A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have this guy I've liked for three years now. It's kind of pathetic I've admired him for this long and haven't had the guts to ever do anything until now, but let's say I've let him no I'm interested but not enough for him to no I REALLY like him and want to date him.After all I've experienced with guys through past few years I've now come to realize I have no idea how to attract or get a guy interested without sex. Now I don't go flaunting it or straight asking for it, I'm a girl, my intention is to date a guy not just use him. But for some reason I have this "use" sign on my head that every guy I'm interested in sees and goes for. I don't want this to happen with the man of my dreams so how do I get him interested without expecting just sex or instigating it? I'm not one to play games but those ive talked to including guy friends say I have to play just a little cat and mouse. How the he'll do I do that? Keep him interested and wanting more? Do I text him first to let him no he's on my mind? I've always been afraid because I don't want to be that creepy girl. I've had my fair share of creepy guys that don't get the hint..Any suggestions would help. I really like him and I want this to happen I just don't no how.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2012): If he is a better guy than the "users" in your past, then why does he have to wait longer and work harder for sex than they did?
And women wonder why so many men are jerks.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 December 2012):
Well, you don't want to be in a position to where you have to say know to him. Just enjoy your time together and at the end of the date tell him you look forward to seeing him again. Don't invite him in your house or you'll be giving him signals that say "yes", not "know".
Also, don't be afraid to lose him if you don't put out. I mean don't expect him to wait forever, but if he's into you he'd be willing to wait long enough to know that you're no booty call.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): Well for starters you gotta keep it light. In this post alone, you are throwing out a lot of big sentiments towards this guy, such as he's your dream guy, you admire him, you want to to text him to let him know he is on your mind. In reality this is someone you've never dated so really don't know how he is as a boyfriend/lover. Those kinds of sentiments and divulging that kind of information should be for someone you are with as a lover and who you love and loves you and you have a relationship with. Not someone you just have a crush on. When dating guys, don't show all your cards all at once. That's what your friends mean when they say play cat and mouse. And I suspect that you have been taken advantage of in the past because you tend to wear your heart on your sleeve. Perhaps someone shows you a little attention and you take it way too seriously. You gotta play it cool. And be alot more realistic. Let this guy SHOW you that he is all the things you suspect he might be, your dream guy, admirable, etc. You can't go around telling guys you crush on deep sentiments you have for them, that are unwarranted because they didn't do anything to deserve it. That is a deal breaker. They will either be scared off or they will take advantage of a situation that is easy for them to take advantage of because you are making it easy. All guys want sex. Whether they are taking you seriously or not. That guys want sex is not the issue. The issue is whether they see you as girlfriend material or not. If you want this guy or any other guy for that matter to take a liking to you, stop taking it so seriously and wearing your heart on your sleeve so soon. Put these feelings you think you have aside, way aside, and try being his friend. Keep it light and platonic. It's ok to flirt with him, in fact that is a good way to catch his attention but let it flow naturally, don't force it or divulge too much information of how you feel about him, especially when you don't know where he stands. Send him a text and start with, "how are you? Merry Christmas!" If he responds great. Maybe it will start a conversation between you two. If he is not responsive then don't push it. Maybe he is not interested. There will be other guys. But if you text, "hey just thinking of you. Wanted to let you know you are on my mind." DEAL BREAKER! Be a little more mysterious. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (29 December 2012):
 In terms of letting him know (not "no", by the way!) that you're interested in getting better acquainted, I'd try just chatting to him; nice, pleasant conversations about things you are interested in, and what he might also take an interest in. If it goes well, perhaps he'll ask you out.
And if he doesn't? You could invite him to have lunch out.
Making it a daytime outing and NOT going back to his apartment,IF he suggests it, and at the same time, don't you invite him to go back to your place. Why not? Because he probably will think you would like to go to bed with him - better to wait til you've been dating two or three months and see how it goes before getting into sex. To put it another way: get to know each other as individuals first, and see how compatible (or not) you are. Men like to "chase" a woman. They tend not to value someone who they consider is too "easy" or over-eager.
After the date, what then? Wait and see if he calls, emails or texts to ask you out. A word of caution: if he doesn't immediately contact you, don't assume the worst! You have your own life and activities, etc., as does he. No, give it up to a week or two to see if you hear from him.
Generally, try to keep it light and casual. No pressure - not by him, or you pressuring him, either - focus more on becoming friends and see if (all being well)it develops into something more in time.
Good luck!
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