A
female
age
22-25,
*achael99
writes:I have this friend who has never had a boyfriend before and she feels really bad about it. She's the nicest person in the world to where she's TOO TOO nice. She is pretty but she's self conscience about her teeth being grayed out even tho it's not her fault (she ran into a tree a few years ago). She's never had a boyfriend because shes' real shy and wont talk to boys and she gets embarrassed when I tell her how to flirt. I mean, she doesn't know how to flirt like she won't sit close to them on the couch or anything like that. This one boy i was trying to set her up with put his arm around her and she went to the bathroom and came back and sat in another chair. She always ends conversations real quick and actually told him to Shhhh because she was watching a movie. actually she told us all to but the point wasn't the movie anyway. she doesn't get things like that so taht's why she never had a boyfriend. So i decided to set her up wtih my cousin because he likes her and doesn't care about her teeth and there both very smart and like a lot fo the same things. He is a little foreward and he's a little older and he has had girlfriends before so it should be easy. but she did the same thing, kept moving away and then when he kissed her (real quick on the lips when he was leaving) she wouldn't talk to any of us and she went home early.how do I get her to know she was really rude to him without saying it? I mean, thats my COUSIN she's turning down. I just thought sinc everyone thinks he's cute and he'll be nice to her, she can get a boyfriend and she won't have to waste time with all these guys she thinks are cute who totally would never go out with her. All she does is talk about cute guys (right in front of my cousin!) I thought if she had a boyfriend, a good one, she wouldn't have to do all that. How dio I get her to give him a chance and to stop going on about guys who don't want her?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (18 November 2013):
 That's still not really the right idea - all teenage girls talk about boys, that is perfectly natural and very normal. Just because a girl talks about boys, does not mean that she is actually ready for a boyfriend. Part of the process BEFORE being ready is starting to think about boys, like boys, getting used to the idea in your head etc before it happens in real life.
So her talking about boys is part of her process to help her one day become ready for a boyfriend. So you really shouldnt force her to stop talking about boys either, her vocalising her thoughts and feelings about boys is helping her and to force her to shut up is only going to make it worse.
The problem here is you are trying to CHANGE your friend, one way or another. So if she isnt ready for a boyfriend, you want to now change her so that she stops talking about boys despite this being a very normal thing for her to do.
Why cant you just be a good friend and listen when she wants to talk about boys? I'm sure you talk about boys too, I bet she's never forced you to shut up about it right?
And there is no need to have your cousin with you all the time, girly time is a nice thing and you shouldnt have boys with you at all times. If your cousin wants to hang out every now and then that's fine, but not all the time - your friend wants to hang out with her FRIEND (i.e. you) not some boy she isnt interested in.
Try and be more understanding, just because she is not ready for a boyfriend doesnt mean she doesnt want to talk about boys - all teen girls want to talk about boys. Listen to her and have a giggle with her, dont take things so seriously - life is not black and white like you are making out, there are grey areas.
A
female
reader, Rachael99 +, writes (15 November 2013):
Rachael99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK, I guess my friend is not ready for a boyfriend but I was jut thinking she was because she talks about boys A LOT. what I'll do is make sure my cousin is around us more so she won't talk about boys so much if she's not inte rested. I had to get on her pretty hard (even though I tried to be ncie about it) about talking about boys in front of him but she quickly backed down when she saw how upset I was. So yeah, if my cousin hangs out with us more she will natrually end up talking to him more and maybe us other girls can just sort of go off on our own and things will happen natrually between them without me having to push. Even if theyre just friends at least we wont have to hear her talk about boys so much
thank you so much!
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A
female
reader, KC12 +, writes (15 November 2013):
 Social maturity is different for everyone, and there's nothing wrong with not having a boyfriend yet when you are that young. I agree with what everyone else is saying: She's just not ready yet. You shouldn't pressure her about it. She'll start dating when she is ready emotionally, and psychologically. Right now, she's only superficially interested in boys and that's why she's just comfortable saying someone is "cute" and not doing anything about it. That's just part of puberty.
I do understand however that it may bother your cousin that likes her, to hear her say other guys are cute. I would advise you **kindly, politely, and respectfully** to just ask her not to say those things around him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2013): I agree with k_c100 here, your friend doesn't WANT a boyfriend. And it shouldn't matter if it's your cousin or the man on the moon, she has every right to reject anyone she's not interested in. If she's not even comfortable with someone putting their arm around her, or with getting a chaste kiss on the lips, what makes you think she's ready for a boyfriend? It honestly sounds like you just want her to have a boyfriend because you don't want to hear her talk about boys. (And I am with you there, that IS really annoying). It would make more sense to TELL her that you when she goes on about boys in front of someone who likes her, she's not respecting his feelings. And yeah, go ahead and tell her how annoying it is when she does that around YOU. But please, stop trying to set her up, she's not ready.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (15 November 2013):
Look you cant force someone to want a boyfriend, you cant force someone to flirt, you cant create confidence for her and most of all you are not being a very good friend by putting so much pressure on her.
I know you think you are helping her, but presuming she is your age (13-15) then it is pretty normal not to have a boyfriend so young and when she is ready she will do it herself, without you pushing her into something she is not comfortable with. You are making it worse for her, embarrassing her and making her less likely to want to be near boys if she has bad experiences like this with boys.
She will get a boyfriend when she is READY, not when you want her to have one. Leave her alone, let her have crushes on whoever she wants and stop trying to set her up with boys and let her do things in her own time.
It is sweet of you to try and help but things like relationships and boyfriends are a big deal and you cannot be so pushy when it comes to things like this. If she wants fantasy crushes on people she could never date then so be it - we all have crushes when we are teenagers on boys that are out of our league, it is just part of growing up. She will get herself a boyfriend when she is ready, but that is not right now so drop the subject and focus on your own issues rather than sorting other people's lives out.
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