A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my ex of 1.75 years a month ago. To be honest, I think we still loved each other (at least I still loved him), but I wasn't really a priority to him anymore. I was always left in the dust, and I don't think he was really ready for a serious relationship. I wasn't happy anymore, and the last few months of our relationship was just one big roller coaster. I couldn't handle it. I even found out he was emotionally cheating with some other girl by telling her all the issues he has with me and why it was foolish of him to chance a relationship with someone so different from him (me). A month later and I guess I still miss him when I'm not occupied with something. I dream about him every night. And the dreams are usually me confronting him and asking him why he wronged me the way he did. He ends up either laughing or making fun of me in a way, something to hurt me even more. It's the same thing every dream. Why do I keep having these dreams? How can I just stop thinking about him? What mental frame must I get into to get over this? I've been on a few very casual dates with a couple guys, and they just don't inspire me or mentally stimulate me as my ex did. It's just hard to move on. Some help would be appreciated.
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broke up, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): I had a similar experience dreaming about an ex. What I needed was closure. Once I talked to her and put a real end to the relationship, it stopped.
A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (28 April 2010):
 Chigirl... it says 1.75, as in 21 months.
And OP, once I heard someone tell me it takes twice the amount of time you went out to fully get over someone.. Now I think this is an exaggeration, as you will surely not take 3.5 years to get over him. However, the point sticks. It will take a lot longer than just a month. It will take quite a long time, you just have to hang in there and know that your dreams don't mean anything special. I hope that helps.. :)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 175 years is a long time to be with someones... haha, sorry for the joke but I had to stare at that number for a while! Also the reference to leaving you in the dust had me thinking of vampires (in these vampire days).
Well, back to your question. How to get over that state of mind? You have to give it more time. He hurt you. And the pain is still there, and so you keep dreaming about him hurting you. One month isn't too much, you might need more like three months or more. If you truly loved him you will need more like a year to completely get him out of your system. The best you can do for now is to remove yourself from him as much as possible. A clean break-up is what insures a faster healing. Delete his phone number, throw away all the pictures you have of him, block him from your facebook etc.
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