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age
36-40,
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writes: How do I get over an emotional abuser? I love him deeply, but he always found flaws in me... He was very loving and respectful most of the time. But when he''d get mad and make me cry, he'd get even angrier. It's true I made mistakes, but still, he called me names, ignored me, yelled at me, put his hand over my mouth in order to make me shut up... when he was mad, laer he said I knew he has a strong character so I could've avoided all that. He was very jealous. I did isolate myself for him. It created a lot of problems with my family, because as I was (am) emotionally tired, I'd cry, a lot of times, adn this made my family upset. I still love him deeply. he broke up with me but an hour or so later he emailed me telling me that he wants to be with me, but that I have to accept that he likes to have things his way and that he has a strong character, and also that he has a dominant personality. So I accused him of being an abuser. He said he doesn't ever ant to know anything from me again.I know all of this was unhealthy and that he probably has deep issues, but I can't help but think that if I hadn't made some huge mistakes (I lied to him), this wouldn't have happened. How do I get over him? I feel lost, empty, lonely, and worthless. Help please. The pain is endless.
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broke up, emotionally abusive, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, oxxvickixxo  +, writes (3 July 2008):
Hey hun. I don't really have any advice for you but I'm going through the same kind of thing at the moment so if you want to have a chat just to let you know I'm here for you as I'm sure we all are. xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Stay away from him, don't get into conversation with him, avoid him at all costs. Treat him like an addiction - like one drink is one too many, and one encounter with this abusive man again is one too many.
Also, I would suggest that you seek out an womens support or abuse survivors group in your area and get some help to rebuild your self esteem and try and heal some of the damage that he has done to you.
I wish I had following my escape from a physically and emotionally abusive relationship, because my baggage from that has just cost me the love of my life...
Stay strong, hun, but don't try and deal with this alone. Get some help. Please.
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male
reader, no_issues  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Porn teaches us that the best way to get over someone is to have a series of fun, uncomplicated, and logistically unsustainable hookups with whatever new and exciting love interests come along.
These hookups should be interspersed with social bonding and light recreational activities for maximum effect, and to provide a context in which the hookups can take place.
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Hi,
first off , stop trying to make him think he is an abuser. Abusers will never admit they are out to control the people they apparently love.
He has you wrapped around his little finger making you believe it is you who causes these rages. It is not it is him, he is a pathetic we dweeb.
One thing is for sure, I bet his ex won;t want anything to do with him, she probably has got her life back, her friends, her family. YOu on the other hand are still easy pickings.
If you have any courage and self respect left, delete his phone number, email address anything that ties him to you and one day very soon you will wake up and thank god that you escaped a life of misery.
But remember tell him he is an abuser will have no effect at all, he will simply turn the argument around on you and make you feel worse about yourself.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (2 July 2008):
He told you he's going back to his Ex because, guess what...
He's an abuser!! He wanted to hurt you and make you come running back in tears to tell him that he was right and you were wrong.
He's an idiot and he just proved it to you.
"I love you so I'm going back to my ex" HA!! What a moron.
Unfortunately you can't get him to see what he is. But what you can do is learn to spot his kind in the future and AVOID them like the plague.
The pain will stop but you have to take control of the situation. Delete all his emails and numbers and everything. Then go out with your friends as though he never existed.
Good Luck!! xx
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (2 July 2008):
 You need to work on improving yourself. The pain will continue being endless as long as you continue attempting to justify his behavior.
I have a strong character. I live within the personal and professional demands of high integrity. Yet, I don't abuse others, call people names or manipulate them into doing what I feel they need to. People are individuals and have the right to choose for themselves. He has not right to treat you the way he had. In the long run, you'll be thankful you're not with him. You now have a chance to redevelop yourself, and become the person you set out too be.
With my strength, there are benefits. Such as, if a rumor is spread which goes against my character. Those who know me automatically disprove the rumor, without question. They know who I am, what I will and won't do. That's having a strong character. What he calls strong character, I call "abusive personality".
Keep building yourself up. As you do, you'll benefit by knowing who you're willing to be around and who you're not. The greater love you have for yourself, the greater chance you'll have in finding someone you will love you to the level you're searching for.
Take care.
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female
reader, lexilou +, writes (2 July 2008):
 It doesnt matter if you lied he has no right to control you in this way. If he has been this controlling already then often with time the power struggle gets worse and could lead to physical abuse.
You do not need this man in your life. Cry, scream, shout, stamp your feet, write your feelings down and look at it as a lucky escape. True love is not like this and that is what will keep you going now. Yes it hurts and there is no magic cure to end this pain. You have to take one day at a time and stay strong. You will come out of the other side of this and you will meet someone who can love you without feeling the need to control or abuse you in any way.
I wish you luck for the future x
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe said he's not an abuser. He said he's deeply hurt that I don't love him and that I think of him that way. Now he said he's gonna go back to his ex crush, so he won't be thinking of me all the time. Why does he have to say thta to me? How can I make him see he's abusive? He just thinks everything he does is acceptable. I feel like crap, utter crap, worthless... again life shines and smiles at him, but me? All the effort I made to try and make this work, and as a result, I got hurt and wrecked... and I don't think he's feeling like that. I hate this. The pain IS endless. How do I make it stop???
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (2 July 2008):
Yes you made mistakes.... but even if you had been the perfect most wonderful girl he would have made you feel like this anyway.
So he emails to tell you he cares about you and is a strong man, then as soon as you call him an abuser he runs off and throws a hissy fit?
This is not the sign of a strong personality, this is the sign of a very weak and pathetic little boy, who needs to make his girl cry so he can feel like he's in the right all the time. What a loser.
You can get over him as soon as you stop telling yourself that he is wonderful and you are not. Get it the other way round. You are a great person, and he is an idiotic little boy. Thinks about all the bad things he did. Think about how he upset you. Get angry with him!! Then use that anger to give yourself strength.
Know that he can come crawling back in tears, begging for you back and you would just tell him that he had his chance, and he blew it.
Know that if your next boyfriend ever makes you feel like that even once, then you will walk out of the door and never look back.
Good Luck!! xx
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