A
female
age
36-40,
*arinewife
writes:My husband is very addicted to porn. i have asked him over and over to stop, but he still wont. i have even threatened him with divorce and told him he would never be able to see his daughter. he still watches it. i feel like crap when he watches it. im a big girl and im losing weight cause i feel like he watches it to not have sex with me or when we have sex to think about some skinny bitch or a bitch with huge fake tits. sorry about the cussing but it pisses me off. how can i tell him to stop watching porn forcefully and get my point across??? please help me!!
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 If you do not like pornography, but your partner dose, the solution that causes the least arguments is a policy of "Don't ask, and don't tell".
Ask him to remove all the pornography from your marital home. Ask him to remove any items of pornography on the computer, and to make sure he either sets up a seperate computer account to look at pornography, or deletes his history every time he uses it.
He has no right to expose you to pornography if it is something you do not like. But he is an adult and not a child, you have no right to tell him what to do with his time.
Further, threatening him with seperation from his child will cause both the child and the father to suffer emotionally in the future. If you are unhappy and want a divorce, then this is what you must do. But do not throw arround empty threats that hurt and attempt to punish.
A large percentage of men and women use and enjoy pornography. If this is your only problem with your husband, you may divorce him and find that your next partner has the same problem.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (14 May 2010):
What do you class as an addiction? How often dose he watch it? Is he still able to have sexual intercourse and perform in bed with you. What are your views about pornography? Do you dislike it, tolerate it, or use it yourself. Has your partner ever been late for work due to pornography? Has he ever refused to go out and socialise because of pornography? Does he have other hobbies and interests that he likes? Do you and him go out as a couple? Do you kiss each other when out of bed? Is non-sexual touching frequent? How often do you and your partner have sex. Do you enjoy sex with your partner? Is the frequency of sex with your partner enough for you. Is he happy with your sex life? Has he complained about either frequency or the quality of lovemaking with you. How long has he been using pornography? Did he use pornography before he met you?
It is important to have responses to these questions, before we can advise if this is a true addiction to pornography or something else.
If you are unhappy with your body, it is not the pornography or his use of it causing this. You are unhappy with your body and even if he stops using pornography you will still feel like this. Instead you will turn all your resentment towards his (imagined) attraction towards other women, women on the street, women on the TV. You are comparing yourself with other people and obsessing about looks. Whilst you continue to do this, you will always be threatened by women who are smaller or more attractive than you.
Learn to make the best of yourself, continue trying to loose weight, but realise that you are beautiful too, and he wouldn't be with you if he wasn't attracted to you. Trying to tell a man what to do with his eyes and his hands, trying to force him what to like or dislike never does any good. It breed resentment, makes a man feel controlled and manipulated, often dosen't work, and dosen't have the result that you think it will.
You cannot change people, you cannot force them to think like you. The only person you can change is yourself. Start to love yourself and find yourself attractive, then other women (in magazines, video's or real life) will no longer be a threat to you...
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 May 2010):
 If he's addicted, talking to him and threatening him will not help. Porn addiction is a real problem and he needs help. A real threat to leave him may be enough to kick his butt into rehab. But for your self-esteem, I swear it is NOT about you, honest. I don't mean you should accept porn, but I am saying he didn't become addicted or start watching because he's not attracted to you or not satisfied. He is watching because it is a habit that turned into an addiction that started before he knew you. I think this will not improve until he gets help if he's really addicted and suggest you sit down and talk to him about this possibility. It's important for him to get the help he needs so he can see it's hurting you so much. You can't do this on your own, it's like any other addiction. It really needs professional help.
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A
female
reader, Jesc +, writes (14 May 2010):
 I came on here with the same question.
It's like he didn't understand that I was getting hurt with him watching it.
One thing you need to try even if you did it before a million times, Talk to him. Try to get the point across one more time.
Afterwards if he still continues turn it around on him I believe it's cheating in my mind no matter what. Other women can handle it, think it's normal but that's not how I am nor how you are as I can tell.
Look at other men, sexy ones. Try to make him see how it hurts, in fact masturbate climax to them, Let him see how it hurts him. Fight fire with fire.
If that doesn't work don't give him any sex anymore continue on yourself, If he keeps it up leave him. It's probably the best.
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A
male
reader, True +, writes (14 May 2010):
Ight.... 3 things you can do... make yourself sexy and seduce him so he doesnt want to watch porn but you LOL. or... sit down and watch it with him because porn IS addicting and its probualy harder to quit than cigarettes... Ok then the final option is to just talk it about it with him a express your concern about how you think he's more in love with his precious porn than you CALMLY!!!
**keep in mind**
He's not the only man that watches porn even if they're married it doesnt meen it's the end of the world.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): If your husband has an addiction, he needs professional help to stop. When someone has an addiction, threats don't work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): Hi,I'm so sorry you are going through this. I went through this too with my ex. We were together for 9 years but it took some years to see that he had a dark secret he was keeping from me. My ex was addicted to porn and dating sites. He claimed it was out of boredom, and that the women he looked at or came across meant nothing to him.After years of blaming him, and threatening him, it took the birth of my son to make me wake up and realize that I needed out of this relationship. I can go on and on. But battling an addiction, whether it's porn, drugs or alcohol takes a lot of work. He needs to be the one to wake up and realize that his addiction is ruining his marriage. I'm not sure how religious you are, but finding some guidance through your church is a good idea. (My ex is finally seeing the light, but I'm long gone) Or he can say I've got to fight this to save my marriage, and get help. He needs counseling, and you too. Like marriage counseling. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): Honestly, I had the same problem with my boyfriend. He wasnt addicted but he did watch it alot and it bothered me. Truth is you can`t force him to stop watching porn. Alot of guys do it apparently its normal for them. It should only become a problem when he stops getting intimate with you and replaces it by watching porn. I suggest have a talk with him, tell him without getting too upset that it bothers you. If it is getting too much for you, leave him. If he doesn`t want to do any and everything in his power to make you happy, then hes not worth the stress. You can find someone else who will respect your feelings. Don`t starve yourself thats not healthy at all hun. Try to watch it with him and see if it helps.
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