A
female
age
41-50,
*eloise Reeve
writes:The story is rather long, but I need to let you guys know everything in order for it to make sense. Thank you for time and attetion!I have known this guy for some time now and ever since I met him I knew in my heart we were meant for each other. I think the only reason we did not start dating right away was because I was afraid of letting anyone in. Before him I only dated three guys. My first boyfriend was the only one who did not cheat on me. I was his first girlfriend and he was my first boyfriend. What we had was more of an innocent relationship. We didn't even had sex, we were just happy to have someone in our lives. My second boyfriend cheated on me with the girl I thought was my best friend. He said he liked her first, but she was not available at the time. He said that he did not see what he did as cheating since he had no feelings for me. I was just a toy for him. My third boyfriend became a model shortly after we began our relationship (I had been modeling for some time before I met him). He was very jealousy and controlling guy. He was always afraid that I would either cheat on him with one of the models I worked with or that I would leave him for one of them. One day he came up to me and told me that he had been having affairs with some of the girls he worked with. He even told me that I shouldn't ask him how many girls there were, because not even he would be able to remember that. After those two guys I was so hurt I chose to forget about men for a while, and so I did. Until I met this new guy I met. At first I kept myself distant from him. Yet the more time passed the more I saw in him everything I wished a man could be. All the things I had already lost faith in. I believed "that kind of guy" was only a fantasy. He is the most amazing man I have ever met in my entire life. One day he decided to let me know he had all these feelings for me. I was in heaven. It was the happiest day of my life. Yet my fear of getting hurt was so big that I asked him to wait a little . And he did. He stayed by my side no matter what. In the mean time he began to work with acting, which is something he had been wanting to do for a long time. I was very happy for him. We always talked about his work and how things were going. One day I asked him about love scenes. He told me that they are very meticulous and fastidious and unromantic to be done. And that no matter how passionate they might look, there is no way you feel any real passion while doing them, especially the way we feel in real life with someone we love. He told me they do not use tongue when they kiss. But that sometimes it happens that while kissing their tongues do accidentally brush a little against one another. Which he said it is completely different from an actual full-on french kiss. Just because in a real french kiss we use tongue in a more intense manner, which obviously does not happen accidentally. He even told me that before they do a kissing scene it is very common for the actors to talk to one another about how to do the kissing without using tongue. I appreciated that he seemed to be telling me in a very subtle way that I was the one he wants to save his passionate real french kissing for. He and I stayed a long time without seeing each other. He went to New York and I went to Brazil to visit my family. Now that we are together again, my heart almost explodes when I see him. He is the love of my life. And I can see that he loves me a lot too. The problem is: now that he is an actor (which makes me happy to see him happy) I have no idea how to deal with seeing him doing scenes with other girls. I know everything he told me about how love scenes are done is true. And I really trust him. But what happened to me in the past makes me so afraid of certain things. The thought of him kissing other girls, the thought other girls tasting his kiss gets to me and makes me uncomfortable. You see, part of my issue is that having had such a controlling boyfriend in past makes me certain of that fact that I don´t EVER want to be that kind of girlfriend. That kind of girl who wants to be the one telling you what you can or can´t do. But having had cheating boyfriends made me afraid of not being able to handle seeing him with doing love scenes. Trust me, I know how completely different those two scenarios are. Please don´t judge me. This is making me feel very guilty as it is. I know my past should not get in the way of our present. After all it wasn't his fault what happened to me. So I know I can´t behave as if I am punishing him for something other men did. I love him so much and I want be with him. I also want him to keep being an actor because acting makes him happy. If you guys/girls were in my shoes what would you do?Have you ever dated an actor/actress before?Any help and serious answers are very welcomed.
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affair, best friend, cheated on me, jealous, kissing Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): Yes, I have dated actresses. They're crazy, self-involved, flighty, passionate, and great in the sack.
You gotta let them show off and applaud every chance you get. Or maybe think of a famous movie star who has the qualities you like and see if they can create a day-to-day persona around that.
If that doesn't work, hang out with them between shows when they're not around a bunch of other hardbodied dancers/actors who need affection and then get a hobby to tide you over until a week after their cast party.
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (4 November 2010):
First off, don't feel guilty about how you are feeling. We are all molded and shaped by our past experiences and they make us the people we become. Second, I'm very glad you've found love when you didn't think you could ever again. Not all guys are like the cheaters you described. Some of us sincerely want to be with one woman and make her happy.
With that said, it sounds to me like your current boyfriend is one of those guys. He doesn't want or need to cheat and only needs you and I'm glad you've found that. I should reassure you that a great friend of mine is a wonderful actor who is often involved in romance scenes and has kept the same girlfriend for 5 years. Him and I have talked about this before.
Basically, he said the first time he got to do a love scene, it was very exciting (before he was dating anyone) He said he was nervous yet intrigued about faking a makeout with someone he barely knew. Overall he said it was disappointing. Though it looks real; its not. They both are professional and feel nothing. Its for entertainment purposes and nothing more. So I think your boyfriend is really telling the truth on that one.
But trust issues can only be resolved by you. He can support you, but you need to be the one to take the steps. Before he leaves to start working, give him a long passionate kiss. Not only will this make him feel great :D but it will leave you feeling more confident that no other girl could match your love for him. Make that kiss really rile him up so he knows who he gets to come home to when his work is done. You'll feel more at ease and you'll assure yourself that he's thinking of you the whole day, no matter who he's doing a scene with.
Once the fake and unromantic love is done for the cameras, he'll be back to remember the real love and passion that is waiting for him back home. No one can truly escape their past, and you shouldn't expect to get over trust issues without a lot of time. Just do little things like that during the day to keep your mind at ease, and take baby steps into staying calm about the situation.
Also: talk about things. All the freakin time. Guys are oblivious, and they need to know what you're thinking. If you simply explain to him that you want to get over these issues, I'm sure he'll be more than willing to help you along.
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