A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months now. Everything was going great on Friday but a few days later he started acting funny. Like not texting good morning like he used to every single day or not calling at night like e usually does. So by the second day of being put off I had enough... I called and wanted to know why thing have been going downhill. He said he doesn't know, he feels like there's something missing like things aren't the same as before no spark he said. So that hurt me a lot and immediately the tears began to fall because I care so much for him. So I asked him what's different and he says he feels I'm not happy like I used to be and he always feels like shit because of all the drama his crazy exs bring. And how he hates hurting me....he says he feels like he doesn't deserve me. That all his past exes would fuck him over and just leave, and he still can't believe I'm still here by his side. And his reason for ignoring me is that he has a lot of feeling he just doesn't know how to process and that he'd rather deal with t on his own...he has something bothering him but he won't tell me...he said something about something not being resolved in his past so it always haunts him and something about October but he refuses to say what. Honestly I think it's an ex that broke his heart. He told me about her once before, I asked why not go and try to finish it and he says there's no use nothing will come out of trying. And so I asked him if he wanted his space like if we should take a break and he said no that's not what he wants he just wants me to bare with him and let him get his feelings right... My question in conclusion is how do I give him his space and allow us not to talk because he hasn't been in the talking mood when he's all I think about and he's the only guy I want to talk to? -.-
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): Well you both seem kinda over emotional melodramatic types. I mean its not reasonable to expect him to text you good morning every single day and the second day that goes by that he stops doing it you flip out? Come on you're over crowding him and he seems to have lots of issues to begin with.You need to learn to chill. No bf can always be hundred percent into you or the relationship all the time. Just put your mind on other things for a few weeks. Hang out with your friends. Do stuff on your own.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): You could go on forever trying to figure out what's bothering him, but unless you hear it yourself from him, you'll never know for sure, and you will only drive yourself insane. I agree with the previous advice, take the necessary steps ahead now, rather than linger around getting lost in trying to figure it out. Accept he wants space, and prepare yourself for the worse case scenario, which is he ends the relationship with you. If he does, then just put it down to experience, and look to the future. If you and him never get back together, then clearly it wasn't meant to be, but you will be free to start again when you're ready, and find someone who IS right for you.
They say everything happens for a reason, and that when one door closes, another one opens.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Little Miss Maple  +, writes (9 October 2012):
Look, what I'd do is call him and ask if you can talk face to face. That is one of the most important things in a relationship, talk things through and suss out top and bottom of this. Hope this helps. X
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Your boyfriend is being very vague and non-specific when you ask him what's wrong and try to find out just exactly what is bothering him. The only thing he HAS told you is that he wants to deal with everything on his own.
Unfortunately, this is the "nugget" you must pay attention to.
I am aware you do not WANT to, but facts are facts, and this is the reality you are faced with right now - unless you want to choose to sulk, that is, and "badger" him into continuing to remain in contact - even if the contact is infrequent. I submit to you that you need to have the graciousness and respect to accept his decision as it stands. You don't necessarily have to LIKE it, however.
As to HOW you give him space, the way to do it is you don't call him; you don't text him or contact him on Facebook, email, etc. You COULD send him one email to say you wish him well in dealing with everything. I wouldn't say any more than that, however, or he might interpret the message as an attempt to get him to change his mind.
He MAY in time decide he wants to resume his relationship with you - or he may not. It is quite possible that he is trying to end his relationship with you and by being so vague attempting to let you down gently. If so, then, you have to keep in mind that while it was good while it lasted, relationships don't last forever, much as you might wish some of them (this one) did.
The only consolation then I can offer is in accepting such a decision and coming to terms with it, will in time, free you up to grieve for a while, but eventually find yourself looking back on it as a good experience from which you have now moved on, and thus can perhaps meet someone else in time.
Good wishes,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): Darling, If your bf stops to text calling you and admitted things are not the same as it was before, HIS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU anymore. You KNOW And CAN FEEL IT.He still have feelings for his ex gf. Honestly, you need some rehab, I mean some time off from him. I could definitely relate on how you feel, like wanting to talk to him and the only guy you want, becoz you LOVE Him.Think about him..ask this questions to yourself:1. Would i want to be with a guy who have the nerve to ignore me?2. Is it really o'k with me to have a bf who still have some unfinished business with his ex?3. This situation drives me madly sad, He made me sad, so am i gonna let him make me sad?4. How sure I am that he will prefer to be with me than his ex?5. Am I gonna let my self to have this emotional stress becoz of him? Is it really worth it?So what do u think? Is he worth all this stress you put on yourself? I suggest for you to read my upcoming article about jerks and players, Very Soon.. Very Enlightening, you might learn a thing or two.I'm not an expert but i know how to control my feelings. What you need? Control your feelings. If you can't help talking to him, FINE. Just don't initiate communicating with him. Wait for him to call you or text you, If he don'tWell and Good at least you know where you really stand when it comes to him. Men are born hunters, if their not chasing you, its becoz their busy chasing someone else.I know how hard this emotional feelings can be so i suggest for you to PRAY, talk it out with someone you know, and be brave.. ok? Don't worry about him too much, you can still meet someone BETTER than him...Good luck..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): "how do I give him his space and allow us not to talk because he hasn't been in the talking mood when he's all I think about and he's the only guy I want to talk to?"By realizing that boyfriend is a lying, cheating, manipulative, charming con artist and scumbag who only wants to string you along as fallback Plan B while he tries to weasel his way back into an ex's affections and bed or tries to weasel his way into a new needy, insecure, clingy chick's affections and bed. In any event he's a loser who has zero respect for you, and if you had any respect for yourself then you'd have already dumped him. He's only taking advantage of you because you're letting him.
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