A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How does one get over a guy? I am in love with my best friend yet sometimes it just really hurts me to think that he doesn't want me - he ignored my love confession - and is probably out with others. Yet, i love our friendship. I just don't know how to be in it without torturing myself over my feelings. What do i do? :( :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2013): I totally agree with Tom.When I was in a similar situation, I waited and waited thinking the more time we spent together, the more he would realise how much I meant to him. However, he just didn't see me as relationship material, so it was futile.There's also a risk, that if you drink too much one night and something does happen between you two, mainly because you feel so much for him, you might want more and he not. That will truly leave you heartbroken, used and destroy your friendship completely.When you do meet someone who wants to be with you, you will be surprised you spent so long pining for someone who did not return those feelings.Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2013): I was in the same situation. I told him how I felt and he told me he did not feel the same way. Then he went ahead and got a girlfriend. I hung in there as his "friend" thinking he would change his mind about me because he always kept the door open, would flirt and never mention her etc. So I thought maybe he wants me to know he's not serious about her. But in time nothing ever changed. He just kept right on playing me and still seeing her. Clearly playing the both of us. I decided I could not let myself be walked all over anymore. He was not worth the pain and heart break I felt every time I pictured the both of them together. One day he would be all over me, the next he would pull away. It was an emotional roller coaster ride from hell. I did feel like the other woman. I could not take it anymore. I was worth more than second best.I think many of us reach our breaking point and in our own individual time. I reached mine where I started pulling away because I did not want to feel the hurt anymore. I was literally sick of all the highs and lows. They drained me emotionally and sucked all the joy of life from me. I should have done it much sooner but I guess my heart was not ready to let go. What pushed me to that point was him telling me they were going on a trip together to some romantic island. That did it. And the fact he was going to be engaged to her soon.Do not put yourself through this torture. You know by his response that he does not feel the same way. I held in too long and let him string me along when I should have bailed long ago. It's time to walk away. I can tell you from experience that even though it will be the hardest thing in the world to get over at first and for a long time, eventually it does get better and you will feel stronger and realize you are happy without him.I cried for weeks, at all hours of the day and night. I could not function. I had a broken heart. But a day goes by and you aren't crying. Then it's two days. Then three. And eventually your feelings do fade. With enough time and space. You do have to go through the pain to heal. This is the crappy part but it is amazing how strong you feel once you let go. And you proud you are of yourself for getting through it. There are better things in store for you. You will see. You must let go of anyone who does not love and value you the way you deserve. It only makes room for the right one who will see all your beauty.Take Care.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (12 January 2013):
 Hi, I'm afraid from personal experience, the best thing for me was to pull away. I find trying to go down the friend route is torture. Be honest with yourself and accept that you want "all or nothing." If that's the case, "all" is not available here so my advice would be to pull away and distance yourself. The more you hang around, the more you may hear about love interests and this hurts more and more. I tried hanging in there but this didn't work for me. I waited a bit, then a bit more but realised I was just frustrated and upset. So, pulling away and distancing helped me. I felt sad at first, but found letting go really began helping me move forward. It wasn't as bad as I thought either. In fact, I'm glad I did now. Time and new experiences help and are better because you find other people that really want you and pick up on your interests and meet your needs in love and life. Best wishes, T.
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