A
female
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anonymous
writes:I have a huge attitude problem and it's getting in the way of me and my boyfriends relationship. He keeps telling me that if this keeps happening, we're going to be over. I have a couple examples for you:Ex.#1: Last night, we just got done making love and we were getting ready to watch a movie and make some popcorn. I ran to the bathroom real fast and he hurries onto his phone. He HAD to talk to this guy from work about his motorcycle, which I thought was kind of rude because we were getting ready to do something and also just got done making love and didn't understand why he would've been thinking about his work friend at that time. So a huge fight broke out and we haven't talken since.Ex.#2: We were at my sisters one day and I had a feeling that he liked her in some way or another. He had gotten free vacuums from work and wanted to give her one. They're Dysons, so their not cheap and I told him not to. She's married by the way. I told him to give one to his parents instead. He had gotten 3 of them. Well, while at her house the other day he had the nerve to tell her and her husband I told him "No! Don't give my sister one!" I got very embarrassed, and then when we left I was mad of course cause who does that? I was even looking at him in the way of "please do not say this", he looked at me and just carried on.I know I may get mad at the stupidest things, he also knows what makes me mad and tries very hard to do these things. I've asked him to please try and help and not do things he knows are going to making me mad, but that didn't work. Everytime I get mad he makes sarcastic remarks or makes fun of me, which don't help any. He's always telling me to do something about it, meaning break up with him if I don't want to deal with it. I made that mistake last night by telling him it's over, but that's not what I want. I do love him very much, but I've always had an attitude problem. I'm thinking about getting real help for this. Do you think I should go to this extreme or is there any other alternatives to help with a situation such as this? Any advise would be much appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): I think sometimes people end up in relationships with people who actually bring out the worst in them. I can totally understand you getting upset in these situations. He is doing things that are very inconsiderate and tactless. I can see how something like that can really get on your nerves, because he should really have more common sense and consideration.
That said, consider if you really think this relationship is worth working out. If so, I think you need to talk things out calmly. No matter how hot your temper is, you need to explain to him how he is making you feel. He may not realize what he's doing, and not listen to your feelings when you're emotional. If he cares, he should appologize, not get defensive and make some effort to change. If he gets defensive and puts the blame on you, then he is never going to change.
He may, as you said, be purposely pushing your buttons. If nothing can change on his part, and you cannot tolerate his behavior (and don't even try to tolerate things you believe should not be tolerated), then I don't think this is a healthy relationship to continue. You would probably be better suited with someone with a very different personality than his, someone who doesn't push those buttons, who brings out the best in you. Good luck!
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reader, Sexybum  +, writes (23 March 2006):
 I'm going to give a short answer and it is yes I do think getting real help for this is EXACTLY what you need to do. You are very wise as you have already admitted your problem and already worked out that outside help is the way forward for you.
You know what maybe you are better off out of this relationship FOR NOW, you got yourslef to sort out, and he isn't helping really, cause he's another source of stress and anxiety for you. Maybe you have some issues that run deeper than you think and you are right Counselling will help you make the changes that you want to make.
I was very similar to you a couple of months ago and I think it really is anxiety that you are describing. I am still getting counselling now and its great it IS slowly helping me. You need to deal with this because anxiety can make you dreadfully ill and can be very very destructive, please don't sweep it under the carpet and forget about it.
Good luck sweetie, and don't be so hard on yourself, chin up x x :-)
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