best to you and your lovely husband
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone thank you. Just on here to update and say you were right lucky for me i.had this advice. I have put an end to affair with college and nothing sexually ever happened thank God, as me and my lovely husband are trying to rekindle our marriage. I now realise I didbnot make an effort in my marriage neither was my hubby no excuse but that's why and also that this man at work got me by playing with my mind flattery one minute and ignorant the next. I think he knew I was not up for a fling so tried to get me hooked on him. I now realise I love my husband who's my everything and thank you all for the reality check.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2013): You say you never felt this way before? Then why did you marry someone in the first place? You've got to think why this has happened, are you missing something from your marriage, or have you never really loved your husband in that way.serpico is right it doesn't "just happen", I've been there believe me,your so blinded with the attention, flattery, yet in the end it turns to sh1t.maybe you did feel this way about your husband when you first met, but with all marriages they get boring unless you both do something about it! Don't expect your husband to do all the work like I did, men just don't understand. We all think they're mind readers, they just think everything's great because we don't tell them as it is. Excuse me for saying this but think of them as primitive to us, they don't understand unless it's in plain English, direct and to the point.whatever you decide, make sure he's not taking you for a ride, and whether you do love your husband, you don't stay in a marriage for 10 years for nothing! I just hope you don't make the same mistake as me, I was in the same situation and left my husband, kids, for what I thought was love, and before I knew it, it was too late. I'll always regret it I miss my ex so much and I'll never get over him x
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (1 February 2013):
First - nothing "just happens." That is the biggest cop-out going. YOU have CHOSEN it to happen. Second, you are in a committed relationship. You need to come clean with your husband and let HIM decide if he still wants to be with you. If not, you then need to take your lumps in divorce court and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): As much as you are passionate about each other, 8 months on and you have not been intimate. Either he is holding off because basically he doesn't want to go that final step because he has a girlfriend. Or he doesn't really feel quite as strongly as you do. You are free, he is not so - it looks as if nothing is going to happen here. He loves feeling desired by another woman and probably does have feelings for you. But nothing much more is going to happen. Remember, he has a woman in his life so, ultimately, you are going to end up being hurt.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMany thanks to you all. I will be careful and give him the ultimatem
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): You should ask him face to face and see how he responds to the answer and if has a good answer and doesn't seem fazed then maybe you should just give him the benefit of the doubt.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, MissMarie177 +, writes (31 January 2013):
 Men are very good at what they do sometimes. After being left by the love of my life for another woman I saw the truth once I started dating again. I have been told every beautiful saying in the book and most of the time I was being played. Since you were married you g, there may be things you are missing. A key hint is how he stops texting you randomly? He is involved with someone else and I am the type of woman who says, if you want ME than be with ME.But sometimes they like to have the best of both worlds and men like that thrill that they clearly can't have with their current girlfriend because they are already involved with that person and they don't have that adventure they crave. Men can be strange but obvious at times and I saw this and just had to answer you. Sure, he may be a wonderful man but my gut is telling me that if he can cheat on his girl at home, don't think that he wouldn't do it to you. Men will say, I've never done this before when in reality it is ALL they do! Be very very careful no matter how innocent his smile or tender his touch, there's no limit to the level men will go to please themselves without any regard for you or anyone else for that matter. They don't share the same emotions as we do so it is much harder for them to feel guilt. And the RARE few that are decent men would most certainly NOT cheat. Things maybe you should think about before going any further only to find yourself very very hurt by this man. Please be careful.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (31 January 2013):
HI
Well at least you have seperated from your husband.
I really hope this man has split from his girlfriend too.
Your being sensible not wanting to rush into living with him, don't let him push you.
I find it strange you haven't been intimate in 8 months when your in love, there are Hotels to book into if he wants alone time.Where does he live?
If he IS still with his girlfriend then he is not as interested in a relationship as you are, he IS playing games.
Its hard to know what to advise but I would definately back off and stop seeing him until he shows he is serious and as genuine as you and he's single
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): Sounds like now that you've made yourself very available to him (separated fr. your husband), he has lost interest. The arrangement you guys had at the time, you both committed to others, was what appealed to him...no strings attached. I sincerely hope you didn't leave a loving, faithful husband for this man.
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