A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am going to be 18 in 3 months and my bf 23 and my mum and little sister are going on holiday this weekend and i did ask if my boyfriend could stay over and the answer was no which i got quite angry about as she has meet him lots of times, i've been with him a year and she is letting me go on holiday with him this year also.I know she is afraid about what my grandparents would think and her boyfriend but they are going to have to come to grips with it at the summer anyway. She also said she isn't comfortable with it herself and said she will at some point.I am just angry and mostly hurt that she would not let him stay over.I know it is her house and her rules but i do live in this house along with her and contribute to the looking after of it. She is going away during the summer too so is there anyone who could give me advice about the right way to go about asking for her permission?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): I'm the poster of this question.Thanks for all your advice i tried talking to her again and she still wont talk it over with me. She already knows i've been sleeping with my bf for almost a year now she kind of found out and wasnt to pleased but i thought she had came to terms with it and would treat me more like an adult but apartially not. She always been pretty open with me but now that i am getting older she seems to be closing up.
A
female
reader, say_anything +, writes (27 April 2009):
 i understand it's frustrating to have your plans stopped, as i'm sure you were looking forward to having your boyfriend stay over, and you feel as if your mother is being unreasonable and acting as if she doesn't trust you.
i expect she said no because she doesn't feel comfortable with the idea of the two of you completely unsurpervised for a long period of time. you are her little girl (i know you are over the age of consent but you are under 18 and therefore not legally an adult) and it's only natural for her to be uncomfortable with the notion of you as a sexual being. at the end of the day, if she isn't willing to budge, you will have to accept her decision as it is her house and she has the right to say what she will permit under her roof.
but try discussing it with her again and she may explain her reasons and maybe realise you are mature enough - but try not to push it into an argument.
good luck & best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): For starters you're under age and you're living under her roof -- so it's her rules. Unless you make it clear that you understand and accept that, she's unlikely to soften her stand.
Cut her some slack -- it's tough for parents to make the transition from "my little princess" to acknowledging a sexual being. She has to get used to it eventually, but if you push her, it might take longer just out of plain stubborn.
You've brought it up. Let her mull it over with no more pressure. Being angry about it won't help.
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