A
female
age
30-35,
*mjo
writes:How do I get the images of his ex out of my head? When I'm awake I'm constantly thinking out it. I'm not even sure why or what's bothering me about it. It never normally has. People have pasts and that's how life is so why is this getting to me so much?I cant stop thinking about them together (I met her once, briefly and have seen pictures). As far as I know they were happy together, he says she's a bitch but I worry that its just because she broke up with him but there was no other real fault with her (that I can see).I just cant get the idea out of my head. I'm even starting to have dreams about it, causing me to wake up feeling low and unhappy. Does anyone have any ideas as to what I can do to reassure myself in this relationship. Im pretty sure its all paranoia coming from me not him. (read my previous posts for more info. Ive struggled putting it all into one for lack of words to explain it as one. thanks.)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): Well, I know what you're feeling because I'm having the same problem; I've been asking myself the same questions, and picturing how they must have been when they were together in my head (even thinking about how sex and other intimate situations were for them), and wondering if he's said all the nice things he's said to me to her in the past, etc.
I've kept these feelings to myself because I know it wasn't at all a good relationship (though it lasted three years) and he harbours no feelings towards her anymore, and I don't want to worry him or make him feel bad because of my own paranoia and insecurity.
So I've really just been trying to blot out those thoughts with positive ones involving the two of us. I mean, he's with me not and not her. He's told me he's happier with me than he had ever been with his ex, and other things like that. It hasn't completely helped as I still have thoughts of himself and his ex, but it's definitely made things better to focus on the two of US rather than the two of THEM.
As you've said, everyone has a past. And it's up to us to realise that what's in the past is staying in the past. You are his present (and future) and that's all that really matters. Don't let the paranoia and insecurity get to you. As long as he treats you well, makes you happy, and is the person you want to be with then that's all that matters. So let your focus be on that. :)
Good luck!
A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Heyyyy,
Pure fluke I wandered onto this one lol. I can see your having real problems with this relationship and I think as you said elsewhere it stems from your previous one (not so much his previous one). I suspect his ex bothers you because you feel deep down worried that she was more special to him than you.
What can you do to reassure yourself in this relationship? I would say the answer is pretty simple to be honest. You need to confront the issues that have occurred because of your last one and deal with them because they are whats causing your issues with this one. You havent resolved them and they are eating away at this new relationship and your self-confidence.
So, if you want help with this your going to have start spilling about your last relationship I am afraid. Starting from the top, why did you break-up? Sorry to be invasive but I really think this is the issue here. Take care :)xx
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