A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:ok here it goes...i fell out with my boyfriend of 4 and a half yrs about 2 and a half years ago and ever since i fell out with him ive realised what it is like to be lonely.one minute i am single enjoying the single life then next minute i am meeting up with someone, falling for them and then they are leaving me hurt and upset. I get so depressed when i sit and think to myself what i went through with my ex and the lovely life that we used to have and now i am all alone.i met a guy there a few months back and right from the start i told him that i wasnt looking for a relationship because i always fall too quickly and end up gettin hurt and i didnt think that i could face all that heart ache again. but as the time went by he told me that he felt that exact same way as me and hated getted hurt and he didnt want to start a relationship with me either however he said that his feelings towards me were beginning to change and that he wanted nothing more than to be with me. So again i took the chance and we went out for a few months and i really started to fall for him.towards the end i just knew that there was something going on however when i questioned him he said i was imagining thigns because i had been hurt in the past and that i should just forget about it. so i did then we had a huge fight and broke up and i cried for days on end because once again i was left heartbroken after i had fallen for a guy and he had left me.i am still in contact with this guy and i do still really like him, infact i really cant stop thinking about him and i have been tryin to be strong for myself and have deleteed his number quite a few times but i no know it off by heart so its kinda pointless me deleting it. I keep saying ill not fone him again but in the end i always do because i want him back so much. He made me feel good about myself and i really thought that we couldve lasted.but how do i get myself back to normal again? i love being single and doing the things that single girls do but i just cant get him outta my head no matter how hard i try. and honestly its not worth all this heartache and depression because i am going to end up running myself into the ground all because of a man.please help...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): Don't know what music you are into but I find the following songs quite inspirational:
'The greatest love of all' by Whitney Houston
'Try it on my own' by Whitney Houston
'Hero' by Mariah Carey
And there's loads loads more inspirational music from all music genres
Also I read a very beautiful quote once (I think it was a Buddhist quote) which said 'do not fear loneliness instead use it as an opportunity to get to know yourself and strengthen yourself within' - it was accompanied by such a lovely picture and so I bought is and sent to a friend who was so lonely at that time and it really struck her too. I was on my own for ages after an abusive relationship and I really found myself. I read so many books, went to so many places, met all sorts of friends, did another course, took up whatever hobby I wanted and it was the making of me. You can easily do the same you just have to believe that you are worth making the effort for yourself. It's still a beautiful world, despite all the problems You got over heartache before and you can do it again. If you really believe he was special then that is between you and him to discuss but if you are not going to be with him then it's not your fault so don't be hard on yourself.
You can and will feel good about yourself again as long as you ensure that you do not allow yourself to be defined by him or whether or not he is with you. I know you love/d him but he is just a man - don't put him on such a pedestal and see if that helps. So, whilst, yes, you may still miss him, or miss having a relationship, this does not define YOU. So therefore a man is a bonus, not an essential, if you see what I mean. There is some good advice below. Take care x
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 February 2008):
 You mind can be either negative or positive. You can control your mind to think in a positive way or you can allow your mind to delve on the negative or self defeating thoughts.
You need to control your tongue too from speaking negative thoughts.You need to psyche yourself and think more positive thoughts and your mind will believe and it becomes a mind over matter.
Your actions and attitudes will determine if you want a happy or a sad life.
To get back to normal, you need to keep an exercise regime because exercise can help you to stay fit and healthy and keep your minds off those negative thoughts or thoughts of him. Your mind need to focus on the exercise and be relax.
Take back control of your life and that you are responsible for your own happiness and not depend on anyone.
Let go of the past . Forgive those who have wronged you
Have a wide circle of friends who can give you support and fun to be with.
Try to laugh often and see the humorous side of every situations.
Don't be a doormat and let people walk all over you.
Be more spiritual , for it can let you see things from a new perspective.
These are the habits you could inculcate daily .
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (14 February 2008):
 You partially run yourself into the ground because of a man, the main part is because of you. One sentence says is all. "He made me feel good about myself." That's a dependency sign. A method of using a relationship to complete what you feel you need to complete you. What you need to do is become complete first, then find love. I feel the best relationship that exists is where both people love themselves, are happy being them, but they get together to share the happiness they all ready have with someone else. That way their is no expectation for wishing the relationship would fill something your missing. The power of love falls within you before it can be shared with another.
I hope this helps, take care
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A
female
reader, didapoo +, writes (14 February 2008):
 I know the feeling. First, if you love the single life, stay that way. Its hard at first, but then it does get easier. Just take it a day at a time, and stay busy. Remember that your only young once. Trust me, the single life is way better than a life of sorrow and fake commitment. At least then your not tied down, waking up one day, realizing that 20 pointless years have gone by with someone that you really never knew if it was love or easyness that kept you together. Take your time, breath the fresh air of life, and settle down when your ready.
Good Luck!
Dida
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): In a way it is a bit hard to give advice on your relationship with this guy, as you have not really said what, in your opinion went wrong. Maybe you could advice a little bit more about the problems you seem to have with these 'guys'.I am also not totally sure how old your are and how many partners you have had which have caused you pain.What I would like to say to you is that, many, many girls and women, everywhere seem to feel a little bit like this at stages in our life. The feeling somehow that we 'need a partner' sort of takes out sight of ourselves.You have said that you are okay with the single life, awesome. This is a good sign, your not hung up on a guy so to speak but maybe as a single person you miss something that a relationship offers, and that is what could be your heartache.I think as we get older, we tend to enjoy other things about life and get pleasure from the things we do, see and are involved in. You may need to look at what is in your life at the moment which you can focus on to get your self back on track. If life generally only revolves around going out and socializing, your naturally going to get involved with people who may not last. Not all relationships are, in my opinion perfect, longlasting or benefitial. Take the good stuff which worked for you and when you decide to take another leap of faith, just make sure your not repeating the same patterns and personality differences which you already know, are not something which you relinquish your single life for.Date, maybe more than one, be honest though. Don't tie yourself at this stage down to anyone accept yourself!!Get involved in things which are not about men and dating, expand your horizons and experiances.Maybe a couple of things to think about other than men!Good luck and all the best. (I can tell that your going to be just fine!!!!) xx
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