A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HelloI wonder If anyone has been in my situation or could give me some advice what to do?I have been with my boyfriend for about 7 months now and at the start of our relationship he was out all the time and once he stayed at a girls house (his friend) with her friend and another friend of his. He told me the next day where he stayed and assured nothing happened. Both of the girls are very pretty.Anyway months have gone by and he has been a lovely boyfriend, and says he has found the one in me etc but I just can't seem to let go of the past. I keep thinking he cheated on me with these girls and it's eating me up. He reassures me nothing happened. But there is always a niggle there and I feel insecure. Can anyone help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012): Get over it already. Stop being so insecure or you're going to destroy the relationship. He told you nothing happened. So there- nothing happened. Done.
If you refuse to trust him you might as well break up with him now and save both of you a lot of time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Everyone!
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me, greatly appreciated. I think you are all completely right here in that maybe it's my insecurities with myself, I think maybe I need to start loving myself a bit more and focus on my good points, not focus on the bad and instead of thinking about him and what he's going to do, maybe think he may be a little bit lucky to have me ;-) I know we have all been hurt in the past and I am not trying to feel sorry for myself here but I find it a little harder than some to just let go as I have been with cheats and liars so therefor I think I was comparing him to these x
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 April 2012):
 you do realize that men will sleep with real ugly girls too right?
your comment "Both of the girls are very pretty" made me smile... as if that's the issue...
why do you feel so insecure?
if he says nothing happened and you two have been good since you started, then you have to have a bit of trust.
He hasn't done anything to make you not trust him has he?
if not, you need to work on your insecurity and self-esteem as those the the reasons you have the feelings you have.
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A
female
reader, Thisiscrazy  +, writes (23 April 2012):
 Hi there if you can't let your negative thoughts out of your head you will lose him.. Trust is what you have to have if there is to much doubt it will never work or you will push him to another if he feels he is getting accused for it all the time well might as well.Seriously get over the very beginning of the relationship and deal with the now. At least he was honest and told you where he stayed and that's at the very beginning . Keep this up and I guarantee he will take off. If you can't trust him it's over. I hope you can look at your relationship and see your answer in it
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (23 April 2012):
 If he only stayed ONCE at a girl's home with two other friends and he told you nothjing happened then you have the choice to make a decision to either believe him or not. You can't keep seeking reassurance.
I would look at: has he generally been up front and honest with you generally? Do you find that when he says he'll do something - whether its getting together with you, or honoring a commitment he has made to assist a friend or family member with something, that he carries it out?
What I'm saying is that being truthful in (seemingly) small matters can give you a good pointer as to how honest he is in bigger things - one of which being, did he really cheat on you or not
Finally, unless something occurs that indicates there's "something funny" going on, don't let insecure niggles get to you! In other words, don't pull "evidence" out of thin air - before you confront him with something make sure of your facts; be certain you have a "cast iron" case!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, borntohelp100 +, writes (23 April 2012):
 Sometimes girls can feel like this because they feel they're not as pretty as other girls, i'm not trying to say your not pretty but maybe your insecure about yourself and not your boyfriend. If it's not about you being insecure about yourself than that's totally different. If you don't trust him then there is no point of being in a relationship but if you really like him then just sit down with him and talk about your feelings, be open with him and learn to trust him and DON'T LISTEN TO ANYBODY! i mean sometimes even your friends say thing that can get in your head so use your brain!
good luck :D
borntohelp100
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (23 April 2012):
 Trust is the basis of a healthy relationship.
Your insecurities are nothing to do with your boyfriend.
He assured you he did not cheat, therefore you can only trust him and take his word for it.
Beating yourself up over niggling doubts that have no basis in reality is hurting yourself.
Next time you have doubt crop up, stay calm and remember your boyfriend has said he has seen *the one* in you, not those other girls.
Goodluck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2012): i gotta admit, it does sound a bit like you have something real to be insecure about here.
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