A
female
age
30-35,
*lower89
writes:I have posted a few times about this situation. I have fallen for a married man. I don't want to feel a thing for him. Let me be clear I have never allowed us to cross the line. I have tried to avoid him, but down to his work this is impossible. Started off with him staring at me, then doing odd jobs here and there. Then a moment where we almost missed but we were interrupted, so didn't. I then done some FB stalking and discovered he's married. So I tried to keep my distance, then I only speak with him through 3rd parties. Then end up in situations where I have to deal with him directly. These times I feel myself falling for him, while reminding myself he's married!! That he's not once told me. He has only ever brought up his kid as I have a kid too. Never his wife. I know about her though and need to get this man out of my head and heart. He's also a good bit older I'm 26 and he is 48. So way another reason. He's married, he has a kid. He knows me from work. He is a lot older. All these reasons my head says no way. My heart says I have feelings for him through. How do I get myself to stop feeling anything for him. I don't want to. I have made sure I haven't responded to his,"come ons" so far. I'm scared of going to the Xmas party, drink, feelings are not going to be a good mix. Should I bypass it? Honestly wish I could wake up and not feel anything for him anymore.
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female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (15 December 2015):
You won't get over him overnight. But sounds like you're doing all the right things to avoid things getting out of control. At some point in our lives, we do get attracted to married men or women. That's OK as long as it stops there. I've been attracted to married men before so can relate.
But...carry on doing what you are and you'll be fine. You may meet someone else and forget about this guy. Go and enjoy the x.mas party. Be sociable, polite and behave well around him. There is no need to keep away from social situations. There will be other people there i'm sure so you can interact with them instead.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2015): I think your overthinking it. It's ok to have a crush. But the fact that he's married means he's off limits. Point blank period.
Once you found out he was married you should have stopped thinking about him so hard. Just chalk it up to a cute guy and leave it at that.
Find stuff to occupy your time. Maybe start dating. Find a boyfriend of your own. This guy is taken.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2015): you clearly have a grain of common sense and on top of that a set of morals.if you look at it clearly you will see that he is taking advantage of you.he is much older,infact he is way past his sell by date and he is trying to ensnare you,he is being very cunning by being mr empathetic and mr charming but all he wants is hi old worn out leathery yr old deceitful dick in your young ,fresh. trusting punami.Take two potatoes or mushrooms and let one rot.then compare them.you are the healthy fresh one.he is the rotted ageing had his cake and eaten it one.make a cup of tea using a fresh teabag and savour the flavour.then take the used one and try again.it wont taste so good.then try this about twenty eight more times for the number of years he"s been sexually active,dipping his dick in and out of hot water and you will find it increasingly less appetizing.why would you want this old tea bag to con you,why would you be prepared to let tis old tea bag steal your self esteem for a bit of sexual gratification.now bin the tea bag and be glad to let it go.every time he tries a charmimg come on just start thinking of that old teabag and what a horrible cup of tea it made.you want a fresh vibrant new teabag...erm ...i mean man...to take your life forward and you deserve the best so unlesss there is an attractive young man in your office just avoid the heartache and embarressement the office party would bring to you and your child because that place will be swarming with used teabags who have made fresh bets as to who will bed you first.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2015): I am the girl who did cross that line.2.5 years later I am still his "mistress." That is all I will ever be.I wish I could turn back time and never have started. This affair has been the hardest thing I have ever had to endure. It takes away my self esteem everyday. I keep thinking someday he might love me the way I love him. But he never will. I am just his toy on the side. He does and says what he has to in order to keep me around. But they are lies as men like this are often expert liars and manipulators. He saw an innocent and vulnerable little girl in me and pursued me because he knew I would be an easy target for his advances. There is a strong attraction, even today but that's because it's an illicit relationship. All the fun but none of the work involved in real life relationships.I am just a fantasy or escape for him. Nothing more.I caution you against involvement with him. You are already vulnerable and I suspect if he tried it on with you, you would cave in to his advances, much like I did. That kind of attention is intoxicating and does become addictive once you are engaged in a full blown affair. And like any other addiction it eventually takes over your life, ruining it. You will never be the same person you were before. You will just be lost.My best advice is never to start. For you it is not too late.Please find yourself another job. Do not attend the Christmas Party. You are going to find yourself in a world of trouble if you get involved with a married man.What starts out as fun and thrills fades into deep pain, despair, hopelessness, self loathing...Please do whatever you can to get yourself off the path of temptation.I fear if you don't take extreme measures now, you are going to become yet another mistress. Take care of yourself as nobody else will. Love yourself because nobody else will love you the way you love yourself. You do deserve better and trust me you will find it. :)
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (4 December 2015):
Like Ivyblue, I do think you have already crossed the line. I’m afraid there isn’t a way to magic your feelings away, but remember that nothing is going to happen. If it did, he’d be the kind of man that cheats and lies, so you’d be setting yourself up to have your heart broken. You’re attracted to what you’d like him to be. It’s as simple as that. Either don’t go to the Christmas party, or don’t drink very much. I always find that if you establish a reputation as some-one who doesn’t drink to excess early on in a new group, people are less intense at pressuring you to do so. Make sure you spend your time with other people, not this man. If this crush can help you identify some of the characteristics and qualities you like in a man, great: take that with you and look for some-one who is available. If you can accept that this is something you’ll just have to live with unless you’re prepared to change jobs and do something more drastic, it’ll become something you manage.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Flower89 +, writes (4 December 2015):
Flower89 is verified as being by the original poster of the question You have misunderstood me, prob down to the fact I didn't even proof read my original post. Anyway we almost kissed before I found out he was married. So let me clear I don't want to cross the line or feel anything for him but I do. I hate feeling anything for him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2015): If he nearly kissed you and he stares at you and you are saying there have been these come ons then why would you ever want to be with him, he's married and obviously doesn't care about other people, namely his wife.
It's one thing thinking about somebody and wanting them it's another thing actually getting what you want. I would never fall for anybody who is with somebody else because that shows so much about their character.
Bottom line he is't a nice guy if he leaves his wife every morning and goes to work flirting with other people and nearly kissing them. He probably feels really flattered that a 26 year old is responding to his glances and I bet he knows you quite fancy him, he's just using you as an ego boost.
Out of all the men in the world who you could be with, all the men with no wife and kids to hurt, why choose him? Is he really that great? Don't go to the party if you can't trust yourself.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (4 December 2015):
"Let me be clear I have never allowed us to cross the line."
"Then a moment where we almost missed but we were interrupted, so didn't."
Just for clarification: kissed not missed? Because that sounds a bit contradictory.
So in answer to your question Yes, of course you should not go to the Xmas party...neither you or him can be trusted. As a parent yourself think about just how devastating the consequences of family breakup should you decide to put yourself in a situation that you already know the likely outcome. Tempting as it may be don't be THAT WOMAN its just a filthy trait. Man or woman
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