A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 26 years, two years ago my husband took a job in another town, so now we are in a long distance marriage. Every thing was going as best it can in this situation, until a year ago a new single female co-worker arrived, who is a very needy person. About nine months from her arrival, I noticed some changes in my husbands behaviour, I came to realize that he has aquired a crush on this person. I confronted him with this, he ofcourse denied it, saying they were "just friends" and that I should not worry, because there is no chance that there will be any sex between them, since she has her views on how her ideal man should be like. Considering that they will be working together for some time more, how can I open my husband's eyes to his idealization of this needy person as well as coming out of this crush he has for her?
View related questions:
co-worker, crush, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): "I noticed some changes in my husbands behaviour, I came to realize that he has aquired a crush on this person. I confronted him with this, he ofcourse denied it, saying they were "just friends" and that I should not worry, because there is no chance that there will be any sex between them,"
There is every chance there will be sex between them. You need to seriously sit with your husband and a counselor and work out the problems in your relationship with your husband.
Bluntly, people will deny there is anything even after they have come home from the other person's bed.
You have noticed the change, he says they are "just friends". However, there has been a change. Maybe it is in your fear level, maybe it is in his complacency, but it is still a change and you feel threatened. That is important.
Get professional help, if your husband refuses to go then that is a warning sign as well. Tell him YOU need it for YOUR issues. Be open and honest in the counselors presence.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 November 2010):
 It's what I call the "Knight in Shining Armor Syndrome" Many men have it, just like many women have to "DIY-fixer upper syndrome".
The "knight in shiny Armor syndrome" is when a women either is or play the "damsel in distress" or the " I'm so helpless" and voila, men will do stuff for her, help her out, listen to her - because it makes THEM feel useful, while not noticing they are really being taken advantage off. It makes them feel like the big strong protector.... (now these are of course not real syndromes, these are just the names I call them)
Your husband likes the attention he is getting from "needy girl" most likely because, you are by now in your relationship more independent and your own person, then this 'needy girl".
I would tell him exactly how it makes you feel, and don't let him tell you that you are wrong. You know how it makes you feel. Just because they work together doesn't mean they need to be friends outside the job. They are co-workers. Ask him how HE would feel if the roles were reversed.
Also I would consider talking to him about his/your needs. Maybe he needs something from you, that he really is getting from her, which might be why he likes being around her.
...............................
A
female
reader, Viv Acious  +, writes (11 November 2010):
Hello.
On the whole, if it were me, I would be very unhappy about the situation. First of all, the word 'crush' is quite a cozy and gentle word. It makes something seem quite silly and cute. If you genuinely think he has a gentle affection for this woman, which is going no where, then trust your instinct and don't worry. However, you have posted on this site, which shows you have doubts.
So, what does having a crush mean? It means, somebody likes somebody else much more than a friend. They are happy and excited by their company.
Sorry to be blunt but using the word 'crush' I think takes the sting out of the thought: "My husband has the hots for a co-worker but the co-worker, apparently, doesn't have the hots for him". So, what would happen if she did have the hots for him? Do you think he would resist?
Also, when does a crush turn into an emotional affair?
Have you met this woman? how do you know she is needy?
I have to say I have to agree with aunt honesty. Please try and get under the same roof and live together.
I hope this helps and the best of luck.x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): you cant open someones eyes for them nothing you do or say will help. you just have to let time run its course. but also start to be on the lookout for any signs that he might be getting closer then he should.
you can talk to him and tell him that you are worried express your feelings to him and see what he says.. but remember dont say anything negative about this other woman to him dont sya shes needy or anything like that.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 November 2010):
 well it would be hard for him to get over this crush when he has to see her everyday, can he not get work that is close to the family home? If i were you i would have him back home and finding work before this crush becomes something more, but i guess you need to trust your husband and the choices that he makes, you need to talk to him about this and tell him how you feel, i think he needs to come home and try and make this marriage work for the both of your sakes, you need to get back in to habit of living together as a married couple, is there no way that you could move up to him?
...............................
|
