A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i need some advice. My husband speak loud. He said this is his normal way of talking. Im trying to get used to it. The problem is im having now a nervous attack. Only one little loud thing i got totally nervous. I try hard to explain that to him, that maybe we can learn to adjust. But when i start telling that to him then he start get loud again plus the impression of his face is like angry. I love him to death but i have a feeling he will kill me slowly if he dont change this. I try to tell him that maybe some help from doctors can help us to explain why i am like this. But he dont accept that. Im getting tired and i dont know what to do. Please help.. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 Hi
Is he just talking loud or is he being loud only when being angry with you? If he is just talking loud all the time, it could be that when he was younger he felt the need to talk louder to get attention, maybe he had a big family who were older than him, and when they all spoke to eachother he couldn't be heard so learned to talk louder, which will be hard for him to now stop doing. But if he cares about you and you have explained this to him, then he should really be trying to tone this down. However if he is being loud and shouting at you in anger all the time, then maybe he is a bully, and needs anger managment. If this is the case unless he can admit he has a problem then im afraid there is little you can do, other than leave him for your own safety. Unless he is willing to except this and change his ways there is not much else .Try telling him again how this is making you feel, and that your very jumpy now at every little noise, tell him this is very important to you that this stops .
I hope this has helped.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): If i were you, i would go to the doctor for a check up because it sounds as if you might be suffering with anxiety. If that is the case, your husband might be a little more sympathetic once he knows you have a condition that he is making worse with his very unreasonable behaviour.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 What is your home environment like? Are there televisions and radios on? Bright lights? Any other noises in the background? What color are your walls and floors?
If your home has TVs and radios on constantly, bright colored walls and floors, flourecent lighting or lots of direct lighting, it may be contributing to this believe it or not. Softer lights and more earthy colors have a tendancy of soliciting calm in people.
Also you and he may wish to practice drinking chamomile tea together - it relaxes the nervous system.
Unless he is loosing his hearing, "boisterous" probably is just the way he is. A little redecorating and some encouragement into calming activities could settle your house down.
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A
female
reader, crazylady +, writes (18 May 2011):
Well I'm Italian and that runs in my fam, no changing it, I even do it sometimes, I hate it but its out of habit. So if he's Italian or some type of Europen like Portuguese ect that may be it. They do have anger management classes though, or maybe he's stredded about something and isint saying anything, he can always do a stress test as well, nor healthy to be yelling and angry all the time now days.
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A
female
reader, Romanilove +, writes (18 May 2011):
Do you mean your husband has a very loud way of speaking or that he yells at you constantly? From what I get it sounds like a mixture of both. His voice shouldn't scare you...a startled response is a symptom of anxiety. You seem a little anxious. Why dont you visit the doctor and have your ears checked, a persons voice should make you feel that way...unless you dont like the person lol. If he just has a natural way of speaking loudly , it may be difficult to change that..
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): did you not know this about him before you married him?
some people don't know how to communicate without yelling. i totally understand how it upsets you and makes you nervous. sounds like he's got a real communication/anger problem. if he won't go to a counselor, and he's unwilling to listen to you and work on this issue for you, there's really not a whole lot that can be done. you may just have to decide if this is something you can live with or not. if he's unwilling to change, you may have to leave him. you shouldn't have to get used to something that makes you have anxiety attacks.
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