A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been slepping with a man now for 3 yrs and recently had suspicions confirmed that there are other women in the picture. Now of course these women have told me they were just friends but all along this what he has referred to me as. A friend. How do I go about confronting him that I know about these other women and end the "relationship? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): At 40 years old you have to ask? just let him know that you know about the other women and that you don't want to be a part of his "friends with benefits harem". It's as simple as that. You want to end the relationship? Just let him know that "Hey, I enjoyed the 3 years, but I've got to move on without you in my life". If he asks why, then tell him about the other women that you know about and that it's not something you want to be a part of this late stage in life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): Hi Hunny
Just tell him you dont need this crap!!!CAKE AND EAT IT WIV JAM ON TOP!!!! You have to be happy and content in your relationship and feel you can trust...He has kept his opptions open by calling all his women friends, Well its bound to catch up with him in the end love, If your unhappy with this situation just tell him you dont want this kind of relationship frienship whatever he wishes to call it and tell him to take a hike hun, I hope you find someone who will respect you love and treat you how you deserve to be treated TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): It is very convenient for a man to call all his female relationships 'friends' - including those (like you) with whom he engages in sexual relations because then the lines can get blurred when he feels like it and also avoids commitment. At the heart of this your man lacks any commitment to you and if you want a serious relationship with him or any man then you need some. I think he is taking the pi*s quite honestly. Definitely confront and if you have enough evidence make sure you give him no where to hide. Watch for aggression or extreme reactions which often indicate guilt. To be honest I think with such a strong lack of trust (and I don't blame you either) your relationship could be over anyway.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): What is missing from the "sleeping with a man for 3 years", is the commitment made. Sleeping, I take as nightly, living together? I know we all seem to think that at a certain time in a relationship, that it is a committed relationship.
I'm 53, and I see that if I were to be single again, I wouldn't be interested in remarrying, and that an exclusive relationship probably wouldn't interest me in the beginning either. I must also admit I'm a little sour on the ideas of relationships, as I'm married and am finding it one sided, so I might not be so understanding of your position. Your stated age is 41-50, and typically the man is older then the woman, so he maybe close to my age, probably has been married and has had kids to, and now, doesn't want the pressures.
If you want an exclusive relationship, then you need to tell him. Bringing up the other women is pointless depending on whether or not you both are aware that what you have is an exclusive relationship, which isn't stated in your post, so I'm assuming it wasn't communicated. To support this thought, I have found the majority of couple's do more assuming then actually discussing what the relationship is and will be, what each others responsibilities will be to each other. When married, we hear the death do us part and sickness and in health, but this is meaningless if the rest is not discussed.
Leaving him of course is your choice. Doing so, and lets say you both didn't discuss commitment, then your placing all responsibility on his shoulder, which isn't fair. Now I say this because of my experience with my wife. I'm the man, I make all the decisions. If my judgement is not in line with hers, then I'm in the dog house. When I try to talk with her these issues, she doesn't want to talk, so either I learn to get it right in the first place (impossible), or I learn to read mind's, also impossible.
Anyways, I hope this provides some help, or food for thought as to a guys way of thinking, and provide you an avenue to be creative when you do discuss the issue in a way that you both connect and work through this, better or worse.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (21 March 2008):
 The truth is out and no one can blame you for ending the relationship.
There should be two people in a relationship and he has being getting his cake and eating it, that just isn't fair on you.
Did he ever tell you that he loved you or that he wanted to be with you and wanted your relationship to grow at all?
I don't know how you found out about the other women but the plain fact is that you do know and so he has lied to you.
Once a liar always a liar I am afraid.
Just front him with the facts, he cannot run away from that, whether you do it face to face or whether you do it over the phone is your choice, how do you think he will react?
Do you want to see his reaction or are you afraid of him at all?
If you are at all afraid then choose somewhere which has other people around you i.e. a pub or restaurant as no one likes to make a scene in a public place and you can choose to walk out whenever you want to.
I would suggest a pub rather than a restaurant thinking about it as you are not there to have a cosy meal but just sitting with a drink - probably non alcoholic would be best so that you stay focused on what you have to say.
Have you always used protection whilst sleeping with him or have you had any tests since you found out he has lied to you as I think it is important for your sake to make sure he has not passed anything to you if he has been playing the field so to speak.
I am not saying something bad here but anything can be possible so get yourself checked out if you think there is a remote chance of him not being careful when he has been seeing these other women.
I don't want to scare you but you have to think about yourself right now.
You have made up your own mind that the relationship is over so stay focused and hit him with the facts, you have nothing to blame yourself for and he is the fool at the end of the day as he has let a lovely lady get away i.e. you. You deserve better and there is a lot of men out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Just give yourself time to recover from this man who has deceived you and surround yourself with friends and family OK, enjoy life again and regain trust in other human beings. You need time to heal from the hurt and pain he has caused you. Maybe get a little bit of counselling if possible as you can go to a relationship counsellor on your own and this will then get rid of the demons before you enter a new relationship at any time in the future.
Try and plan something special in your life, maybe a trip or a special treat for yourself, give YOU some special time and you will start to heal and feel good about yourself again as he has knocked your self confidence as is the normal case when someone deceives us.
Take care and always here if you need me or any of the other aunts and uncles so never be afraid to ask for help in any matter OK.
Just stay strong and focused and remember this man is not worth your energy on any more, just get rid as you know your own mind now, the decision has been made you just need to execute it.
BFN
Country Woman (best of luck)
x
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