A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi, basically I think I've messed up everything, and need a bit of advice.I've been going out with my gf for nearly 5 1/2 years, and all of a sudden last week she said 'things' were bothering her and needed to chat.She told me some 'home truths' and I know i need to change these things...and will NOW and in fact have done already.However, she said on top of these I'VE changed and that she needs some space (1-2 weeks)...What do I do?We're still texting, but her messages are cold...We got through her been at uni for 3 years, its only since she came home fro uni that things have gone downhill.She has told me she loves me in a message, so i think things should be OK - but welcome any advice.
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female
reader, StarNews +, writes (27 December 2005):
 She wants to have her cake and eat it too. More than likely, she is seeing someone else. She is keeping you on the side in case she falls on her face.
If you really love someone, you dont play games and string them along. You do whatever it takes to let them know how important they are in your life. You know you are loved when you feel secure with that person, and you have no doubt in your mind that they love you.
I was in a 5 yr relationship that was on and off. He wanted 2 wks, and during that time, he was out partying with his friends. He came back saying he only wanted to be with me, but only once a week. He was not willing to compromise. My intuition told me to dump this loser.
This last break up was the final. He still said he missed me (in IM chat) but I didnt feel free to call him or see him. He had things to hide. I finally told him (in IM) that he is seeing someone. He admitted he was and that they were going away for a weekend, but he didnt know what he wanted and that the more girls he was with, the more he missed what we had. Those are mind games. If he loved me, he wouldnt go away with her, and he wouldnt need to be with a bunch of other girls.
Give her the 2 weeks and nothing more. It may be that she really needed time to sort things out. It depends all on what she says after you gave her the time she needed. You must also realize this is YOUR TIME, once you hear what she has to say. Did she tell you how much she missed you and realized she took you for granted? Is she willing to compromise and meet you half way with your needs? If so, she is worth giving it another try.
It really is your decision and you have to look at it that way. Dont be so afraid of losing her. She is the one losing out on a good thing, cuz she is the one who took that chance and let go.
If she isnt willing to compromise and is not apologetic for what she put you through in order to "find herself or have space" or whatever the case may be, then she does not respect your feelings. She is not worth your love or your time.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2005): I have excatly the same problem, all i get is cold text messages, she said she wanted "space" after 2 and half years, i dont know what the answer is, some posts say to ignore, and if she comes back, she comes back, others say try to talk to her nice, and find out what the cause of it all is? I still get txt messages that say she loves me, but im starting to doubt it
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