A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, My "ex"-boyfriend and I are trying to work things out to get back together. We have been together for two years and a half but throughout our relationship we have had problems that have affected our relationship now... Everything was perfect and good when we met, we were young, and we fought over little things, but as the days passed our arguments grew. We would break up and I would start seeing other guys so that I could get over him. I thought it would work, but each time it wouldn't. I felt bad because each time I tried to get over him by hooking up with other guys, he would want me back but he wouldn't mess with other girls. We would break up because of his irresponsibility in school, anger problems (a little abuse), and bad comments he would say. When we would get back he would bring up the things I did with other guys even though we weren't together. He would bring them up like I cheated on him, and he would not forget about the past. Once again we broke up, but this time was different. I tried to work things out but he had excuses of not getting back with me. He said he needs space, doesn't want to rush, wouldn't answer my texts or calls but would see him texting someone off his phone(not me), and he would lie about little things. Things like him going out with his friends, lies that shouldn't have been lies. Then I found out he liked a classmate of his who was helping him with his problems even though she doesn't like him more than a friend. He really tried to go out with her but she was talking to another guy who she was in love with. Now we are trying to work things out but he still wants to be "friends" with her. He says he doesn't like her anymore but when I tell him to stop communicating with her because I feel uncomfortable with it he responds, "I don't know if we can work anymore." He sounds like he wants to work things out but when I bring up him communicating with her he immediately changes his mind and says "man i don't know." It bugs me that he cares sooo much about her that he still wants to communicate with her. Should I let him communicate with her and does it sound like he still likes her? When we're together he seems like he can't live without me, but when we're not and he's with his friends, he texts me every 20 minutes or even longer, and he talks to me over the phone with a tone like I'm a person he dislikes. The last problem is Facebook. He would make up excuses to not add me and when we got together recently he didn't want to make our relationship "a title." It seems more like he doesn't want people to know we are back together. And when I would read his comments to this other girl (has a boyfriend now), it seemed like they were flirting and that he doesn't want to add me because he doesn't want me to see it. He also said, "People are going to get mad at him if he does get back with me." When I would talk about us being friends on Facebook he would get mad where he would immaturely hang up on me... What I want to know is...-Does it seem like he still likes this girl who he claims to just be friends with?-Is he taking the relationship we're trying to work out seriously?-Does it seem like his friends are more important than me?-Is he trying to hide comments and conversations with other girls on Facebook?-Is he coming back to me slowly because all these girls he is flirting with are with or are talking to another person which would explain why I feel used?-Most importantly, what does he want from our relationship? He acts so different now and strangely i can't figure out what he's trying to do! I feel used and my feeling messed with.Please help...
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female
reader, zebralove  +, writes (16 June 2011):
 Only time will tell but I think that the second it goes back to where you were you should stop this and move on because off and on relationships will never change.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo here's alot of an update...or things that have changed.
-he asked me to be his girlfriend in a sweet and surprising way
-he wants to hang out at the movies & other places instead of places where we can be sexually intimate
-he talks about the future with me..us marrying, having kids, living in together..etc. Even though we are both 17 years old
-he becomes jealous easily, which shows me that he really cares & he may say mean things just because he cares
-he tells me he will stop talking to the girl he "liked" because he wants to work things out & he knows that it bugs me
-he tells me he can last without sex for 2 years and believes "I" will fall into it (which I won't)...which I believe shows he doesn't want to be with me for just sex
...are these good signs and progress from where we were before?? Does it seem like he changed back to how he was before?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Why do you want to work things out with this ex? I say if you broke up once and there has been a lot of time in between when you may have genuinely changed, then I'd say give it another go. But this relationship sounds like a broken record. You are both stuck in a rut. Nothing has changed, I'm not sure why you think things will be different this time or if you even think things will be different the nth time around. You break up because you want drama, then get back together for the rush of it. It's unhealthy and quite frankly, immature. To answer your question of whether he takes this seriously, no I don't think he does. You've broken up again and again and then gone off with other people seemingly just so you could fight about it when you got back together. I say end this once and for all. Just move on. This isn't a relationship and it sounds like it never will be.
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A
female
reader, zebralove +, writes (14 June 2011):
#1- I think he probably likes the other girl but he may just like her companie since they seem to be good friends.
#2- No hes not taking the relationship seriously because I don't think he realy wants to get back together.
#3- His friends ARE more important then you as they should be, if he doesn't have friends he has nothing.
#4- He probably IS trying to hide the comments he is making on facebook from you. Maybe he is ready to move on now.
#5- I think he is telling you he wants to work it out slowly because hes not sure if he realy wants to get back with you. And the attention hes getting from other girls are making him realize that you are no the only girl interested in him.
#6- What does he want? Right now nothing or maybe just friendship. I think this has gone on long enough and you need to realize that in a relationship bothe or you need to be comited and WANT to be together with in your case is not hapening.
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