A
male
age
41-50,
*hechefchad
writes:my girlfriend is having my baby, she is 13wks along. We had numerous conversations about starting a family, getting married etc before we got pregnant. We went and looked at rings, tux's etc. We do not live together. Since becoming pregnant she has totally changed her tune. Now shes not sure if shes in love with me anymore. She is sure she wants to have the baby. She has told me to leave her alone, give her time and space. I am so confused I do not know what to do. I am really making an effort to give her what she has asked for but it is really diffucult. I do not want to walk away from her or my child. I have waited forever for this moment and she continues to let me down on a daily basis. I am scared of losing her and my child. She says she wants to try but needs time and wants to take baby steps and one day at a time.... I my question is how do I give her time and space but still be receptive to trying to make an effort in our relationship without her or me being totally pushed away? Somebody please help me. My stress level is thru the roof and sometimes I scare myself! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Hi there,
I actually agree with "Lilz Don't Know", because I think a letter is a good approach. Pregnancy can really be a reality check for some people, it can also be very overwhelming. I think your girlfriend may need some time to herself to process her life changes - a baby is a big deal!
Be as sweet as you can be the next few days and write her a letter articulating that you deeply love her and are excited for the baby and remind her that you are there for her every step of the way. Tell her that you'll be patient and you'll respect the fact that this is a major thing for both of you, but particularly hard on her. Tell her that you are happy to give her some breathing space, but that you are also dedicated to being in the child's life. Remind her that you'll take care of both the baby AND her.
I really don't think this is the end of your relationship, I think that she has an awful lot happening and she probably just needs some space and time to process the fact that she is going to be a mother soon. So, go to your parents house for a week or two, go to a friends.
If you really want bonus points, and you're really looking to be romantic, I would quietly clean the house before you leave. Fill the cupboards and fridge with yummy food to keep her belly/baby happy. After a week of space, send her some flowers just to remind her that you love her. That's just if you're a romantic fella and you think she might need some tenderness. Don't overwhelm her... she has enough thinking to do with a baby on the way!
Good luck and congratulations!
xx India
A
female
reader, LilzDon'tKnow +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Alrighty you should probably know the person who is giving you advice. I'm 15 years old and i LOVE helping people. and i might have an idea of how to help. (Read my profile and you will understand)
Now its not full proof and sense i don't know the ilr its not garanteed to work.
I would advise a long love letter. Then you wait for her to call you. Now your going to have to be patient. Tell her how you feel. And how you WANT.. DESPERATELY want to stay with her and the child. And if she's not ready for a commitment thats fine. You'll wait. But it's alot easier to raise a kid with TWO parents instead of one. and From your description you seem to have a pretty good head on your shoulders. If you don't have a job its probably a good idea to get one. You might wanna tell your parents and try to prepare for the baby if she sais she wants help. Just be patient. She's loaded with emotions, there is probably some friend drama, she's preggy, she has no idea how to tell her parents, sh might be a little stressed at work, and she is probably in pain from carrying the baby. just try and comfort her in the letter.
~Hope This Helps~
Keep me updated :)
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