A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:last year i ended a relationship with my first ever boyfriend because he accused me of cheating. for the whole of the year we were on and off, and everytime I took him back he would drop me as soon as he found another girl that he liked. B.ut no matter what he does i still cant help but to love him. i have tried everything but nothing helps me, i need to get over him but i dont know what to do please help xx Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): I have read the other responses, and while I don't have too much wisdom to offer that is anything you probably haven't already heard, I did want to chime in because I strongly disagree with the post below me.
I was with my first love from the ages of 15 - 19 and we were inseparable. I had our whole life mapped out, the wedding, the kids' names, all of it. I spent all of my time with him, our families became close through us... it seemed like a no-brainer that this would be my life forever.
Now I realize, and statistics will back this up completely, that there is NO WAY you can know what is right for the rest of your life when you are that young. Anyway, I realize that has no value in making you feel better right now. What should, though, is that I absolutely DO NOT still love my first boyfriend. As a matter of fact, I've been in touch with him recently because of our high school reunion and I quite honestly can't imagine what I ever saw in him now that I've been with the guys I've been with since him.
A wise person I once read said that as we grow and learn and become who we will eventually become, we stair-step our way to our best possible relationship and that's who we end up with- the one at the very top. I'm 38, and I whole-heartedly believe that to be true. Three boyfriends ago, I would have sworn I would never meet anyone I could even stand to go on one date with after him...no one could possibly compare. But, the next one was better than him, and the next one (my current) even better than that.
So, trust me... do the things that you need to do to take care or yourself now, be your best self possible at all times (don't ever look for any guy to make you happy or complete you) and before you know it you will have butterflies in your stomach over that new guy and you won't believe this was ever this big a deal to you.
Because this is your first time going through this, you just have to take our word for it. You will get over this and you will find greater happiness. It's up to you how much time you waste between now and then making yourself suffer. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and focus on the positive things in your life and on being the best you can be.
Hope you feel better really soon!
A
female
reader, cherrysundae19  +, writes (11 December 2008):
I never thought that I would get over my first true love. I was 18 at the time and he was 28. He had asked me to marry him and then he disappeared one day with our realtor. All the time put into the relationship down the drain. It took me a year and a half to finally get over him, I was so sure we were meant to be. Now you are in a very similar situation, and I know the horrible feeling that you carry around on a daily basis. Trust me when I say that I know you will get over him and there are so many more men out there that you will experiment with. It probably seems like you never will find anyone as wonderful as him but there is someone better then him. You are still young and you have your whole life ahead of you with lots of things to see. Men will come and go and your first is always the hardest one to get over, but the truth is you never stop loving your first true love. I still love mine, but you have to be okay with what happened between the both of you. Go out with your friends and you are sure to meet someone new who will prove to you that there are great men out there looking for a true love, and you never know that person might be you.
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female
reader, shiraz +, writes (5 December 2008):
hiyah, your right hun you really do need to get over him, hes really not worth it. hes got no respect for you and your feelings and its something thats never going to happen. you cannot pin all you have on somebody that never will be what you want. i know its hard and im not going to give you the usual itll get better you will move on because at the moment its hurting and its what you need to sort now rather than later. ask yourself hasnt he taken enough? and yet hes still changing you as a person you need to see this and progress away from it. your in a plce you dont need to be anymore and you need to find that somebody that gives you love and trust back because there is that somebody out there, thats what i believe anyway. you just have to find him. your never going to do that hung up on a waste.
i think its hurt more as he was your first and it seems to me you fell deep, but you got yourself there now its time to get yourself out.only you can help yourself, people can give you all the guidance possible but its your life and your future. i know it sounds stupid now but in the long run would he of been the best for you? i think you should see the positives and thank that you didnt have years of his constant on and off leaving. youve got a chance to make something good happen out of something bad so use this as your advantage.
the best way to move on is to socilize and although you may feel crappy right now organise a night out with your mates or something to get you out and about. focusing on the past and whats happened is no good for you and you wont ever move on.
you need to become yourself, something you never had the option of doing with him. find that guy and love him, i know you havent got him yet but hun you will know it when you do and you will say to yourself god im bloody greatful i didnt waste it. i know im going on a bit now but anyway i hope all goes well and my advice has helpped you in some way. xxx
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