A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello dear cupid Family, I have a lot to ask and to talk about. I am a 42 yrsr old going through a divorce have been living apart for more then a year with my hubby but met this man I fell madly in Love with, there is only a zillion things that are happening. This man I love is severely bipolar and even on disability for it, he has been staying with me and my little girl up until the 17th and I had to go take a class for my new job and so I took him home, when I got back to his home 3 days later all was great. Then we was to come home here to my home 2 days later but he decided to stay home.I said ok and then I left his house. He hasn't been taking his medicine at all and has severe hi blood pressure, also he has been talking real crazy and about all diferent things and wanted to have me and my little girl move there but he offers me no security, if something happens to him then me and my little girl whom is 11 are out of a home, cause I have one of my own now. I have been telling him I can't do it because I need security for our future.Anyways I call this am and talk to him and He flips on me. I know he has been self medicating with drinking but all I did was ask him if he was ok and busy or not and he told me he was busy and would be busy for a very long time and not to ever call him again or talk to him again. We have been through this before when he was having a bad day and all has been ok when he sobered but what I need to know is what I should do. I can't just throw my hands up and walk away I LOVE This Man.I know it sounds crazy but please someone I need some input I haven't been able to eat and barely able to drink even, I just worry about him so much. Please someone I know there is no quick fixes but I am desperate for some advice. With all he does I still Love him Very Much and I know it is because of him not taking meds. Thank you all very much ahead of time ....
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (6 May 2009):
 As things have deteriorated with this man, it's probably time to quit and walk away. You are not responsible for his illness and I doubt anything you contribute to his life would improve his illness. As I said before, it's a sad situation but now I think you realise it's making you feel unhappy.
You tried to think of a way to make it work, but think on this...
If he wasn't in your life, you wouldn't be constantly worried and you would never have to say sorry again to him for something you didn't even do. Let him go hunny...sure you may be lonely for a while but the world is full of people and there will be someone else out there for you who doesn't have so many problems and knows how to traet you better.
Good Luck
Aunty Em xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy problem has gotten worse I dont know what to do anymore with this man .I am always saying im sorry when he gets upset even when i dont do anything .He has went back to his home to stay and is acting like a total jerk .I am falling to pieces mentally dealing with him and he seems to take ,take, take and im always giving ...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell he went a whole two days ignoring me just to call and say he is sorry .It is a ongoing way of life with him Im just to the point to where I dont know if I am coming or going .And as for my little girl I do not subject her to this I dont even discuss it around her because she deserves better then that and I dont want her to think this is the way a man is suppose to treat a woman.However it doesnt stop my feelings for him and sometimes i even feel as i am the blame for his illness even though it was there before we even met .i guess that is how it work but i wanted to give you all a update on what was going on .thank you all
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): This isn't an answer you want, for which I apologise.
Your daughter is going through the break-up of her family. You have custody, she's relying on you to maintain at least a semblance of order in her world. She must be your first responsibility.
In any relationship you consider, your daughter's needs have to come first. Is this man you're seeing in anyway contributing to your daughter's well-being, emotional or otherwise? It hardly sounds like it.
If you want to see someone with issues this vast, do so in a way your daughter isn't exposed, such as when she's visiting her father. Your b/f has no place whatever in her life, and you're being irresponsible exposing her to him. Worry less about this man, and more about your child.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (27 April 2009):
What a very sad situation to be in. Im not sure what advice would be for the best from this site as being with someone who has a mental health condition probably requires the help of a trained counsellor or a doctor.
On a practical level, if you really love this man, perhaps you could live with him for a while and at least monitor him so that he would take his meds regularly. You could maybe rent out your home, so you don't lose it and have somewhere to return to if things don't work out. Whatever happens, you are definitely taking a massive load on...and at the same time trying to finalise divorce. I admire that to have the strength to consider it at all.
How does your daughter feel?, shes at a very impressionable age and going through the divorce right alongside you. How will all this affect her? How will living with an unstable man affect the rest of her childhood?
Your the one who has the power to make this happen or not. I wish you luck with it...but I seriously think you have some sould searching to do in order to protect yourself and your daughters future.
Love is a funny thing. You have to be sure...and post divorce, it's hard to make the right choices for quite some time.
Stop, think...and think again...this is a huge decision!!!
The very best of luck to you
Aunty Em xxx
...............................
|
