A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:OK, I know this is stupid, and This is very embarassing...I have been watching a new TV series, and I have a HUGE crush on one of the actors, who is British and fairly famous. Problem is, I've let myself dream about this guy so much that my real life boyfriend doesn't measure up! I can't get him out of my head...I just don't get why I feel like this, I'd have expected this to happen as a schoolgirl but for heavens sake, not now I am older lol. I have a fulfiling life, a job, friends so I don't get why I feel like this!!!How do I get him out of my head?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2014): Mark1978, was that one of the singers from Take That or East 17 ?. And to the OP, is it ok to ask who your crush is?. Just curious.
I have had crushes on quite a few actors, and I actually had a drink with two of them on separate occasions!!. There was one that I had a crush on who I met after a show that I saw him in, and we went in a pub afterwards, and I also saw the other one in a show. As soon as I went over to him and started talking to him, he asked if he could buy me a drink.We were in the bar of the theatre after the show. I couldn't believe it!. Both of those actors are fairly famous too.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 August 2014):
 I think this is pretty normal, to be honest. We ALL want a fantasy. Sometimes we include partner, spouses in these other times actors, singers, musicians or absolute fictional characters. Like Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. :)
What YOU fail to understand it, you are not crushing on the actor - you are crushing on his PUBLIC PERSONA or one of the character he PLAYS. Once you can intellectually separate those two you might realize that you have a crush on a total stranger who's looks, voice or whatnot you are attracted to. IT is not uncommon at all.
My advice if you start daydreaming or fantasizing SWAP him out with your partner.
STOP stalking the actor's pictures, twitter, Facebook, gossip.
The actor is JUST a dude, like any other. He just happens to have a job that puts HIS skills and him in the limelight.
One thing though... having a little fan-girl crush on someone famous in not a bad thing. It's escapism. It's fantasy. You just have to be able to SEPARATE fantasy and fiction from reality.
And lastly, it's not just little school girls who have these crushes :) We ALL do.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (7 August 2014):
 Its not Ken Barlow I hope? Mind you - 1000+ lovers so must have something special!
I agree that cutting yourself off from this actors work and life is the best thing to do. Don't follow him on twitter or read celeb magazines or look on any sites which show these people dating/holidaying/etc. You need to "cut all contact" with this guy, even though he is not real as such.
What you have to bear In mind is that the persona, wit, looks, charm and intelligence (or whatever he has you like) that you see on screen is not real. Make up, clever use of camera angles, special lighting, etc makes even an ugly guy like me look a real hunk. As for his personality? Well its scripted. A team of writers produce his every word and the director, well, directs his every action. In real life he is probably nothing like that.
An ex of mine was madly obsessed with a singer from a well know UK Boy Band in the late 90s. She came with me to a motorsport event one day and this particular singer was driving one of the cars. My GF was almost fainting with anticipation and stood there trembling rather orgasmically as the car pulled up in front of here and the door opened...out stepped this short, spotty guy with greasy skin, hair soaked in sweat and razor rash. My GF was gutted! Still, with my greasy skin, spots and razor rash it was hard to tell me apart from him so that was okay with me!
As for you real life boyfriend, its possibly true that the traits this character has are things missing from your own relationship. However you are still quite young and at an age where many of us are idealistic, especially when it comes to relationships. Its hard without further details to know if your relationship really has an issue or whether you are having unrealistic expectations.
Mark
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (7 August 2014):
I get crushes on actors now and again too, and they have always been worse when I'm either single or my current relationship is not going so well. Is everything really ok with your boyfriend? It's possible that you are not entirely happy, and your feelings for this actor have surfaced because you are trying to fill a missing gap.
Most of the time, crushes like this are not based on looks alone, but on the persona you have attached to that actor. Think about how you imagine him to be, and what qualities you think he has. For example, if you imagine him to be really romantic, or a good listener, or an unselfish lover or whatever it is, then chances are those are the things you are craving in real life.
If you can work that out, then you can shift the focus and try to fix those things with your boyfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2014): Well, obsessing over actors, singers, and celebrity performers is losing touch with reality.
Time to get away from TV, and do something else with your spare-time. Give yourself a break from that show.
Don't read cover-stories or media-followup. You need distraction from your fixation. That's what boyfriends are for; but now he doesn't measure-up. Not a nice thing to say.
Well,there is nothing you can do short of stalking; so hopefully your star-crush will fade. When you hear news that he's dating or getting married, that usually does the trick. Or, he comes out of the closet and has a new boyfriend!
Try some reading, and a little less tellie! Avoid star mags or tabloids. I mean good healthy reading! Get a new boyfriend, or prepare to find a new one. I don't think he's going to be around much longer knowing he doesn't "measure-up!"
If it gets worse, you may want to seek therapy. Idolizing a celebrity is fine, as long as you can still get them out of your head.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2014): Hey girl,
Listen, you need to convince yourself that in general, most british celebrities are bastards. I mean, have you seen draco malfoy? What an asshole. Joffrey baratheon?(irish but a british accent)... so you get my drift. Basically they're all cunts. Aint none of them gonna keep you warm on a cold night. Unless youre talking about ed westwick or something. Ron Weasley is probably single, so if it absolutely has to be a celebrity, im sure he'd be only delighted to show you his magic wand.
Good luck.
Emma Louise
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2014): Don't watch anymore of the t.v. series he's in. Hopefully, the old out of sight out of mind trick will work. There are plenty of other things you can watch, if it's really gotten so bad you're comparing your boyfriend to him.
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